New here, having a bad day.

[Peace Lily]

I suffer with BDD, I have never officially been diagnosed but there is no doubt that this is what I have. Today is a bad day, I have spent the last few years crying and explaining my feelings to family and friends but I know that, unless you have suffered with it yourself, you can never truly understand.
I am pretty desperate right now, what have people done to help this? This feeling has been triggered today because I left my makeup bag at work and now my anxiety has gone through the roof. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and he has never seen me without makeup on. I go to bed with it on and during the pandemic I get no breaks so my skin is suffering as a result and things just get worse. I’ve found myself in a viscous cycle. I won’t look in the mirror unless I have to because I will pull myself apart. I turn lights off when I go into the bathroom because it’s easier not to look.
My partner will ask why i have to wear makeup (he constantly tells me I look good) but then I get an overwhelming feeling of guilt because I know without makeup I look horrific and I can not let him see me that way.
I spend hours researching cosmetic procedures, different ways to improve skin, surgery, ways I can get a natural tan.To say it’s obsessive is an understatement, it literally consumes me.Then I look at the bigger picture and think, I’m 29, I should be enjoying life and then again, I feel incredibly guilty.
please please has anyone got any advise or suggestions of how I can help this?
thank you for reading and amazed if you got this far.

 

[Lurch]

I suffer with BDD, I have never officially been diagnosed but there is no doubt that this is what I have. Today is a bad day, I have spent the last few years crying and explaining my feelings to family and friends but I know that, unless you have suffered with it yourself, you can never truly understand.
I am pretty desperate right now, what have people done to help this? This feeling has been triggered today because I left my makeup bag at work and now my anxiety has gone through the roof. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and he has never seen me without makeup on. I go to bed with it on and during the pandemic I get no breaks so my skin is suffering as a result and things just get worse. I’ve found myself in a viscous cycle. I won’t look in the mirror unless I have to because I will pull myself apart. I turn lights off when I go into the bathroom because it’s easier not to look.
My partner will ask why i have to wear makeup (he constantly tells me I look good) but then I get an overwhelming feeling of guilt because I know without makeup I look horrific and I can not let him see me that way.
I spend hours researching cosmetic procedures, different ways to improve skin, surgery, ways I can get a natural tan.To say it’s obsessive is an understatement, it literally consumes me.Then I look at the bigger picture and think, I’m 29, I should be enjoying life and then again, I feel incredibly guilty.
please please has anyone got any advise or suggestions of how I can help this?
thank you for reading and amazed if you got this far.

Hi, sorry to hear how you are suffering. As you can tell I have no insight into how you are suffering, and I don’t want to jump on the bandwagon and bombard you with compliments when deep down they won’t help you.
I see you have spoken to family & friends, and I agree that without the experience of your suffering, you can’t possibly understand. Keep talking to them though, they love you. I would say get professional help if you haven’t done so. Are there organisations specialising in BDD?
Hypnotherapy is also very helpful for some people, if only to ease the pain and lessen the guilt. Maybe can source through specialist help groups. Good luck

 

[Miho]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I agree with Lurch and keep talking to people. In your personal life and now here. Try to get proffesional help as well.

I know how it is when you have a believe about yourself. But I would like to say that to your boyfriend you can be the most good looking woman he has ever seen. He sees all of you. Your qwirks and personality.

And those things can exist next to each other. How you see yourself and how your partner sees you.

 

[celticlass]

When I was 30 my fourth child was born. It was a difficult time for me medically speaking. I was unwell with something called sarcoidosis. There was also an issue with my eyes. I have worn contact lens since I was 16. Basically I am extremely short sighted (-14) and my glasses, even today, are thick lens. Now at a hospital examination I was told there was an issue. If I did not stop wearing the contacts for 3 months I was running the risk of going blind. My world came crashing down. I never went outdoors with my glasses on.. I had first got them at 3 years old and my early life was a misery with them. At that time the bright kids got to sit at the back of the classroom. That meant I could not read the blackboard so teacher set me at front. So I was faced with this forced challenge. Picking my kids up from school, dropping at nursery. Just day to day stuff. I can honestly say it took that fear out of me. After that I did not bother nearly so much. It has taken me a long time to accept how I look ( which I would say is I look weird - Haha. Especially getting my picture taken). Some people say I am pretty too lol. Each to their own.

I hope you find the right way through this but it does sound as if your partner genuinely cares for you. You will sort this xx

 

[Zoe1]

hi Peace Lily

I really don't think someone would look good
just because they have make up on
there would have to be a personality underneath that he is attracted to
pretty sure he will like you without it , maybe even more !

 

[UpnDwn1978]

Hi Peace Lily welcome to the forum