New Here.....On The Brink

[Dontsugarcoatit]

Hi. Never been on a forum before. So bear with me.
I have been off of work for years due to major depression.
I have been slipping lately. My son, 25, who experimented with all sorts of drugs starting at 15 years old has only his high school graduation. He’s worked jobs here and there. Umemployed now. He is off all drugs he was taking and now smokes marijuana everyday which has altered his brain horribly. He sits in a government funded house with 5 other people who have mental disabilities, seated in a small room with a bed. None of the people in the house socialize with each other. He is very alone. It’s a parents night mare. Having a child who can’t socialize, wonder why people hate him, has no friends. Has no job, girl friend. He’s told me he has no purpose to wake up in the morning. I myself suffer from depression. At 56 I didn’t expect to deal with both depression and my sons. The depressed leading the depressed. Don’t ask about help because I’ve given up. I believe there is no true help out there. I have no my for extravagant treatment. Haven’t been lucky that way.
So what do you do when your son is suicidal and the mom is helpless. The father is keeping things going financially. He’s run ragged. Withe the pandemic it’s worse. Everywhere you call you have to leave a message. Nobody calls back. I called my family doctor on Monday. It was over the phone. He listened and told me to come in for an appointment to talk about my son. Now I’ve many conversation with this doctor and he’s the most robotic uncaring individual I know. I don’t know where to turn what to do. I go to bed at 3am. Wake up as late as I can. Then deal with my depressed suicidal son all day. Not looking for sympathy. I didn’t spell check. That’s my post. Not sure what happens next but thank you for reading this...

 

[PetitPois]

Hi @Dontsugarcoatit welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear your dealing with this. It must be heart breaking.

I am also sorry I can't give any real advice. I do not have children myself so feel unqualified to do so. I am sure there will be others here who can advise or at least relate to you on this. I have found some lovely people here on the forum.

I just wanted to welcome you and express my sympathy for your current situation.

 

[UpnDwn1978]

Hi Dontsugarcoatit welcome to the forum

Sorry to hear about your struggles with your son. If you don't feel your doctor is much help I would consider finding a new one. The pandemic has made everyone's life harder and especially those of us who struggle with mental illness. I wish I knew how to help but the best advice I can give is to not give up support your son as well as you can but also look after yourself. If you have people around you that care about you don't be afraid to tell them about your struggles it's important that you're not alone when thing gets dark. I hope the best for you and your son. Take care and best wishes.

M

 

[Grace in defeat]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry about what you're going through. It sounds difficult. But I'm sure you are making a big difference just by caring about your son and not being angry with him for not being normal, which is how my parents are. It must be so horrible to hear him say how depressed he is, but he does trust you enough to say it to you. That is a positive.

It is very difficult to find help. Either it's not there or it's the wrong kind of help which can do more harm than good. Would it be an option to talk to a different doctor? Some doctors' minds do seem closed to mental health problems and it's difficult to get anywhere with doctors like that.

Are you in a bubble with your son? Would it be possible for him to spend some time with you? It might also be possible to organise a befriender for him through an organisation like Mind (though I have to be honest, befriending didn't work for me). Although a befriender probably won't be able to visit at the moment, they might be able to provide phone or email support. It obviously won't replace the support you give, but it might take some of the pressure off you. It's hard being someone's only support.

 

[jajingna]

Welcome to the forum, and sorry to hear your story.

5 other people who have mental disabilities, seated in a small room with a bed. None of the people in the house socialize with each other.

That's a tough situation. Seems like people tend to isolate themselves when not well.

 

[Beorn the Bear]

Change your doctor. Find someone who is more compassionate. Perhaps a female doctor.
Your son needs you now more than ever. I have sons and I've been suicidal before. There can be no more irreparable damage and destruction you could possibly do to your son than by killing yourself.

There comes a time when you must show your son how to get up off your knees and fight.

You love your son yes?
You'd die for your son yes?
Now the question is will you live for him, and show him how to live?

Much love my friend, you're stronger than you know.

 

[Sash1]

Hi, and welcome..
I have 2 son's, one who suffers from depression, although he's coping at the moment. I suffer depression to and although I'm fighting my own mental health battles, it is totally exhausting both physically and mentally when you are supporting your child too(adult child)..You do tend to put them first while your slowly getting worse. But as a mother, I wouldn't have t any other way. The only way I can help, is be there for him, which you seem to be also. My son and I have talked openly with each other about depression etc, but I have mostly listened as I don't want to put my illness on his shoulders. I fought hard to get the help I needed, so now I just direct him down that same path.
It truly is a sad situation your in, and I hope you find a resolution, I feel for you so much.
No matter what we go through, it always seems harder when it's your child suffering.
As people on here have said, this Pandemic has really took its toll on mental health, so the members here and this forum has been a godsend for me, hopefully you will find that comfort too. Keep talking on here too.

I have noticed on here how health services differ greatly, obviously from country to country, but also areas of your own country. Is it a postcode thing?

 

[Grace in defeat]

Just wanted to say this is a reply to Sash1's comment and it's probably of no help to the OP, though I did post a reply to them too.

Mental health support differs a lot. I'm only allowed to access treatment that's available at the wellbeing centre in my hometown which only does CBT. I'd be better with DBT, but I can't get it because I live in the wrong place. Also, the size of the wellbeing centre plays a role. Mine has more referrals than they can handle so they try to make it 'fair' by giving everyone 10 sessions and then discharging them, regardless of where they are in their treatment. Also, if you've had 10 sessions in the last few years, you can't have more. So if the GP refers you, you get discharged straight away.

The mental health team probably do their best, but they're so limited in what they can do. They can't give me treatment for PTSD because there is no treatment.

The amount of treatment available does roughly correspond to the size of the town/city/village, but it doesn't always work that way as I'm in quite a big town and we have almost nothing.