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New here & ashamed

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Dejasade

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Jun 7, 2012
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10
Hello, i'm new and I posted a short post on another forum, but it seems more are on this one :)
anyways.....I am extremely anxious right now. I have managed to lose 2 friends, BOTH OF whom I work with. They found emails between me and someone else bashing them basically. I feel horrible and I know I am in the wrong. But what do I do? I have apologized and basically told them i'm not a good friend and it's a blessing that our friendship ended when it did. But it's like walking on eggshells at work. I'm NOT a bad person...really i'm not. I dont know WHY I even wrote about them. I think it was almost to make the other girl laugh....I feel awful, and didn't sleep, nor could I even work out yesterday....I keep trying to tell myself that in 5 months, heck, 5 weeks, things will have changed and this too shall pass, but it's hard.....I hate feeling like this.
Thanks for listening and for ANY advise.
 
mygirl1uk

mygirl1uk

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Mar 28, 2012
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Why dont you try leaving it a while then talking to them when things have calmed down, failing all else write them a letter explaing why you did it.
Anxiety is not good lots of people suffer with it.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi i can understand why you did it, you get sucked into the situation, you want to be liked by everyone and by doing that you will 'stab' someone in the back by accident.
Where i worked before i was always the one they came into my office and winged about the other ones. it was like an agony aunt room. i was always on the shelf because i didnt want to get involved! but by doing that i actually was seen as being two faced! so sometimes you cannot win.
i agree with mygirl. you have said sorry, carry on as if it hadnt happened. they will turn on someone else next week, thats usually what happens! dont ignore them as that can cause a tense atmosphere.
 
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Dejasade

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2012
Messages
10
Hi i can understand why you did it, you get sucked into the situation, you want to be liked by everyone and by doing that you will 'stab' someone in the back by accident.
Where i worked before i was always the one they came into my office and winged about the other ones. it was like an agony aunt room. i was always on the shelf because i didnt want to get involved! but by doing that i actually was seen as being two faced! so sometimes you cannot win.
i agree with mygirl. you have said sorry, carry on as if it hadnt happened. they will turn on someone else next week, thats usually what happens! dont ignore them as that can cause a tense atmosphere.
Yeah I guess sucked in would be a good wording for it. But I still did it and I own it. I just don't want it to bite me in the A** back at work. I dont want other employees finding out. Giving me mean looks, treating me differently, etc. The whole situation sucks. Thanks for your reply though. I know that this is a miniscule problem in some peoples eyes...I just like reassurance from folks ya know :)
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Ive been there and some people can really take grudges to the limit! i have been pushed out by one girl who thought i was a bosses pet (because he gave me new years eve off work and not her!) when really i just did my job without backchat etc.

some people will always make your life hard and thats a shame, i hate that.
You have apologised, try and move forward, if they make your life a misery say something to your boss, dont let them make you feel crap! you know you were wrong and you have tried to put it right, you can do no more than that.
 
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Dejasade

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Jun 7, 2012
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Ive been there and some people can really take grudges to the limit! i have been pushed out by one girl who thought i was a bosses pet (because he gave me new years eve off work and not her!) when really i just did my job without backchat etc.

some people will always make your life hard and thats a shame, i hate that.
You have apologised, try and move forward, if they make your life a misery say something to your boss, dont let them make you feel crap! you know you were wrong and you have tried to put it right, you can do no more than that.
Thanks for your positive words. Yes, these 2 will take grudges to the limit. IF any grudge at all, more like a "breakup" I guess. A friendship 'breakup', although we were not great friends to begin with....very different lives. I do love your quote, always have..."what doesn't kill me makes me stronger".
hope you are faring ok as well!!
 
lovehim1016

lovehim1016

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I replied to your other thread about this. Just act like nothing happened. Time will ease the tension. I hope things get better sooner rather than later! Keep us posted!
 
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Dejasade

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2012
Messages
10
I replied to your other thread about this. Just act like nothing happened. Time will ease the tension. I hope things get better sooner rather than later! Keep us posted!
Thank you. I keep telling my self that time heals all wounds...but it's "in the moment" that is the hardest. This is just awful. I feel like i'm in high school!! I'm 31 years old....they are emailing back and forth, whispering, the one girl brought in breakfast to the other one....all in front of me.
A new job is a BIG definitely yes. I have been wanting one before this all happened. This place is NOT for me.
Anyways, i'll keep updated as the day goes on. It's only 9:35 and I am PRAYING for 5:00 to come!!!!!!!!!
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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do you know what??? Bullying and backstabbing does not stop at school!
all these campaigns about beat the bullies at school when they are just as bad when you are at work.
people pick on the vunerable, the ones who cant stand up for themselves.
i do feel for you, i know how awful the situation is
Hugs
Fox
 
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Dejasade

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2012
Messages
10
do you know what??? Bullying and backstabbing does not stop at school!
all these campaigns about beat the bullies at school when they are just as bad when you are at work.
people pick on the vunerable, the ones who cant stand up for themselves.
i do feel for you, i know how awful the situation is
Hugs
Fox
Thanks again! I mean like i've told my friends, hate me. Don't look at me. Ignore me. But the OBVIOUS nastiness, really? We are such a SMALL office, only 4 of us....so it's extremely awkward. Thanks for your words of encouragment, they help....really they do!!!
Now on to a "staff meeting"....this oughtta be fun!
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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if you get rollocked just accept it and try and not hold a grude!
clear the air and move on.
lifes too short
good luck
x
 
S

sillygirl

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Jun 20, 2012
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Dejasade- I'm new here as well and this seems like a very stressful situation especially at work. But, your friends found out you were saying some nasty things about them right? So, really they have every right to be mad. I'm surprised everyone on here is referring to them as bullies. How would you feel if your friend did that to you? They probably feel very betrayed by you. I think you owe it to them to maybe apologize again once things have cooled off. Just try and put yourself in their situation. Best of luck!
 
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Dejasade

Member
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Jun 7, 2012
Messages
10
Dejasade- I'm new here as well and this seems like a very stressful situation especially at work. But, your friends found out you were saying some nasty things about them right? So, really they have every right to be mad. I'm surprised everyone on here is referring to them as bullies. How would you feel if your friend did that to you? They probably feel very betrayed by you. I think you owe it to them to maybe apologize again once things have cooled off. Just try and put yourself in their situation. Best of luck!
Yes it is a stresful situation, and I 100% blame myself. I have apologized. I have also made peace with myself over the situation. I have realized that i'm not better than any single person in this entire world. I have also realized what I said WAS awful and I truly deserve to not have them as friends.
BUT, at the same time, they do not have to be childish at work.....emailing one another and giggling, bringing in breakfast for everyone but me, asking everyone but me if they need help w/ work stuff. Like i said, this is truly a life changing situation that I am in, and I have very kindly explained that to them. My lesson is learned. Maybe that is why some people are referring them as bullies. I didn't physically harm anyone, I didn't wish harm upon them. So why treat me the way they are? Just get over it, dislike me and move on with your lives. I am.
 
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jaxie40

Guest
Hey hun. I sympathise with you, but for you to say they should just get over it isn't right. We don't know what you said about them, but maybe it's really hurtful to them. I would be really upset, personally, if I found a so-called friend was doing that to me behind my back.
 
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Dejasade

Member
Joined
Jun 7, 2012
Messages
10
Hey hun. I sympathise with you, but for you to say they should just get over it isn't right. We don't know what you said about them, but maybe it's really hurtful to them. I would be really upset, personally, if I found a so-called friend was doing that to me behind my back.
I don't mean "get over it" as in, "get over it and be friends with me again! Forget what I said about you and let's go back to the way it was!" I don't mean that in the slightest. I just mean, it's done, it happened, you don't need to keep bullying me and making me feel worse than I am. There is a saying, 2 wrongs don't make a right. They are going overboard on the 2nd wrong.
That said, we weren't at all great friends. More of friends out of convenience. God removes people from your life for a reason....and that doesn't just go for me. For them too. I'm sure i'm out of their lives for a reason as well.
 
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