• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

New here, not really sure what I'm doing

R

RandomSkipio

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Wales, uk
Hey, might be a little long, sorry, its difficult to get this out so gonna try and dump it all at once.
Like the title says not really sure what I'm doing.
Been on different meds for depression and anxiety for a few years, tried different counselling. Nothing seems to work. Self harming since early teens, generally without the intention of suicide, saw it more to punish myself for things I've done.
My mother has been ill most of my life, with M.E, father and mother spilt when I was young, my mother moved me and my older brother and sister to Wales and her health decreased. I was the last one to live with her, to care for her. Last year she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and passed a few months later.
The weird thing is I've been numb for years, apathetic, emotionally distant from everyone. I cried once when she past, and was back in work the next day. Since then I know I haven't been myself. More than normal. I was always afraid to take medication because of the horror stories about feeling like this. And no matter what they give me or the strength I feel the same. I have no drive to anything, everything just seems pointless, I've had no sex drive in over a year, which my new partner, while she is understanding, is obviously affected. There's not much of a relationship there for her. She's been with me through everything with my mother and I feel like I can't give her what she needs. I stopped drinking, stopped using drugs when I got with her because when I did I would crash, self harm. But the only time I feel any emotion is when I'm drunk or high. Can sometimes feel it under the surface, just when it feels like it's about the break through it disappears and I'm numb again.
Gueas that's it for now, thanks for reading if you did, never been good at the emotional things.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

Guest
Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,541
Location
Sweden
Hi RandomSkipio and welcome to forum. You did a good job sharing your experience and emotions with us.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
M Is there really support here? Depression Forum 4
I im so fed up really don't want to be here Depression Forum 3
F im really struggling here Depression Forum 5
calypso Please i really need help here. Depression Forum 1
aleshadxcherylc New here, cant cope, really want to die let it all end please so alone! :'( Depression Forum 24
L No One is Here Depression Forum 4
B It's 3am here.I'm feeling so lonely... Depression Forum 5
H New here, feeling down, lonely, anyone around? Depression Forum 119
O I’m tired, I don’t want to be here anymore Depression Forum 2
S Hi, newbie here Depression Forum 5
I I don’t want to be here Depression Forum 5
S To the people on here who make me feel pathetic. Depression Forum 48
M Did you expect to make real friends here ? Depression Forum 16
L Hi. New here but very depressed. Depression Forum 4
D Hi I'm new here and have suffered depression since early 90's Depression Forum 6
Sissy2021 Hello, I'm new here Depression Forum 20
M Any here who deals with loneliness and wants to chat ? Depression Forum 9
M For people who is here not looking for advices Depression Forum 7
M Any South Americans here ? Depression Forum 8
D Anyone that struggles with their immigrant parents here? Depression Forum 21
M Here I am, again. Depression Forum 1
M Hey every one I am new here. Depression Forum 19
pooryathr Can I share my exprience with online therapy here? Depression Forum 2
Ineedhelp2921 I don't want to be here anymore Depression Forum 8
Anxiety girl 84 Hi I'm new here, could do with some help Depression Forum 27
Kerly13 I don't belong here Depression Forum 31
M New here, need to talk to someone Depression Forum 9
S Dont want to be here anymore Depression Forum 3
Tawny Here we go again Depression Forum 48
S Here we ago again Depression Forum 4
Feritas I feel so empty. I don't even know why anymore. So here's my story. Depression Forum 2
Z Why I'm here Depression Forum 6
M I don't deserve to be here Depression Forum 4
THE MANDALORIAN I CAME HERE TO CRY Depression Forum 3
M The Last day in here before I develop to Intellectual disability. Depression Forum 2
M Who can chat with me here until I have lost control of my brain? 😭 Depression Forum 5
M Share your antidepressants emotion blunting experience here. Depression Forum 23
M Is there a chat room on here,or a INstant messaging or would anyone be interested Depression Forum 9
M Talking about Pristiq here Depression Forum 2
K New here just after someone to listen Depression Forum 2
IrishinUSA I’m New Here - Major Depressive Disorder Depression Forum 25
M Looking to meet other people here (over 26 old) Depression Forum 1
A I dont want to be here anymore but dont want to die Depression Forum 2
H Anyone here take deplin? Depression Forum 7
G hi! i am just new here Depression Forum 1
M Any other here with a parent with psychiatric diagnosis ? Depression Forum 2
B Back here again Depression Forum 2
Mrs Tiggywinkle Don’t want to be here tomorrow Depression Forum 17
M Any other here over 26 old deals with loneliness ? Depression Forum 44
J new here - mini story and cry Depression Forum 15

Similar threads

Top