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New at Job and Comparing myself to Others

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Mav2126

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Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
73
Location
New York
Hi all - I just started a new job 2 weeks ago. I have been unemployed for a year and half because I was to afraid to go back to work being depressed and socially anxious. So I feel I have made a few connections at work with some of my co-workers and it feels so good! However, I constantly find myself thinking they are so much smarter than me. I think to myself that I am just an idiot and they are geniuses. And that somebody they are going to look at me and say what a fucking retard you are! You are such dumb ass! You don't deserve this job and you are fired. I hate these thoughts that go through my head. I have been told by others that I am intelligent person but I don't believe them.
 
M

Mav2126

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
73
Location
New York
PLUS...I have this future thought that I am just going to fuck up at some point in the future. That they are going to yell at me and I will feel massive shame and hatred. This must be something from my fucking childhood. Always wanting to please people and make others happy except my self. I have been through 30 years of therapy and medication and I still feel this way. WHAT THE FUCK!
 
Jolly

Jolly

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Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
746
Location
United Kingdom
Just be yourself and enjoy your work. Well done for getting this far. You are a good person. Take care
 
M

Mav2126

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
73
Location
New York
Thanks Jolly. I appreciate your comments!
 
Jolly

Jolly

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Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
746
Location
United Kingdom
Just enjoy the work and think positive because you are actually working which is a great achievement x
 
S

Shay94

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
464
Location
Balga. Perth
I used to be the same at my current job when I first started, despite already having experience in the job before previously in the past. I think coz its been bout 6 years since I was in it so I was extremely nervous/anxious of changing jobs n starting in a new team etc. I kept thinking they were all smarter, better than me at the job which led to the depressive thoughts come back to haunt me.. but then I remembered I've been in this job before, just at a different centre years ago so I pushed them back & allowed my confidence working with animals come back thru
 
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squizofrenia123

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
221
Location
earth
I gave up comparing myself to others a long time ago. I guess, it must be my age. I realized after becoming homeless and meeting others while homeless that people's experiences are really not comparable. I was homeless because I had been off my medication and my judgment was impaired while others I met were drug addicts, prostitutes, train hoppers, etc. There were some mentally ill people, but they had escaped from their group homes or were at the shelter because they got kicked out of their homes.

I am now working and know there are others who have way more experience then I do. But, I don't worry about it. I do my best given with what I have. I am always trying to improve my work and myself. Life is a learning process.

I am happy with myself. I think it is because I don't compare myself to others. My motto is to be the best I can be with what I have. And, if this is not good enough, then I strive to improve myself within my limits.
 
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fragrant_violet

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2021
Messages
293
Location
Tirana
Comparing yourself with others serves no useful purpose. Let them run
 

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