• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

New here, someone please talk to me :(

chloecupcake

chloecupcake

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2013
Messages
41
Location
Yorkshire
Hi my name is chloe, I've never really talked to anyone about my problems until now, I self harm because feel like I deserve it, it's been going on for ages now, and sometimes I get so depressed. Inside my mind I have these horrible thoughts of my family and my boyfriend not caring about me and leaving me all alone, that's my biggest fear, being all alone. These thoughts happen when I'm by myself, I feel so weak and vulnerable and I hate myself.

At college I cover my horrible feelings and thoughts by acting like this really happy person who is always smiling, of course I talk to people there but not really, I don't have any girl friends who I can really talk to about how I feel and what is happening to me, and that makes me feel like I'm on my own, the only person I really talk to about things is my boyfriend Sam, he's such a good person and he always listens to me and makes me feel happy, but I feel so bad sometimes because I start arguments over the tiniest things when I feel really low, and it really hurts me to know that I'm hurting him and making him feel upset. :low: I used to be such a happy person but now this isn't even me :low:

In the past I've been lied to by my 'best friends', I told them about my self harming and depression and they said they would help me through it, but it turns out they talked about me behind my back saying awful things like "why would you do that to yourself that's disgusting" and they laughed about me and it made me feel like such an idiot, them they went to another college without even telling me and that made me feel worse, so I was on my own apart from Sam who stood by me the whole time.

I've never talked to my mum and dad about things, or my family, I've never truly been close to them, I find it hard to talk to people, especially my dad because he's very uptight and a quiet person, he doesn't show his emotions, he hasn't hugged me or told me he loves me for as long as I can remember and that hurts. When I was younger he pressured me on my eating habits, he used to say things like "you better burn that off" and "don't be eating too much" and it's stuck in my head, I have trouble with my eating now as I feel guilty for eating and sometimes I skip meals because I'm paranoid that I'm overweight. And now he pressures me into going to university and it's stressing me out so much, I don't know what I want and it's hard when he's yelling in my ear all the time :low:

As well as that I asked my mum to see if I could sleep at my boyfriends house a few weeks ago and it just turned I to a full blown argument and it started the self harm again, :low: I know it sounds really petty and childish but Sam is the only real true best friend and boyfriend I've ever had, he's the sweetest and most caring person I have ever met and I love spending time with him, I've never slept at his house and he's slept at mine 3 times in the year and a half we've been going out, most of the time we just go to each others houses but he has to go home at about 7 because my mum says and when I go to his I have to be back at a certain time too. The reason I ant to sleep is because I wouldn't have to stress out worrying about what time I have to be back and my mum constantly ringing at texting me to get the bus because its late, and I'd really love for us just to spend a night in together and have fun and not have to worry about anything, when I'm with him I just feel so safe and special and happy. But it hurts that my mum doesn't trust me and she just started yelling at me when I asked why I couldn't go, it's so embarrassing when people ask me if I've slept at my boyfriends house or if I go out at night with him, I have to say no and I feel like such a child. I get embarrassed very very easily and when that happens I just feel like running into the toilets and crying. It's the worst feeling in the world, and I feel bad because it makes Sam feel like a child too, I feel so horrible because my head is telling me that there are other girls out there who are better than I am, more good looking, who don't have depression and don't self harm and don't have ugly scabs and scars on their legs and back because of it, and more importantly girls who are allowed to go out and sleep at their boyfriends houses!!!

I feel so worthless and small and like I don't deserve anything good, and like I deserve to be on my own. I hate feeling like this, I want a normal life, not just for me but for Sam and my family.

I recently told my cousin, aunty and mum about what's been going on, I told my cousin first because she kept asking me what was wrong, and she suffers from depression too so she would understand a little about what I told her, then my aunty heard and they both thought that I should tell my mum how I'm feeling because she should know, and they've encouraged me to go to the doctor so I can see a counsellor but I'm scared as I'm reluctant to talk to people about personal things, I don't know what they are going to do or say and that makes me nervous. I'm just so confused about the way I feel, and I know that I'm not, but I feel so alone and that I'm like the only one going through this, it's just really hard and I'm struggling to cope :low: as well as all this I've just had exams and now they are throwing us into the deep end with next years work, I feel like a robot at college :low: just someone please talk to me :low: I've never felt this low before and I keep pushing people further away, it should be like this I just want to be a normal happy teenager, I feel like I'm going insane :panic:
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Wiseowl

Wiseowl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2011
Messages
8,419
Hi Chloe

It is very brave of you to share this with the forum and I appreciate your honesty. :hug1:

You're certainly not alone on this forum, we are here to talk to you and support you as best we can.

I think seeing the doctor is a good first step because from reading your post it sounds that managing things on your own is very stressful & overwhelming.
 
chloecupcake

chloecupcake

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2013
Messages
41
Location
Yorkshire
Hi Chloe

It is very brave of you to share this with the forum and I appreciate your honesty. :hug1:

You're certainly not alone on this forum, we are here to talk to you and support you as best we can.

I think seeing the doctor is a good first step because from reading your post it sounds that managing things on your own is very stressful & overwhelming.
Thanks for replying it really means a lot :) I have an appointment on Friday to see the doctor and I'm quite worried as I'm not used to talking to people, I just hope I get the help I need because I'm ready to accept it, I just want to get better :)
 
Wiseowl

Wiseowl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2011
Messages
8,419
Can you take someone else with you for support maybe your cousin, Aunty or Sam?

Sometimes it's easier with some backup and someone to remember what's been said.

Accepting help is a good first step. :hug1:
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
Hello and welcome :)
 
chloecupcake

chloecupcake

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2013
Messages
41
Location
Yorkshire
Hello and welcome :)
Hi there :)

And yes they have all offered to go with me and I'd like that because I'd hate to go on my own :( I'd like at least one person there to remind me what I've said as when I'm nervous or embarrassed I just can't seem to speak :(
 
T

Taff

Guest
Hello chloe
that was brave of you to post and hope you can get support.
please don't feel lonely here and you can talk anonymously too
love Taff xx
 
chloecupcake

chloecupcake

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2013
Messages
41
Location
Yorkshire
Hello chloe
that was brave of you to post and hope you can get support.
please don't feel lonely here and you can talk anonymously too
love Taff xx
Thank you that's really nice of you :) all I wanted was just to make some friends on here who understand what I'm talking about and who aren't mean about depression or self harm, I'm glad I came here :) xx
 
W

worriedlucy

Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2013
Messages
5
chloe, hi! my names lucy. i used to self harm
im 27 now but started when i was 15. iv shared a lot of your feelings and i think i can talk to you, if you'd like?xx
 
W

worriedlucy

Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2013
Messages
5
ok. i tried to send you a personal message but its not working are you happy to chat on here? im new to the forum too. was looking for help for my brother. but saw many similarities in your post to how i used to feel. do you mind if i ask how old you are? like i said, im 27 (NEARLY) now, so have a bit of old insight into everything your feeling. i know how hard it is. and how frustrating it feels. especially with your friends (old friends) xx
 
K

KateLC

Active member
Joined
Jun 24, 2013
Messages
30
Hi Chloe

I sent you a PM :). Like i said ive SH'd for 6 years. I understand the fear you are feeling of being alone. I feel it quite often and its terrifying. Feel free to message me for support or just someonw to talk to. Good luck!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Mayfair

Mayfair

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
36,676
Location
8,539
Hi Chloe :welcome: to the forums.

As said earlier, you won't be alone in here :)


ok. i tried to send you a personal message but its not working are you happy to chat on here? im new to the forum too. was looking for help for my brother. but saw many similarities in your post to how i used to feel. do you mind if i ask how old you are? like i said, im 27 (NEARLY) now, so have a bit of old insight into everything your feeling. i know how hard it is. and how frustrating it feels. especially with your friends (old friends) xx
Lucy, you haven't posted enough times, that is why you can't send PMs. We have a minimum posts before PMing (as all forums do) to stop spam attacks on members if a spammer gets passed all our checks ;)

:welcome: to you as well btw and to Kate too :)
 
chloecupcake

chloecupcake

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2013
Messages
41
Location
Yorkshire
Yes lucy I dont't mind talking to you on here its fine :) I'm 17 :) and thank you for understanding and talking to me :) I do appreciate it very much :) and I'd be happy to try and help you too in any way I can :) I realised that having people to talk to who understand or who have been through the same thing helps quite a lot, I feel on my own most of the time and I think that starts it off, I hate being alone :( I know I have my boyfriend and cousin and all but I feel bad when I tell people because
 
chloecupcake

chloecupcake

Active member
Joined
Jul 1, 2013
Messages
41
Location
Yorkshire
I feel like I'm a burden :( and thanks Mayfair :) and I've mesaged you back Kate :) xx
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
A Please someone tell me I'm not alone here? Self Harm Forum 3
LunaBloodmist Here I am again Self Harm Forum 3
Mummyoftwo I don't want to be here.. Self Harm Forum 20
L Hey new here Self Harm Forum 2
Shy Smile Hello, i'm new here :). Self Harm Forum 7
T New Here Self Harm Forum 4
F New here, emotionally numb, self harm Self Harm Forum 1
C Self harm, hospital. *new here* Self Harm Forum 1
M I'm new here.. could do with a chat Self Harm Forum 8
I Here we go again? Self Harm Forum 1
I i don't want to be here anymore but don't want to do this to my family Self Harm Forum 4
R Here it comes again Self Harm Forum 10
S Hello, I am new here. Questions. Self Harm Forum 3
R Here we go again Self Harm Forum 1
N I am new here, I want to be at peace now Self Harm Forum 6
R New here Self Harm Forum 9
H I'm new here. Self Harm Forum 6
M Newbie here and struggling Self Harm Forum 6
O new here Self Harm Forum 9
M Not sure I belong here but desperate for help/advice Self Harm Forum 1
S New here, looking for advise and support Self Harm Forum 15
Firewolf Sitting here crying wanting to SH :( Self Harm Forum 65
mrlaurel sorry if this is off thread here....... Self Harm Forum 14
Zoe :) New here and confused Self Harm Forum 14
N Anyone on here right now?... Self Harm Forum 5
M Is anyone here? Self Harm Forum 9
L back here again Self Harm Forum 2
W Hi all I'm new here! Self Harm Forum 4
scaredANDbroken Ok so here goes... why i started sh, what happened to me - my poem Self Harm Forum 12
F why am I here again? Self Harm Forum 7
A New here... Self Harm Forum 8
L Just wanted to talk to someone Self Harm Forum 14
G Just a few questions hopefully someone can give their thoughts on. Self Harm Forum 3
soulsearcher How can you explain that release feeling you get from SH to someone? Self Harm Forum 1
Justafriend95 Someone awake? Self Harm Forum 21
K Really need someone to talk too Self Harm Forum 41
cinary Just need to tell someone I think Self Harm Forum 3
M I don't want to die - I just want to be someone else Self Harm Forum 4
P Hurt Myself in Front of Someone Self Harm Forum 7
M My story; hoping someone can sympathize TRIGGER WARNING Self Harm Forum 15
Y I need help! I need someone. Self Harm Forum 9
S Can someone please talk to me, only meaning by keyboard chat Self Harm Forum 5
W Help, someone who self harms Self Harm Forum 4
O Is This Bad Enough to Tell Someone About? Self Harm Forum 3
B I just need to tell someone Self Harm Forum 9
S Can someone help please? ? Self Harm Forum 2
B Someone to talk to Self Harm Forum 3
S Please, just need someone to talk to... Self Harm Forum 6
M Is it safe to leave my children with someone who self harms? Self Harm Forum 47
P When someone scans/ looks at your arms. Self Harm Forum 6

Similar threads

Top