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New dude here and I got a question: why can't I make eye contact?

D

depresso_expresso

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2021
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1
Location
Las Vegas, NV
I know a lot of people struggle with eye contact, but my problem just seems to get worse and worse. I can't even make eye contact with my family and friends that last more than one second. On top of that, I can't look at strangers, like at all. It's not even an eye contact thing at that point. For example, at restaurants when they ask for my order I always try to look at them, but my gaze immediately falls back down and then I can't look back up anywhere that's past their abdomen until they leave. Seriously, why does this happen? Is it really just a social anxiety thing? Will it ever go away?
 
V

Vegan_veggie

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Mar 20, 2021
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180
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Uk
It sounds like low self esteem but you’ve managed to type about it as if that’s not true. Maybe they’re not willing to be looked at and are sending you messages trying to make you look away
 
Argon

Argon

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Aug 27, 2019
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599
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USA
It's really common in people with SAD. It heightens our anxiety. Being watched closely is creepy I guess and when you are looking right at someone you can't ignore the fact that you're being watched.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
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Canada
Yeah, it's mostly a social anxiety thing, in my opinion. You've got a lot going on in your mind and in your nervous system, socially at least. Eye contact is uncomfortable for some of us a lot of the time. Could be a lack of confidence. The eyes hold a lot of information about how someone is feeling towards you or regarding what they are feeling. It can be a bit overwhelming and I find it strange seeing people maintaining eye contact as their usual way of talking. It doesn't feel natural to me. I grew up in a family that did very little eye contact, and now as middle aged men we do little of it. Most of our talking will have little to none. People raised to make plenty of eye contact in their family might find us "eye shy" people a bit strange if they see it as the normal way to communicate.
 
C

candycane

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Feb 15, 2021
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214
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Online
I know a lot of people struggle with eye contact, but my problem just seems to get worse and worse. I can't even make eye contact with my family and friends that last more than one second. On top of that, I can't look at strangers, like at all. It's not even an eye contact thing at that point. For example, at restaurants when they ask for my order I always try to look at them, but my gaze immediately falls back down and then I can't look back up anywhere that's past their abdomen until they leave. Seriously, why does this happen? Is it really just a social anxiety thing? Will it ever go away?
It sounds like you might have social anxiety.
It is best to see a doctor and get a complete medical work-up,to be sure.
I hope this helps.
 
Prettyroses99

Prettyroses99

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Dec 23, 2020
Messages
217
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California, USA
When I speak to people I'm naturally overly flirtatious. I don't maintain eye contact for long because I like to watch their facial and body language as well as my surroundings.

Keep your head up and focus on your surroundings and facial expressions of whom you are speaking to. There's no need to stare into someone's eyes like you're in some sort of trance.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
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4,487
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Canada
I bet this issue is common enough that there could be a job in it for somebody. The Eye Contact Specialist. "Give me twenty dollars and I'll help you practice."
 
whyme88

whyme88

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Oct 1, 2017
Messages
65
Location
Northamptonshire
I struggle with eye contact too but I understand that most people will find it rude if you don't maintain eye contact when talking.
I try to focus at the temple just above the eye and briefly pause eye contact, which I find helps.
 
Desire less

Desire less

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Joined
Mar 7, 2021
Messages
208
Location
Holland
Sometimes people think you have no interest when your looking elsewhere.

Think it has to do with your whole appearance how people look at it.

I noticed when i was very depressed and felt i was very unlikely to ever chance that i didn't even look people who know everything about and completly trust in the eyes.

When i miraculously partially recovered i felt so strong i looked people like in the eyes constantly without even considering it.
 
Empish

Empish

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Apr 7, 2021
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60
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Uk
Not necessarily an autistic trait. Social anxiety and lack of confidence also cause it.
 
zula77

zula77

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Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
51
Location
York
For me I think that if I make eye contact for too long with someone, they will be able to perceive how afraid I am inside, there's also the intimacy of it, it makes me feel vulnerable. I'm much better than I used to be and that has simply come with time and having to be in such situations where eye contact is necessary
 

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