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New here, looking for a name for my thing

Sylphrena

Sylphrena

Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Uruthiru
Hey :)
I'm looking for information on something that's been bothering me forever now, and is now getting worse. I don't even know if It's "a thing" or what's it called, and that's why I'm writing here, too see if it sounds familiar to any of you. I'm not trying to self-diagnose, I just what to be able to look up info on anything that sounds like it to try and find ways to deal with it.

Ok, to the point: I keep having the same negative thoughts out of the blue. It mostly happens when I'm alone and/or doing something difficult. Sometimes it's just remembring something cringy or stupid I did, recalling my biggest failures, or even thinking some of my accomplishments are actually pathetic and insignificant, to the point of dreading to ever meet anyone who knows about them first hand.

When I catch myself thinking about it I just automatically say something* to snap myself out of it, and usually that's enough, but I'm left feeling bad afterwards. A lot of the times I have to do something nice (like read for a bit or watch a cartoon) to make sure I don't just go back to the dark thought.

*Here are the things I say (I don't think about them, they just come out. It's only after speaking that I really start thinking like myself again): "I hate myself", "I hate everyone", "Shut up", "Don't be stupid" and "Stop talking, I just want to be quiet!".

Now, I'm a uni student, so I spend most of my time doing difficult stuff alone, so that happens a lot lately and it's really wasting my study time.

Can anyone here relate? What forum should I go to to get some tips?

Thank you for taking the time to read,
Syl.

**As mentioned above I don't expect a diagnosis, I just want to try and find ways to deal with similar things. No time/means to get a therapist right now, I just want to see if I can make it better so I can focus on passing my exams, and if not - sharing helps too ;)
 
MokoOno

MokoOno

Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
7
Location
UK
Hi, also new here but have had similar symptoms that you describe, I have depression/anxiety but when I am really,really down or overwhelmed with stress, I start getting what I think might be a kind of "intrusive thought" which I think is related to OCD. I get stuck remembering failures and embarrassments, somethings horrible things I don't want to see, and weirdly a loop of music gets stuck in my head and I can't get turn it off. Not just an "ear worm", something altogether more distressing.

Personally I feel its caused when I am under extreme stress or very depressed, and my mind says that's enough and just puts me "on hold" and plays these music and memories loops while it takes a break until things calm down.

That's what I meant to say, it always went away when things calmed down.

Disclaimer: Not a professional, you should seek proper help etc..
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,295
Location
nowhere
It sounds like you're ruminating--brooding...stuck going over past failures or mistakes. A part of depression.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,737
Location
Nashua NH
It could be Intrusive Thoughts:

 
Sylphrena

Sylphrena

Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Uruthiru
Thank you all, your replies were very insightful for me, and I was able to dig up some helpful info. I hope you all do well!
 
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