M
MarkUK
Member
Founding Member
Hello everyone and thank you for sharing your thoughts on what seems to be what we are all going through in various shapes or forms. My heart goes out to everyone whos stories I have read and even after ten minutes of reading gained some solace in realising none of us are alone.
I have never suffered any mental health problems before prior to September 2006. I work for the emergency services and have dealt with some pretty trumatic events which would effect the most strongest of minds. However it was my choice to do such work and always handled every situation thrown at me. Until the situation became more closer to home.
I have a daughter who is nearly 2 and her mum did not handle her pregnancy well and became quite violent towards me... I know that that was not good for her either. My daughter was born and the Violence continued and had to get out of the relationship. I did and financialy and emotionally supported my daughter and had her in my care for a 3rd of the time.
I met a new partner who had a little girl also and all was well. My new partner anounced she was pregnant and all was well and I was very happy to become a dad again as I love my daughter and children are the world to me. We were due to get married and I sorted housing / marriage / finances to prepare for my new life.
I took my daughter on holiday with my family for her 1st Birthday but my fiance could not come because of her child / schooling ect! I had just been to the scan and saw my new baby for the first time which for me was exciting and reassuring that life was getting better. Whilst I was away I called my fiance to ask how things were and check she was ok. She told me she had lost the baby. This turned out to be untrue as I knew there was something not right. I callenged her about it and got a message back so bad that I can not repeat it but involved my baby and a "dustbin" so you can imagine what had happened. This put me over the top and when I returned off holiday my living babies mum found out that I was due to get married and I was going to be a dad again.... This made her angry and she then stopped me seeing my daughter and effectively took her out my life. I went from being a proud member of the emergency services and loving father to losing 2 children in less than one week. Usual story, booze, tears and an attempt on my life followed. Then the allegations started ... My ex stated to police I was in possession of a firearm, which I wasnt and had my flat and mum and dads house searched... It was all very traumatic and had me arrested for asking for my daughter back. (Abused Harsassment Legislation). This was dealt with by the courts very sypathetically thank god.
Eight months have passed and things were going ok until 2 weeks ago when my hair started falling out and my body effectively shut down out of the blue!... So upset I went out and got a moheekan haircut, a new set of clothes "to reinvent myself" and posted on Facebook I was off. I didnt mean suicide!!!.. I returned later that evening to find 10 police officers in my parents house after breaking the door down believing I may be dead. I have now found myself back at square one after 8 months of couselling and nearly 2 years on Anti'ds.
I'm determined to take that long arduous journey again to yet again try to rebuild my life and it starts here by getting it off my chest. Back to the doc on Friday. The truth is I dont want to be on this planet but I could never do anything like that again or put my family through that hurt. Especially my daughter. I will just have to endure the misery and work through it again. Well here we go!
Good luck everyone !
MarkUK
I have never suffered any mental health problems before prior to September 2006. I work for the emergency services and have dealt with some pretty trumatic events which would effect the most strongest of minds. However it was my choice to do such work and always handled every situation thrown at me. Until the situation became more closer to home.
I have a daughter who is nearly 2 and her mum did not handle her pregnancy well and became quite violent towards me... I know that that was not good for her either. My daughter was born and the Violence continued and had to get out of the relationship. I did and financialy and emotionally supported my daughter and had her in my care for a 3rd of the time.
I met a new partner who had a little girl also and all was well. My new partner anounced she was pregnant and all was well and I was very happy to become a dad again as I love my daughter and children are the world to me. We were due to get married and I sorted housing / marriage / finances to prepare for my new life.
I took my daughter on holiday with my family for her 1st Birthday but my fiance could not come because of her child / schooling ect! I had just been to the scan and saw my new baby for the first time which for me was exciting and reassuring that life was getting better. Whilst I was away I called my fiance to ask how things were and check she was ok. She told me she had lost the baby. This turned out to be untrue as I knew there was something not right. I callenged her about it and got a message back so bad that I can not repeat it but involved my baby and a "dustbin" so you can imagine what had happened. This put me over the top and when I returned off holiday my living babies mum found out that I was due to get married and I was going to be a dad again.... This made her angry and she then stopped me seeing my daughter and effectively took her out my life. I went from being a proud member of the emergency services and loving father to losing 2 children in less than one week. Usual story, booze, tears and an attempt on my life followed. Then the allegations started ... My ex stated to police I was in possession of a firearm, which I wasnt and had my flat and mum and dads house searched... It was all very traumatic and had me arrested for asking for my daughter back. (Abused Harsassment Legislation). This was dealt with by the courts very sypathetically thank god.
Eight months have passed and things were going ok until 2 weeks ago when my hair started falling out and my body effectively shut down out of the blue!... So upset I went out and got a moheekan haircut, a new set of clothes "to reinvent myself" and posted on Facebook I was off. I didnt mean suicide!!!.. I returned later that evening to find 10 police officers in my parents house after breaking the door down believing I may be dead. I have now found myself back at square one after 8 months of couselling and nearly 2 years on Anti'ds.
I'm determined to take that long arduous journey again to yet again try to rebuild my life and it starts here by getting it off my chest. Back to the doc on Friday. The truth is I dont want to be on this planet but I could never do anything like that again or put my family through that hurt. Especially my daughter. I will just have to endure the misery and work through it again. Well here we go!
Good luck everyone !
MarkUK