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New here, hoping to connect with people who have similar experiences.

TheGeneralSpiral

TheGeneralSpiral

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Durham, NC
I'd love to make some friends on here as well. I isolate a lot and I'm living in a new city and don't know anyone. I have social anxiety, panic disorder, major depression, and borderline personality disorder. The shame I've felt since being diagnosed and hospitalized about a dozen times keeps me from interacting with old friends. I don't want them to see what I've become.

I'm hoping that I might find solace in this community. I'm looking forward to the chance to interact with people who understand what I'm going through. The few people still in my life are extremely empathetic but my time in the hospital has taught me that there's no catharsis quite like talking to someone going through something similar.

Thanks for reading!
 
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confused31

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
168
Location
ireland
Hi , you are not alone. If you want to message me , feel free .
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,972
Location
US
Hi there @TheGeneralSpiral, and welcome the forum! I too have all of those fun conditions, and I'm sure plenty of others here can relate as well. Moved to Wilmington a few years back for a couple of years and I know how hard it can be to make new friends and meet new people particularly with anxiety and depression and all, so I am wishing you the best there. It does get easier with time, and you can always hang out here as well.

Hope you find the forum really helpful and glad you're here. xx
 
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confused31

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
168
Location
ireland
I also avoid people i used to know, old friends. Sometimes i just want to hide. I think i am hard on myself but i cant help it . I catch myself saying things to myself like that im not good enough and i have to say to myself " stop ! You wouldnt judge someone else as harshly as you judge yourself and if someone else said the things you say to yourself, you would defend yoyrself" i have to check myself because i know i shouldnt be so awful to myself .
 
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confused31

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
168
Location
ireland
We should be kinder to ourselves
 
TheGeneralSpiral

TheGeneralSpiral

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Durham, NC
@confused31 I know I'm extremely hard on myself. I went from graduating first in my class and having a full ride to my first choice of college to failing out due to mental health issues to becoming an alcoholic. I held it together well for a couple years when it first started--I was rated in the top 10 GPAs in college my Freshman, Sophomore, and first half of my Junior years. That's when it swallowed me up and changed the trajectory of my life... Possibly forever.
 
TheGeneralSpiral

TheGeneralSpiral

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Durham, NC
I agree with that. It's taken me years to learn but treating myself with kindness and caring gets me much farther than "tough love." If you can even call what I was doing/thinking "love."
 
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confused31

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
168
Location
ireland
I know what you mean. I think mental illness does change our lives. I often wonder what my life wouldve been like if i hadnt had mental issues. Its almost like i compare myself to a past version of myself. And she had it all . But our paths are unique. We can still do everything we wanted to just we need to learn from our experiences maybe? It took me a long time to admit i was mentally ill then longer to stop feeling ashamed of my illness. Do you think you'll continue your studies? It sounds like you are very academically gifted. If you can graduate first it also shows amazing determination and dedication . Can i ask what you studied?
 
TheGeneralSpiral

TheGeneralSpiral

Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2021
Messages
21
Location
Durham, NC
I was studying biology education. I wanted to teach high school biology. I'm not sure I could handle that now. I did end up getting an associate of science but that's more of a stepping stone towards a bachelor degree. It's not really geared toward a specific career pathway like pursuing a bio education degree was. The associate degree is a more general thing.

I have been thinking about going back to school but I feel like I couldn't do it now. Cognitively, I don't feel anywhere near as sharp as I did ten years ago (I'm 29 now). My memory is terrible, when I read books, even if only in a day or two, I forget what I've read and have a hard time keeping up with them. I've taken some free classes online and did well in them though, like A+/100% grade well, so I don't really know what's going on. My psychiatrist and therapists have said that the newfound deficits are likely due to the extent of my anxiety and depression. Of course, hearing that, I mentally tell myself "Rinse, sob, repeat." Being so aware of it makes it even harder yet.
 
Bluejay7500

Bluejay7500

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
6,984
Location
planet earth
Welcome :welcome: I’ve been hospitalized many times. Haven’t been back in three years. Good to feel free.
 
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confused31

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2020
Messages
168
Location
ireland
Yeah i find my memory and cognition has got worse (i blame medication for that in my case) but i find if i write down points from things i am reading and go back over them a few times the next few days i remember them. I've been learning languages like that for years. Writing down the things i want to remember and repetition. I did biology in school (when i say school i mean secondary school/highschool,not university) i am guessing you are american 'cause you call college "school" :) The first time i heard an american call university school , i was like "school?" Lol i didnt know what he was talking about haha ) i liked biology in school though especially the field trips to the beach to study the sea creatures. Would you consider a research career like masters phd ? Teaching school would be so tough. I could teach if i did the masters you need to teach in ireland but there's no way i would have the patience
 
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