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New here struggling with reality

T

Toady

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Uk
I started hearing voices, seeing things and feeling things about 4 years ago. At first the voices were supportive and it was like a knowing or telepathy but then Last year it got bad, they said they had to change me to another server and things started going down hill from there they kept telling me that my daughter isn't my daughter and my family wasn't my family and that I should avoid certain friends they tried to get me to kill myself but I wouldn't as I don't want to die. I'm not really the kind of person who likes to be told what to do and I ignored the negative things they were saying which caused more problems, they didn't like it. I can hear words coming from water and from traffic and everything really it's like an energy in my head it gives me bad headaches. Sometimes I feel like something is pushing me.
things got that bad and I had started walking out in front of cars because I believed my body and mind was being taken over (mind control) and the only way I could stop it was by destroying my body.
this is when I got took to a&e there I was diagnosed with phychosis and put on respiridone and diazepam and sent me home under the home treatment team who came to see me everyday.
Then they stopped coming and I was just left.
I've spoke to my Drs and they have been great but think I should be under the mental health team so are writing to them but from my experience this takes months it took months for the Drs to write to the hospital because my meds wasn't working and I don't get to see the psychiatrist. They don't give you any info or anything just meds then leave you. thank god for this forum and the Internet in general.
In the last few months a woman from my Drs has referred my to a centre where they do self esteem groups and art therapy and I found a voices group in my area but because of the corona virus these places have now closed until further notice which rightly so but it doesn't help many with mental health problems who already feel isolated like I do

I can't get my head round what's happening to me tbh I'm finding it hard to stay in reality I've lost interest in the things I used to do and like. friends and family just don't understand they say it's just my own voice but it's not they have a different accent to me and are both male and female old and young.

Because I feel things it makes me think it's spirits and the voices say they are spirits but they have also said they are witches Jesus and others and at first I believed them but then Jesus started telling me to F off so I didn't believe this was Jesus at all and now don't believe the others even when they sound sincere. Non of this makes sense to me tbh and I fell stuck in my head trying to figure it out it's taken over my life and I just want it back

Thanks for this forum and the people on it x
 
wollie

wollie

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
3,430
Location
warwick
Hi Toady and welcome to the forums :welcome:

Sounds like you are really going through it, Im amazed the crissis team just up and left you, you should be getting some sort of home visits, I only hear voices and have depression but I get home visits once a day, even Sunday, you know you can call the crissis team any time things get too much for you I hope.
I have just been laid off from my charity work becuse of this bastard virus, and that was my safe place, does exercize help you I find if I am busy the voices are managable.
 
T

Toady

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Uk
Hi Toady and welcome to the forums :welcome:

Sounds like you are really going through it, Im amazed the crissis team just up and left you, you should be getting some sort of home visits, I only hear voices and have depression but I get home visits once a day, even Sunday, you know you can call the crissis team any time things get too much for you I hope.
I have just been laid off from my charity work becuse of this bastard virus, and that was my safe place, does exercize help you I find if I am busy the voices are managable.
Thanks for your reply sorry to hear about your charity work we need a safe space more than ever at this time and there all shutting, maybe more will gravitate to places like this.
I've just had a call from the access team nurse so hoping they sort something out. That's spooky after moaning on here I've just been left or just very good timing cant lie though it does send my head a bit paranoid and thinking there listening and reading my text and stuff on here but i know my thinking is off and its just good timing. I used to exercise but got diagnosed with copd last year so find it bit more difficult now so tend to do it less. I can't read at the moment and find watching tv hard and music as it's like messages are coming from it just for me. I like walking and do thst but feel bit daft just walking nowhere I suppose it's only like runners though.
 
wollie

wollie

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
3,430
Location
warwick
Im prety much the same as you with a differnt diagnosis, I hate tv, cant get into a book becuas my concentration is poor and I cant walk very far as I have 2 artifical hips and a pin in my ankel.
Its good to know you have been in contact with MH and I hope it gets you better.

All the best woolie.
 
JaneChaos

JaneChaos

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 15, 2020
Messages
53
Location
Toronto, Canada
I can’t relate to the voices as I’ve never gone through that. I can only empathize with you. It sounds like you need more help than you’re getting for sure. @wollie makes a great suggestion about exercise. I’m trying to get out even just to walk everyday and I think it helps a bit. Is there anyone you could walk with? Just a thought.
 
T

Toady

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Uk
Im prety much the same as you with a differnt diagnosis, I hate tv, cant get into a book becuas my concentration is poor and I cant walk very far as I have 2 artifical hips and a pin in my ankel.
Its good to know you have been in contact with MH and I hope it gets you better.

All the best woolie.
It makes it a long day doesn't it when there is not much you can do and your not sleeping. I spend my day trying to get through each hour it's draining.
Have you found anything that helps?
 
T

Toady

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Uk
I can’t relate to the voices as I’ve never gone through that. I can only empathize with you. It sounds like you need more help than you’re getting for sure. @wollie makes a great suggestion about exercise. I’m trying to get out even just to walk everyday and I think it helps a bit. Is there anyone you could walk with? Just a thought.
Hi thanks for your reply. I go walking with friends sometimes but it's when I feel agitated I find walking a help and that's usually around 7pm for some reason and don't want to mither anyone then after they have been at work all day. I'm not working at the minute.
 
vanish

vanish

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
4,048
Location
The Land of Oz
Hey Toady,
I'm a vision and voice hearer myself (I have schizophrenia and it is part and parcel of my illness so I've been told). I find it deplorable that the crisis team has fobbed you off. You need more support than you are currently receiving in my opinion (judging from your intro). Please know you can still contact them though if you need to.
It's great that you are getting some exercise, I always feel a little better mentally (and physically) after about an hour's worth. Like you, I like to walk when I get agitated (and like you again, this occurs mostly in the afternoon/night). It's a shame your art therapy, self esteem and hearing voices groups have shut down due to the virus. Did you know we have a hearing voices forum here on MHF? You're more than welcome to participate and post in there too.

Again extending a warm welcome to you! :hi:
 
T

Toady

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Uk
Hey Toady,
I'm a vision and voice hearer myself (I have schizophrenia and it is part and parcel of my illness so I've been told). I find it deplorable that the crisis team has fobbed you off. You need more support than you are currently receiving in my opinion (judging from your intro). Please know you can still contact them though if you need to.
It's great that you are getting some exercise, I always feel a little better mentally (and physically) after about an hour's worth. Like you, I like to walk when I get agitated (and like you again, this occurs mostly in the afternoon/night). It's a shame your art therapy, self esteem and hearing voices groups have shut down due to the virus. Did you know we have a hearing voices forum here on MHF? You're more than welcome to participate and post in there too.

Again extending a warm welcome to you! :hi:
[/QUOTE
 
T

Toady

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Uk
Hi vanish thanks for your reply hope your well

The dr I spoke too the other day seemed quite shocked I had just been passed back to them and left, that's when I got a call from the mental health nurse but I won't answer numbers I don't know so missed it. She did leave a message though and I rang but but she was busy and the receptionist said she would get her too ring me back so I'm hoping she rings today.

Are your visions good or bad if you don't mind me asking, mine can vary and seem so real. I was seeing numbers in the sky and stars in the form of an x
I thought it was aliens trying to contact me still do a bit but I know now it's probably not but I swear I saw them.

Hope we don't go on total lockdown and were not allowed out to walk even I don't know what I'll do its all that helps. it is stressing me this virus as I know it is many others it's getting a bit scary now people out panic buying and things shutting.

Thanks I'll check the hearing voices forum out.
 
vanish

vanish

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
Sep 29, 2014
Messages
4,048
Location
The Land of Oz
Hi again Toady,
I hope your mental health nurse rings you back sooner rather than later, I've recently gone through my own struggles with medicos and mental health staff not answering or replying to my calls. I see visions of all sorts at the moment because my loved ones and I think something is up with my schizophrenia and my medications not working as well as they should be.

Currently I hear four voices and they tell me that I should 'self terminate', one sings about suicide, another laughs and swears and another provides commentary on what I am doing between laughing too. I also see a man in red (Redman) who tells me to 'beware' and 'wake up to myself'. I also see things like lights breathing and people's faces change into something evil (changelings). Every time I mention it to my wife, she says it just a delusion/hallucination caused by my illness. At the moment, my hallucinations are very active.

Hope to see you posting in the hearing voices forum soon.
 
T

Toady

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Uk
Hi again Toady,
I hope your mental health nurse rings you back sooner rather than later, I've recently gone through my own struggles with medicos and mental health staff not answering or replying to my calls. I see visions of all sorts at the moment because my loved ones and I think something is up with my schizophrenia and my medications not working as well as they should be.

Currently I hear four voices and they tell me that I should 'self terminate', one sings about suicide, another laughs and swears and another provides commentary on what I am doing between laughing too. I also see a man in red (Redman) who tells me to 'beware' and 'wake up to myself'. I also see things like lights breathing and people's faces change into something evil (changelings). Every time I mention it to my wife, she says it just a delusion/hallucination caused by my illness. At the moment, my hallucinations are very active.

Hope to see you posting in the hearing voices forum soon.
That's sounds horrific for you hope they sort your meds out. Please don't listen to the voices about suicide I argued with mine for over a year and told them that they were murderers trying to get me to commit suicide luckily they didn't like being called murderers I felt like I got them to see it from my perspective since then I only get kill yourself occasionally and its not from 1 of the main voices it seems to be from outside like an evil spirit or something. I think people try to understand what we're going through but until you have been there they have no concept of what's it's like or from my experience any way.
 
R

Rain Drop

Member
Joined
Mar 19, 2020
Messages
13
Location
Philippines
I do had basic knowledge and good background about your diagnosis, I'm a Psychology student and now a psychometrician. I'm always amazed how the model of our mind works, I hope you'll have a great psychiatrist or therapist, some of them are really passionate and understanding with the field they chose,
I started hearing voices, seeing things and feeling things about 4 years ago. At first the voices were supportive and it was like a knowing or telepathy but then Last year it got bad, they said they had to change me to another server and things started going down hill from there they kept telling me that my daughter isn't my daughter and my family wasn't my family and that I should avoid certain friends they tried to get me to kill myself but I wouldn't as I don't want to die. I'm not really the kind of person who likes to be told what to do and I ignored the negative things they were saying which caused more problems, they didn't like it. I can hear words coming from water and from traffic and everything really it's like an energy in my head it gives me bad headaches. Sometimes I feel like something is pushing me.
things got that bad and I had started walking out in front of cars because I believed my body and mind was being taken over (mind control) and the only way I could stop it was by destroying my body.
this is when I got took to a&e there I was diagnosed with phychosis and put on respiridone and diazepam and sent me home under the home treatment team who came to see me everyday.
Then they stopped coming and I was just left.
I've spoke to my Drs and they have been great but think I should be under the mental health team so are writing to them but from my experience this takes months it took months for the Drs to write to the hospital because my meds wasn't working and I don't get to see the psychiatrist. They don't give you any info or anything just meds then leave you. thank god for this forum and the Internet in general.
In the last few months a woman from my Drs has referred my to a centre where they do self esteem groups and art therapy and I found a voices group in my area but because of the corona virus these places have now closed until further notice which rightly so but it doesn't help many with mental health problems who already feel isolated like I do

I can't get my head round what's happening to me tbh I'm finding it hard to stay in reality I've lost interest in the things I used to do and like. friends and family just don't understand they say it's just my own voice but it's not they have a different accent to me and are both male and female old and young.

Because I feel things it makes me think it's spirits and the voices say they are spirits but they have also said they are witches Jesus and others and at first I believed them but then Jesus started telling me to F off so I didn't believe this was Jesus at all and now don't believe the others even when they sound sincere. Non of this makes sense to me tbh and I fell stuck in my head trying to figure it out it's taken over my life and I just want it back

Thanks for this forum and the people on it x
I started hearing voices, seeing things and feeling things about 4 years ago. At first the voices were supportive and it was like a knowing or telepathy but then Last year it got bad, they said they had to change me to another server and things started going down hill from there they kept telling me that my daughter isn't my daughter and my family wasn't my family and that I should avoid certain friends they tried to get me to kill myself but I wouldn't as I don't want to die. I'm not really the kind of person who likes to be told what to do and I ignored the negative things they were saying which caused more problems, they didn't like it. I can hear words coming from water and from traffic and everything really it's like an energy in my head it gives me bad headaches. Sometimes I feel like something is pushing me.
things got that bad and I had started walking out in front of cars because I believed my body and mind was being taken over (mind control) and the only way I could stop it was by destroying my body.
this is when I got took to a&e there I was diagnosed with phychosis and put on respiridone and diazepam and sent me home under the home treatment team who came to see me everyday.
Then they stopped coming and I was just left.
I've spoke to my Drs and they have been great but think I should be under the mental health team so are writing to them but from my experience this takes months it took months for the Drs to write to the hospital because my meds wasn't working and I don't get to see the psychiatrist. They don't give you any info or anything just meds then leave you. thank god for this forum and the Internet in general.
In the last few months a woman from my Drs has referred my to a centre where they do self esteem groups and art therapy and I found a voices group in my area but because of the corona virus these places have now closed until further notice which rightly so but it doesn't help many with mental health problems who already feel isolated like I do

I can't get my head round what's happening to me tbh I'm finding it hard to stay in reality I've lost interest in the things I used to do and like. friends and family just don't understand they say it's just my own voice but it's not they have a different accent to me and are both male and female old and young.

Because I feel things it makes me think it's spirits and the voices say they are spirits but they have also said they are witches Jesus and others and at first I believed them but then Jesus started telling me to F off so I didn't believe this was Jesus at all and now don't believe the others even when they sound sincere. Non of this makes sense to me tbh and I fell stuck in my head trying to figure it out it's taken over my life and I just want it back

Thanks for this forum and the people on it x
Hi toady ❤ thank you for sharing, I just want you to know I listened and I felt empathy. For me your really precious and I hope you'll find relief in tough times, and I pray for you to be happy ..always 🙏
 
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