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New dad suffering postnatal depression

S

sash2234

New member
Joined
Oct 3, 2019
Messages
1
Location
uk
Hi,

I recently became a dad for the first time two months ago. My wife and I had planned to have a child and got pregnant fairly quickly. The build up to the pregnancy was exciting and I felt prepared for my new role in the Childs life and our new start as a family.

Now that our baby is home I feel hopelessly depressed and detached, despite my best effort to bond with the baby I just don't feel anything. I feel physically exhausted feeling this way and just want to hide and sleep so I can forget I'm feeling like this. The overarching feeling is that of massive regret, and I keep thinking about our life before the baby came along and how perfect it was and what compelled us to bring a child into the mix - a dreadful thought I know but I just don't know how to feel positive at the moment and its debilitating and at times making me feel like a want to die to escape it all. I had an honest conversation with my wife about how I was feeling and she was really sympathetic and pretty upset that she couldn't do anything to help me, now I feel like the longer this goes on the more I will push her away and damage the bond between myself and my child.

Last week I visited my GP and was prescribed some anti depressants but was told it could be a long road before they start to work. Although on taking the first couple of doses I did feel a bit better, however now I'm going deeper and deeper down into depression and can't really see the point in anything. I never expected to feel this way and am genuinely sad when I wake up in the morning.

If anyone can offer hope, I would really appreciate it right now.

Thanks
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
8,625
Location
hiding behind the sofa
Hi sash and welcome. Firstly congratulations on the birth of your little on. We all think we know how well react when a baby arrives but its different for everyone. Most people comment on the mother and what she’s gone thru but you as a dad have been thru a lot of changes. You’ve probably been used to being able to go out for a meal when you want, come. Inwhen you want . Now everything is being controlled by a little feeding and pooping machine. Do you think it could be that now your realising you’ve got a lifelong responsibility and its just sinking in and scaring you a bit. When you wife has her next visit with the midwife go with her and you talk to the midwife about your worries. Their there for you as well. There may even be a new dads group that you could get involved with where you could chat with other likeminded men and you may realise that your feeling aren’t all that unusual
 
KMV

KMV

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2019
Messages
15
Location
London
Parenting is so hard!!
Adjusting to a baby can very tricky as well. Please know that you aren't alone...it will get better.
It could be around 6 weeks before you start to feel better with respect to your medication.
Take it one day at time...
What has worked for me...take turns with each other...let one parent sleep in or stay up late with the baby. If she is breastfeeding it's more tricky...
Once your baby is on a routine...it gets much easier....
Hang in there...
 
moether

moether

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2019
Messages
10
Location
UK
Thank you for sharing. It takes a lot to admit you're struggling with bonding with your baby. Post natal depression/anxiety is still not talked about enough, even less so for fathers. But it really does help to keep talking. Definitely speak with your wife's health visitor. I've had post natal depression with both of my children and what helped the most was talking therapy and support groups. Right now I'm doing an online CBT course called Silvercloud. I saw that they have a lot of stuff for dad's too.

You're feelings are valid. You are not alone. x
 
J

jaycuttler27

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2019
Messages
4
Location
zagreb
hello
i have the same problem, i have 3 months old daughter but instead of loving her i am having troubles dealing that i will have a chilld which i didnt plan and its a big problem for me get used to listening of crying and sometimes when i have thoughts of killing her.
 
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