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New here, few things about me.

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BattyBabe

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2021
Messages
16
Location
Earth
Hello I am Jo and I want to be part of this awesome forum (I have been reading so many posts) but I'm not good with words. So, what brought me here?? I guess:

I have audible and visual hallucinations when I am "too relaxed" or upset. I am usually VERY hyper and wild energy but when I don't use the world around as a playground to distract myself from my insanity, I feel this way.
I want to die here as a Human but I'm too prideful to off myself. I am very negative to myself but also "God complex" and haughty. I hate everyone and everyone hates me. I love people so much but it's clingy. Someone told me I have Asperger's because of the way I talk? I have slight OCD where I hear a noise and if I don't repeat that sound out loud it will play on repeat in my head for WEEKS. I never sleep. I don't eat because I'm a performance artist and people call me a fat wh*re. I also spend an entire day sleeping to escape from my reality. I have BAD PTSD to where literally seeing the letter T will cause me to dissociate and cry. Everyone says I'm crazy. Apparently people are obsessed with me??? My family hates me because I'm a "drama wh*re" and I "make too much money" like wtf does that even mean? If I could I'd rather be a field of flowers on a planet far, far away. I am convinced that people are watching me type this. Um also convinced that every post on here about"my crazy ex" is.. well, MY crazy ex using multiple accounts. I have been abused by him since 2015. He tried to m*rder me. I am now terrified to exist. I'm afraid of everything and yet I will happily follow ex cons to creepy dark places to do dr*gs. I'm not even worried that they're strapped. I'm not scared of shit okay I have ovaries.

This is a long post, I'm sorry.
Have you read this far?

I'm constantly paranoid and I literally do believe that everyone is out to get me. I decided to constantly lie about my life to people who ask because WHAT IF THEY ARE A SPY what if they're trying to get my information? I pretend to be a dumbass so that people avoid me. But I really really really want friends. My last three friends broke up with me because I'm "a bad friend", one of them even threatened to k*ll me. 8 hours prior to that we were singing together in an inner tube on the river saying how happy we are to be besties. Wtf? I had to change all of my information besides SSN because my ex sold my life on the dark web. I talk to all the random noises that aren't really there because I'm so lonely. I'm so disgusting and ugly and I hate when people look at me but my career is on stage! I think I'm pregnant? Idk. That's all I can come up with right now.
Thanks if you even read this.

Oh, also,
I am 28 years old
She/they
I identify as a glitter gremlin.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
5,204
Location
California
Hi Jo and welcome to the forum. :welcome:💗
Love glitter✨ 🌟✨
Hope you find much support here.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
5,204
Location
California
I can relate to this My last three friends broke up with me because I'm "a bad friend", one of them even threatened to k*ll me. 8 hours prior to that we were singing together in an inner tube on the river saying how happy we are to be besties. Wtf?

xo💗
 
Contramike

Contramike

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
552
Location
Colorado
Hello and welcome to the forum!

The people here are very friendly and kind and will do whatever they can to help you!

Are you seeing a doctor, by any chance?
 
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BattyBabe

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2021
Messages
16
Location
Earth
Hello and welcome to the forum!

The people here are very friendly and kind and will do whatever they can to help you!

Are you seeing a doctor, by any chance?



No, I'm afraid of them and I'm not interested in going back to the "loony bin" or jail.
 
N

natalie

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
19,107
After havin g just read this post, I serisously feel that you do need to visit a doctor, and then they can write you up suitable med for the paranoia.
 
Contramike

Contramike

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
552
Location
Colorado
No, I'm afraid of them and I'm not interested in going back to the "loony bin" or jail.

Are you living with someone? Is there someone close to you that you can talk to for support?
 
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BattyBabe

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2021
Messages
16
Location
Earth
After havin g just read this post, I serisously feel that you do need to visit a doctor, and then they can write you up suitable med for the paranoia.
Gee, thanks for the advice! What I typed on your post was my version on saying, "this is relatable, accurate content and I feel the same"
 
B

BattyBabe

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2021
Messages
16
Location
Earth
Are you living with someone? Is there someone close to you that you can talk to for support?
I live with my husband (Be) and children. Be is autistic and doesn't understand anything about this at all and I don't expect him to. He is physically supportive, though. Other than that I have Jesus and my Twin to talk to.
 
Contramike

Contramike

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2010
Messages
552
Location
Colorado
I know you don't want to hear this, but I really think you should see a doctor or therapist. Do you have access to a doctor or medical help?
 
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BattyBabe

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2021
Messages
16
Location
Earth
I know you don't want to hear this, but I really think you should see a doctor or therapist. Do you have access to a doctor or medical help?
What makes you say that? I mean what, in my typing made you think, "geez this lady REALLY needs help"??



I'm asking for research purposes so when I am able to afford $125 sessions with a therapist (who will only ever ask about suicide and substance abuse) I can say, "sir, this is not normal to other Humans and this is why I need you. So I can function".
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
8,067
Location
England
Hello BattyBabe, welcome to the forum.
 
C

chargrillwon

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
549
Location
US
we need a society wide return to 90s chill. I really think society is going off the rails here a bit. I’m no better myself but I still remember the days before the internet and it was probably far more mentally healthy than digital infatuation.
 
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