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New Experience of Hearing.

D

Dottyone

Guest
I have started my new medication dose of Seroquel today and I am hoping that the voices I have heard in the past were only a result if sleep deprivation, only a few weeks of taking my new meds and good sleep will tell I suppose.

I told my pdoc I dont want a diagnosis of Pychosis, and he said just to take the new dose of quitiapine and see how I go on for now and he acknowledged my concerns about another Dx.

On Friday I was waiting on a Balcony outside my front door for my Mum which looks over the stairs and other front doors, I heard what seemed to be a front door catch on the top floor where I am myself, what seemed only a few moments later I heard all the front door catches being played with, I got frietened and stayed their in a dream like state, I was unsure if I was even their or in a dream, I heard a man telling me to do something over my balcony, the strange thing was for the first time I could not tell if my hearing was external or internal.

Ive always been able to tell in the past, but this time the dream state while hearing made things feel more out of my control of my whereabouts or if it was even real.

I also heard a voice coming from my right computer speaker while typing an email, my first reaction was why is only one speaker working, then I realised they were not even plugged in.

I am hoping I am not psychotic and all this is just related to sleep insomnia and stress.

I just cant accept anything else, I have a mental block on dealing with the word psychosis.

This is not really happening.
 
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Deliah

Guest
Hey Teddy, what ever language anyone else uses for your experience, if it doesn't resonate with you then use your own language for it. Does it feel possible to feel curious about the experience, instead of fearful? Can you think something like 'how interesting that my mind is doing that' on instead of fearing the experience. I even say thank you sometimes, as this is a warm and accepting response to my experience. If I am fearful of it, I am only fearing the workings of my own mind. Love to you. D xxx
 
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Dottyone

Guest
Hey Teddy, what ever language anyone else uses for your experience, if it doesn't resonate with you then use your own language for it. Does it feel possible to feel curious about the experience, instead of fearful? Can you think something like 'how interesting that my mind is doing that' on instead of fearing the experience. I even say thank you sometimes, as this is a warm and accepting response to my experience. If I am fearful of it, I am only fearing the workings of my own mind. Love to you. D xxx
HI Deliah,

thanks for your reply, I sometimes think a diagnosis would be better but most of the time I dont and would rather not be put in a box to satisfy a Mental Health System, it's really quite a coincidence that you mentioned if I feel curious about my events that I have, they scare the hell out of me and I soon realise soon after that what had happened was not normal.

I sometimes find my events quite magical and I always end up over thinking for days after, I can only describe my events as a dream like state like being in my own bubble with reality outside of the bubble.

I find the non violent events interesting and magical almost

I find the violent commands extremely upsetting because most of the time they happen around my family members.

thanks Deliah for your reply, it would be great to find piece or even better have no voices/no delusions and not be taking any medication, this is going to be my main aim for 2015 and to be back in work maybe.

xx thank you xx
 
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Deliah

Guest
Hello again TEDDY, I highly recommend mindfulness training. I too have struggled with getting caught up in my mind experiences and spending vast amounts of time in that magical place of visuals and so on. I have voices too, but through mindfulness I have learnt and continue to learn how to live well with them. If you seek to be without them then you will only continue seeking in my view. They happen and the best we can do is to explore them. What we resist persists and through a mindful approach we can live in the now instead of seeking another state and remaining in the struggle. It's interesting that your voices do less pleasant things when you are with your family. Do you think it's because you are putting your attention elsewhere? Do they usually have a lot of attention from you? Try telling them that you are busy with your family but look forward to chatting later. Even designate a space in your day. You don't have to satisfy any mental health system, just you. Maybe take a look at dialoguing with your voices too. See Eleanor Longden's TED talk and Rufus Mays website. These things are a gift to you, though it doesn't feel that way but with boundaries and with out the fight with them which you can learn in mindfulness practice with a good teacher (therapist) you will know your power. love to you D xxxxxx
 
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