New Guy on the Block

KeenOldCadaver

KeenOldCadaver

Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
#1
Hey folks, I feel like I'm one of the luckier ones around here. I'm sorry for all that you're going through. I'll try to offer my advice and support wherever I can.

That said, what brings me here is a tendency to lose myself a bit when I'm pursuing a romantic relationship. For instance, there's a girl at work that I have a huge crush on. All I ever did was fixate on her 24/7 from the first day I saw her. That's not healthy at all. So, to try and help it, I actually asked her out, and things got better...but now they're worse. It's been 3 weeks since I asked her out, and no plans have been made yet. She has my number, and every day that goes by without a text to hang out is just killing me. In the grander scheme of things, because of our schedule, it's really only been like a week because we work so much...but it's still driving me up a wall. I think I would be better off assuming she lost interest, that way I can go back to a normal work life, but then I get pretty bummed and start to lose my appetite (which hasn't been that good anyway since I've been sick on and off for the past few weeks).

On top of that, I'm afraid she may be interested in someone else anyway. So, all of that thrown together into a boiling pot of mental instability makes for a constant headache of worry and anxiety.

For a brief moment, I had some clarity. When I asked her out, I felt invincible. I felt great...like I could do anything. Now because of this anxiety, I'm going back into a bit of a shell, and I feel pretty dumb most of the time. Like...what normal person acts like this? I haven't even known her for like two months yet...why am I going berserk over nothing? My plan was to ask her out, become friends, and go slowly from there...but my mind is constantly trying to rush things and be stupid.

So here I am! I feel like I bug a couple of my friends by talking about it too much, so I thought maybe I'd try an online forum. Thanks for reading, and I'm looking forward to chatting with you in future posts.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
760
Location
California, USA
#2
So when you asked her out, did she say yes? And if she did say yes, can’t you now just ask if she wants to go get dinner or something, on a certain day, and see what she says?
 
KeenOldCadaver

KeenOldCadaver

Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
#3
So when you asked her out, did she say yes? And if she did say yes, can’t you now just ask if she wants to go get dinner or something, on a certain day, and see what she says?
You would think it would be that easy. It's kind of a complicated situation though. First of all, we're at work, that's the only time we can really talk, but we're both super busy, so we rarely actually have the time to talk. I have her number, but I mentioned texting her, and she said she'd let me know when she's free (like, kind of came across like no, don't text me, but she didn't actually say that), but that she's been busy lately. Part of me thinks that sounds like an excuse, but at the same time, like I said, it's really only been like a week and a half since I first asked her out. It's been something like three and a half weeks total, but we work 12 hour shifts, so we literally work half of our time so we can't hang out on the days we work. Does that make sense?

So anyway, I figure I'd leave it up to her to text me, because another major concern of mine is that she's quite a bit younger than I am. She's 18, but I'm 30, and I don't want to pressure her too much into going out. But that age difference is another reason I'm having a bit of a meltdown. It's such big of a gap, but most people are telling me it's not a big deal, especially just starting out as friends to see where it goes. Others see an issue. As far as I can tell, it's only an issue if she or I would happen to think it's an issue. If everything works, fine, but if not, I'm not about to force anything.

To answer your initial question, yes, she did say she wanted to hang out, but it wasn't a quick answer, like she kind of had to think about it. Maybe I just caught her off guard? Maybe she's just unsure. I'm pretty sure she knows my age, so that might be holding her up. I don't know. It's driving me pretty crazy though, because I just don't know what's going on. I'd ask her at work, but I haven't been seeing her much. Oh, and on top of not seeing her much, half of her family works there too, so I don't know how protective they are, if they know at all, or what. It's really nerve wracking. Amusing. But nerve wracking.

I keep telling myself, "Hey, you did what you could so far, just let it work its course." but then another part of me just keeps fretting over it constantly. Like, what if she's not interested or likes someone else? I mean, at that point there's nothing I can do, but yeah. I don't know if it's just that I got signals that she was interested, and I fell hard for her and it's been 6 years since my last relationship (which ended horribly by the way)? Or if it's such a good opportunity, like, at work, I can try to talk if I get a chance; I don't have to go out and ask a random stranger out? I don't know what it is, but as you can tell, I just overthink it like crazy, and my poor brain has just about had enough.

I know I'm fixating unhealthily on the situation, and I don't know how to not do that, and that's the main reason I signed up for these forums. Ultimately, I think I'm just overthinking everything since it's been so long since I've had a relationship. That's the one thing that I've wanted more than anything for a long time. I've become healthier, lost weight, got a job, am saving for the future, etc. I am just super lonely. I guess, the idea of someone actually being interested in me got to me bad. Acting like this is going to be what drives her away unless she does like someone else more, but as of right now, I'm having a hard time working things out.
 
KeenOldCadaver

KeenOldCadaver

Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
#5
hello ,i just wanted to welcome you to the forum
i hope you like it here
lots of love fairy Lu xx
Thank you for the kind welcome. So far so good! This is kind of a mess of an intro thread, but I feel like it's a pretty good testament to how hung up I am about my situation.

It may not seem too bad on the outside, but I'm always completely distracted at work, and I cover a wide range of emotions from ecstatic to dispirited.

That said, when I'm not crippled from that situation, I feel relatively okay most of the time, so I hope I can add something worthwile to the forums.
 
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