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hey everyone that happens to read my post, im very new to expressing my opinions and so if I under or over share, I apologise!
Im a 23 year old living with my parents and have been suffering from extreme agoraphobia for the past 10 years,although the past 2 years have been the most intense year. I spend most of my days hiding away in my bedroom, playing video games because even going downstairs and spending time with my family is sometimes just too hard to do.
When I was 13 years old, I was bullied(physically and mentally) because of my weight and general awkwardness which as a result of this, I sometimes just couldn't even get out of bed,let alone get ready for school and actually go. leaving me with having to be homeschooled for the last 5 years of my school life, so I cut all ties with what little friends I actually had at the time. I eventually got decent exam grades considering my agoraphobic limitations,but I always knew something was missing in my life the whole time...
fast forward to 2018, I have been housebound for the past year because I just simply cannot get out of the house for anymore than 5 mins to help the family collect the weekly shopping load and im in a constant state of depression and general sadness. Then I met a very dear friend through an online game we both enjoy together. We have been friends for over a year now and we both have had a great connection together and there is never dull time when we are together playing. we can discuss everything and anything to each other in a safe space and know that it stays between us and us only. we have recently both admitted we are feeling more than just friends towards each other and dream about how good we would be together!
Theres just a few issues as to why we cant be together...the first,she is stuck in a marriage that I believe she doesn't want to be in anymore because of several reasons I wont discuss. the second, I am so majorly agoraphobic that sometimes even thinking about going to meet her in person gives me panic attacks. third, I live in the UK and she lives in America...usually that wouldn't affect things as one of us could get on a plane and go visit, but neither of us have any real amount of money to be able to do this.
So the point of this post, after giving a slight background, is to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation? my feelings are split right now: I WANT to change myself for the better so in the future maybe we could meet each other face to face so I can see her smile in person and just love everything about who she is. then on the other hand, im afraid of the failure that I see happening if I can overcome my intense agoraphobia. my entire life would change, whether its for the good or bad im not sure. I fear what my family would say if I say everything im saying right now out loud they've always babied me because of how insecure I am. As part of my agoraphobia I get government disability money to help the day to day life easier for me and almost 90% of that goes towards paying for bills and such, of which I know would cripple my family if we lost that and I feel they would almost be disappointed that I would have a selfish thought like I am right now.
If anyone is reading this has any opinions or extra questions that I maybe didn't make clear , please feel free to set them on me. I made this post for an outsiders opinion, be it a positive one or a negative one!
Thanks for at letting me be here to put my feelings in word form.
halfwaypear!
Im a 23 year old living with my parents and have been suffering from extreme agoraphobia for the past 10 years,although the past 2 years have been the most intense year. I spend most of my days hiding away in my bedroom, playing video games because even going downstairs and spending time with my family is sometimes just too hard to do.
When I was 13 years old, I was bullied(physically and mentally) because of my weight and general awkwardness which as a result of this, I sometimes just couldn't even get out of bed,let alone get ready for school and actually go. leaving me with having to be homeschooled for the last 5 years of my school life, so I cut all ties with what little friends I actually had at the time. I eventually got decent exam grades considering my agoraphobic limitations,but I always knew something was missing in my life the whole time...
fast forward to 2018, I have been housebound for the past year because I just simply cannot get out of the house for anymore than 5 mins to help the family collect the weekly shopping load and im in a constant state of depression and general sadness. Then I met a very dear friend through an online game we both enjoy together. We have been friends for over a year now and we both have had a great connection together and there is never dull time when we are together playing. we can discuss everything and anything to each other in a safe space and know that it stays between us and us only. we have recently both admitted we are feeling more than just friends towards each other and dream about how good we would be together!
Theres just a few issues as to why we cant be together...the first,she is stuck in a marriage that I believe she doesn't want to be in anymore because of several reasons I wont discuss. the second, I am so majorly agoraphobic that sometimes even thinking about going to meet her in person gives me panic attacks. third, I live in the UK and she lives in America...usually that wouldn't affect things as one of us could get on a plane and go visit, but neither of us have any real amount of money to be able to do this.
So the point of this post, after giving a slight background, is to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation? my feelings are split right now: I WANT to change myself for the better so in the future maybe we could meet each other face to face so I can see her smile in person and just love everything about who she is. then on the other hand, im afraid of the failure that I see happening if I can overcome my intense agoraphobia. my entire life would change, whether its for the good or bad im not sure. I fear what my family would say if I say everything im saying right now out loud they've always babied me because of how insecure I am. As part of my agoraphobia I get government disability money to help the day to day life easier for me and almost 90% of that goes towards paying for bills and such, of which I know would cripple my family if we lost that and I feel they would almost be disappointed that I would have a selfish thought like I am right now.
If anyone is reading this has any opinions or extra questions that I maybe didn't make clear , please feel free to set them on me. I made this post for an outsiders opinion, be it a positive one or a negative one!
Thanks for at letting me be here to put my feelings in word form.
halfwaypear!
