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New here. Need advice badly not even sure if I have bpd but think I do

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lockelamora

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2016
Messages
2
So I have this issue that has happened many times throughout my life and it ruins any kind of romantic/close relationship. Every time I fall in love I get depressed, can't sleep or eat and just feel wrecked.

And I'm going on the emotional roller coaster right now. A woman I met at work last June, who is a lesbian and had no desire for anything more than friendship, basically I flat out fell in love with her even though I know it's ridiculous, though for 6 months I had no problems just keeping it on a platonic level.. I know it obviously isn't going to work and I let my feelings known and am struggling to deal with just being friends, which we have been basically best friends since we met and I've been told she is the best friend she has ever had. Even cried when I said I might need some space.

Anyway I'm rambling a bit. I was sexually abused when I was younger and thought there might be some trigger that won't let me let anyone too close. I always get angry and depressed when someone does. I CANT stand this happening to me anymore! I just don't know what to do!

Is something like this considered bpd or what the hell am I dealing with where every time I get an emotional bond I go between pushing that person away or becoming madly in love?
 
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simon7319

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2015
Messages
48
First hello
It is very difficult to say if you have unless qualified people see you.

The girl you fell for and found out she likes girls it hurts and will be of disappointment for you no doubt about it. This does not mean you have failed in anyway. You find it hard to be friends with her think anyone would. But if you seeing her you are in the environment so your emotion will run high as what might have been. Best to try and take yourself away from the environment and not see her for some time but stay as friends but don’t go around until you heal.

All I can say is that if you write down your emotions and be angary at what you write and cry if you have to may release stress the disappointment and hurt. The read it back and after that never look at it again ever. What you are doing is saying yes I acknowledge what hurt me emotionally but I now dealt with you.
The sexual abuse (not nice at all) and any traumatic event like this will have an impact on your life maybe you not talked openly about it or scare too or feel shame to do so. If you hide it will always come back and hit you over the head just a reminder it still to be dealt with.

It can just be the way you feel that you think you have BPD. I’m not saying you have not but don't believe all that is written on the net and don't take online test as I said many times before mental illness covers many emotions and feeling so the test may come back as you have BPD when it fact it can be depression or other similar mental health disorders.

So deal with your emotional side and then the abuse maybe trying counselling for that side then the chapter will be closed for ever and you can live a happy life

Sorry think I went over the same ground I am on a little high. Good luck and I hope I have been of some help for u
 
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