• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

New here, not really sure what I'm doing

R

RandomSkipio

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Wales, uk
Hey, might be a little long, sorry, its difficult to get this out so gonna try and dump it all at once.
Like the title says not really sure what I'm doing.
Been on different meds for depression and anxiety for a few years, tried different counselling. Nothing seems to work. Self harming since early teens, generally without the intention of suicide, saw it more to punish myself for things I've done.
My mother has been ill most of my life, with M.E, father and mother spilt when I was young, my mother moved me and my older brother and sister to Wales and her health decreased. I was the last one to live with her, to care for her. Last year she was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and passed a few months later.
The weird thing is I've been numb for years, apathetic, emotionally distant from everyone. I cried once when she past, and was back in work the next day. Since then I know I haven't been myself. More than normal. I was always afraid to take medication because of the horror stories about feeling like this. And no matter what they give me or the strength I feel the same. I have no drive to anything, everything just seems pointless, I've had no sex drive in over a year, which my new partner, while she is understanding, is obviously affected. There's not much of a relationship there for her. She's been with me through everything with my mother and I feel like I can't give her what she needs. I stopped drinking, stopped using drugs when I got with her because when I did I would crash, self harm. But the only time I feel any emotion is when I'm drunk or high. Can sometimes feel it under the surface, just when it feels like it's about the break through it disappears and I'm numb again.
Gueas that's it for now, thanks for reading if you did, never been good at the emotional things.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 14, 2020
Messages
1,523
Location
Sweden
Hi RandomSkipio and welcome to forum. You did a good job sharing your experience and emotions with us.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
L Hi. New here but very depressed. Depression Forum 4
D Hi I'm new here and have suffered depression since early 90's Depression Forum 6
Sissy2021 Hello, I'm new here Depression Forum 20
M Any here who deals with loneliness and wants to chat ? Depression Forum 1
M For people who is here not looking for advices Depression Forum 7
M Any South Americans here ? Depression Forum 8
D Anyone that struggles with their immigrant parents here? Depression Forum 21
M Here I am, again. Depression Forum 1
M Hey every one I am new here. Depression Forum 19
pooryathr Can I share my exprience with online therapy here? Depression Forum 2
Ineedhelp2921 I don't want to be here anymore Depression Forum 8
Anxiety girl 84 Hi I'm new here, could do with some help Depression Forum 27
Kerly13 I don't belong here Depression Forum 31
M New here, need to talk to someone Depression Forum 9
S Dont want to be here anymore Depression Forum 3
Tawny Here we go again Depression Forum 48
S Here we ago again Depression Forum 4
Feritas I feel so empty. I don't even know why anymore. So here's my story. Depression Forum 2
Z Why I'm here Depression Forum 6
M I don't deserve to be here Depression Forum 4
THE MANDALORIAN I CAME HERE TO CRY Depression Forum 3
M The Last day in here before I develop to Intellectual disability. Depression Forum 2
M Who can chat with me here until I have lost control of my brain? 😭 Depression Forum 5
M Share your antidepressants emotion blunting experience here. Depression Forum 23
M Is there a chat room on here,or a INstant messaging or would anyone be interested Depression Forum 9
M Talking about Pristiq here Depression Forum 2
K New here just after someone to listen Depression Forum 2
IrishinUSA I’m New Here - Major Depressive Disorder Depression Forum 25
L I really wish i was normal Depression Forum 29
D Really Struggling Depression Forum 5
L Feeling Really Low Depression Forum 8
S Really bad day Depression Forum 7
A Really struggling Depression Forum 27
A does anyone else think they are really boring Depression Forum 26
B Really want to kill myself. Anyone want to message me. Depression Forum 27
E I just need someone to speak to... I’m really struggling and can’t talk to anyone else Depression Forum 15
Fairy Lucretia really worried Depression Forum 7
moonperson vent/advice: I really can't stand myself and I don't want to like this person who I am. Depression Forum 14
B I really can't take it anymore trigger warning suicide. Depression Forum 28
P Really craving a girlfriend Depression Forum 26
Y Feeling really lonely sice covid started Depression Forum 7
I Really scared I will get told off Depression Forum 19
J does exercise really help moderate to servere depression? Depression Forum 28
B Do I really have depression? Depression Forum 16
T Feeling really suicidal Depression Forum 9
CKM1234 Being a Virgin is really getting to me and making me feel really depressed Depression Forum 17
Jam1990 Do medications really work for depression/anxiety Depression Forum 24
Ladyfair Feeling really low Depression Forum 2
N Is everything really meant to happen for a reason? Depression Forum 27
Fairy Lucretia puppy ,really worried x Depression Forum 19

Similar threads

Top