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New experience and diagnosis

B

butterflykisses

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 30, 2020
Messages
115
Location
Oregon
I was in the process of starting. meds. and. being assessed for bp2. I've experienced many hypomanic. and. depressive episodes over the. years. Psych. was trying to determine if. i was bp2 or something like ADHD.

I am having my first manic episode. Things. were so bad and. I was out of control. at the. beginning. of. the. week and. severely sleep deprived. Almost went to hospital. But i slept last night. and woke. up feeling much better. Better, as in, not. hearing. and. seeing things, not weird voice. changes that. were. so concerning.

I am still going to do everything and i have amazing. ideas that. will change that world. And. this. month. is going to be the best month of my. life.

But ill still. be healthy. and i will take care. of myself.
I still want to stay manic as. long as. i can control my. impulsivity and can stay sane. Somehow, i knew. that this. would. happen. Months ago, as i was being. assessed and in process of finding correct. diagnosis,, thought "i could secretly be bp1 since technically. mania. could happen at any time".

I was. hypomanic for two. weeks, but. then i decided to skip meds. and. have. an. energy drink. just to keep. the hypomania going. But that same evening. as i was working in the studio. all night, the energy drastically increased and. it went. full on. The next day, went to classes and people were. so concerned because of. the way. i. was acting and the whole class. was asking each other what was wrong with. me. Some people thought i was on drugs and then someone pointed out that she thinks im manic. She. said. that she remembers me mentioning depression before and that. maybe i have bipolar. disorder. My friend Raina. told me about what was happening with the class and. they were all saying. She backed me up and said, "she is NOT on drugs" and they agreed and said. okay.

Now. i have some explaining to do on monday.
Any suggestions on what to do moving forward?
 
Zana

Zana

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
156
Location
England
Keep a log of your moods (numerically or in a journal...or both), and try to speak to your doctor as soon as you can. Lean on your support network and tell them how you feel too. Getting things out (repeatedly if necessary) helps you make sense of your thoughts and gives those around you awareness that will be critical to helping you now and in the future.

Also, I really don't recommend encouraging mania. It might not always feel as good as this and even when we feel great, we can be causing undue stress and worry for those around us. Better to go with the flow and keep checking in on yourself.

All the best!
 
B

butterflykisses

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 30, 2020
Messages
115
Location
Oregon
I didn’t realize how dangerous it was to be manic. I thought I knew. I just cannot seem to control my life and people see me fighting with myself and trying so hard to keep my Impulses under control. They say I’m looking so exhausted because I think I could just use it for my songwriting time but then control all the rest of my life and not let anyone notice.
I didn’t know how out of touch with reality it I am. Nothing makes sense and it feels so uncomfortable for people to say I’m manic because I’m getting the attention that I wanted for a long time but didn’t want to like. I wasn’t allowed to like the attention so I hid for years, pretending and trying to not get too excited about compliments and couldn’t let anyone see I liked the attention.
My secret obsession with trying to make everything look so perfect and trying to always do good. I learned things about myself that I otherwise would have never even known. I was ashamed of appearing to be a slacker. I was ashamed to appear to want attention.
I would get so defensive and people would say I’m being dramatic because I have logic that doesn’t make sense to anyone else but it makes perfect sense to me. I learned so much about my life today.
 
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