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New here, and trying to put things back together

R

RDX_79

New member
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Central NH
I read through some of the posts here, and everyone seems really accepting and supportive, so here goes.

First, a little backstory - growing up, my mother had significant mental health issues. She was diagnosed with several disorders, with some diagnosis being suspect, as she was an alcoholic. Before she passed, they would finally settle on a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

I'm trying to put my life back together after being in a not so great place for the better part of five years. I'm in my early 40's, and I struggled with depression off and on ever since I can remember, but about 5 years ago it got to a point where it was impacting my life (maybe not my work so much, but everything else). I'm ashamed to admit I found myself doing everything I could to find some sort of happiness. While some people may go toward drugs or alcohol, I found myself looking for happiness outside my marriage (that's it's own thread for another time). After some time on medication for depression, along with therapy, we would try to put things back together for about a year and a half. I stopped going to therapy, and then gradually, about this time last year, I slipped back into a depression. Fortunately, I didn't make any of the same bad decisions, but I did find myself back in therapy.

For better or worse, I received the same diagnosis my mother had years ago. My therapist and I would talk about how I could largely expect some ups and downs over the course of my life, with many medication changes and struggles ahead. Hearing that (though it was delivered in a very "we can get you through this" way) panicked me. I knew what my childhood was like with my mother, and I didn't want that for my kids. I knew what my father went through as a spouse, and I didn't feel I could put that on my wife. I became intensely absorbed in this, to the point where my wife knew something was wrong and assumed I was having another affair (I wasn't). After a couple of months, and getting through the holidays, we separated in January 2021, with our divorce being final in March. It was a bit of a self sacrifice - I couldn't let my wife continue to suffer with my internal struggles. In hindsight, that was probably a mistake.

Now that I'm feeling better, with adjusted meds and the beautiful weather, it's time to put my life back in order. What does that mean? Well, that's what I'm working to figure out, but I do know one thing - I'm going to need support along the way, and I'm hoping to find it here!
 
Bod

Bod

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
5,774
Location
Planet POSITIVE
Welcome to the forum, you have made a big step in joining here as everyone is so helpful and caring and we are all here to help you in your journey to a bit better life.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
20,799
Location
Nowhere
hi RDX :welcome:

hope you find it helpful here


:grouphug:
 
LearntheEssentials

LearntheEssentials

Well-known member
Joined
May 22, 2021
Messages
309
Location
Germany
Thank you for opening up and sharing your story.
I can totally agree with what Bod said!
its a very big step to realize that something aint right and seeking to understand it.

This forum has helped me lots and im sure it will help you aswell!
If you have any questions or just want someone to listen to you, my DM's are always open.
:cool:
 
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