New comer

[gnasha]

Hi,

Just found your forum and feeling very glad that its hear.

I'm 30 and have been having a very difficult time of late so happy to find some people out there going through the same stuff.

Forgive me for putting this but I need to get it out.

My life seems to have fallen apart. I thought me and my partner were made for each other until I walked in on her cheating on me with an old friend of mine. Since then things have gone bad to worse. Eventually told my mother about being sexually abused, had a huge fight, went back to g/f to hear she wanted to be with this other person. Took an overdose. Found on bathroom floor and admitted to hospital. Went awol from work as couldn't deal with anything which has now led to me being sacked for being mentally incompetent.

G/f's new partner had me beaten up and still hasn't been arrested by the police. G/F asked to get back with me...though yay, at last somethings going right. Now have just been told that we're not back together and she still wants to see this other person.

Think I have finally reached lowest point. Can't stop crying as I get angry and I'm scared of what I'm going to do to myself. I need help but feel like I've got no one left to turn to. My life has been systematically destroyed and I don't know how to repair it...

 

[Emily-Rose]

Hey there.

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear you've had a bad time recently. Don't be afraid to post on here and ask for help and support, everyone's really nice here and are here to help you Even listen to you if you just need to rant.

PM me anytime.

Emily.x

 

[Jolene]

HI

Thats not fair that you should be beaten up when she cheated on you hope everything gets better for you

 

[bromptonbill]

Sounds like you've had a shit time lately gnasha -- when it rains it pours -- but I truly hope things get better for you.

I'd forget your ex, at least for the time being until you get yourself back on your feet and see how you feel then.

 

[bromptonbill]

Hi

I feel I need to tell the latest chapter in my life and what lead to my current "breakdown" in the hope that someone may have some insight and also just to get it off my chest. Part of my problem is I can't let it go and I'm just repeating the events in my mind and have done since it happened about a month ago. It's regret, deep regret at a great opportunity lost, my own stupidity and lack of balls.

After months of searching for a job I landed one abroad (a Mediterranean country) one way flight paid for and 4 weeks accommodation. I flew out there in quite a good mood -- I suppose I did have doubts at the back of my mind. Arrived at apartment about 1 o'clock in the morning. It was very hot. I didn't really sleep. Got up next day and had a llok round city -- I walked for miles -- blisters on my feet.

That night I didn't sleep, too hot, and I kaept having massive muscle jerks. may be I was dehydrated. Felt really isolated in apartment -- balnk walls, nothing on television. Went out again and walked for miles again. Sweating buckets again -- may be it was the stress, side effect of the anti-depressants I was on, and the heat.

Sunday night -- work next day. Didn't sleep again. My mind was all over the place, I was concerned I was going to go really downhill like I have in the past and start to be suicidal. Wnet to work -- signed all the forms -- in the office I couldn't even do the simplest things expected of me - I grabbed my manager and told him I wanted to leave. He said don't so anyhting drastic yet.

Didn't sleep again. Agonising over decision to stay or go. Decided to go -- I just had to get out of there I couldn't see myself surviving -- I had to buy a car soon, find somewhere to live and so on -- I felt overwhelmed by the prospect -- I hadn't even organised my finances properly before I left -- I probably could have still sorted something out but I panicked.

Phoned HR and told her I wanted to resign. Went into office and signed resignation papers. That was it. Booked a flight home. Next day I was back in the UK -- totally deflated.

Ever since I've been struggling to come to terms with what I've done. I had a good job in a nice place, now I'm unemployed, on sickness benefits, constantly anxious, sometimes suicidal, living at my Mum's (that's another story).

The other story is that just before I was due to fly off, ny ex-wife was thrown out by her new partner and moved back into the house we jointly own but which I had been living there with my son. Because I was going away, It didn't seem a problem -- but now I'm unexpectdly back I had to move into spare room at my Mum's and the situation here is far from ideal.

If I could turn back time. Its not the first time I've done something like this, but this time it often feels like the end of the road.

I beat myself up constantly about it and still really don't know why I did what I did. I was reading about Marcus Trescothick (see http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...-black-wings-depression-destroyed-career.html) who had to give up his international career because of anxiety and depression (adult separation anxiety disorder) which I've been told by a couple of pdocs in the past is my main problem.

 

[Countrylad]

Hi there new comer . Never apologise for expressing the hurt you are feeling . I too am in a similar scenario and have suffered from the same past traumas . New to here my self and just wanted to put it out there that people are hear to help listen and they understand . Take care m8 .lee