new and scared

[louise67]

i ended up in A&E last week with an accidental overdose.
i took tablets from the internet to help me sleep. i didnt know what i was taking or how many. turned out they had paracetamol in. i stopped once i started feeling ill, then got scared and managed to tell my sister by email.
i just want to sleep all the time, i dream about suicide and my funeral. i have voices that tell me stupid things, very angry and aggressive, which is so not me. i am normally a very quiet shy person who doesnt swear. i just dont want to be here anymore.
i have a husband and 2 kids who no nothing about how i am feeling as it would hurt them so much.
i have been refered by my GP to see the mental health team on thursday. the thought of going out scares me so much. when the phone rings i get shaky and feel my heart beating so fast. i hide the phone and keep the curtains drawn in the day.
i have had depression on and off for years but never felt like this before, and i am really scared. i dont know what is going to happen thursday. i dont want to end up in hospital. i HATE being away from home. i feel safe at home.
does anyon now what will happen at my appointment. it is with 2 people, a doctor and someone else. i feel so scared and alone.

 

[intelgal]

Hey louise,

You sound as though you are having a really tough time at the moment. I know it will be hard but I really reccomend you get some help ... could anyone come with you to your appointment? You can get help with all this!

Welcome to the Forum and keep posting. Feel free to PM if you need to talk

 

[louise67]

hi thanks for the reply, i have no one, i dont want my friends and family to find out. my sister nows and came to help me and took me to hospital but she lives about 3 hour drive away.
i just dont know what to expect from the appointment and im scared.

 

[intelgal]

Hi Louise,

Try not to worry about the appoinment... they will not do anything bad or scary. They will prob just talk to you about whats been happening and how you ve been feeling. THey ll prob just ask you lots of questions but they are nothing to worry are about they will prob just look at ways to hlep you. MAny of the things you seem to be feeling I have felt myself but with help and support I have managed to get back on my feet. It can be done.

 

[honeyquince]

Hi Louise,

As Intelgal said it's all about helping you to feel better so please don't worry (easier said than done I know!). I myself was very scared, as scared as I've been, when I turned up at the hospital but now see that it was the right decision for me at that time as that was the right place to get the help I needed.

Take care and remember that we're here too!

 

[Michael]

Hi Louise
My heart really goes out to you, a lot of us (myself included) have been in similiar situations and predicaments. I still keep the full extent of how I am secret from my most of my family and it tears me in half sometimes. My wife knows more than anyone else, she also monitors me, what I did by keeping it a secret from she says really hurt her, and in retrospect I wished I told her much earlier.
The point I really am trying to make is how would you feel if your husband or children kept from you how they were feeling? To admit to yourself that something is not quite right can go a long way in allowing yourself to resolve issues.
The decision as allways is yours, and whatever way you decide I am sure I speak for a lot of people here that we shall support where we can, but that support at home is for me a godsend.

About the actual appointment please do not worry unduly yourself, be honest with them for the more you are honest about how you feel the more they will be able to help.

Keep writing about how you feel and how you are, I find it really does help me to regain perspective.

Best Wishes

Michael

 

[louise67]

hi thanks for all your kind replies.
i have been diagnosed with psychotic depression, not sure what it means but i know its going to be a long rd to recover. i have been put on risperidone and citalopram. can anyone tell me what side effects i can expect please.
its been such a long hard scary day.

 

[blackdog]

Hi, welcome to the forum. The road to some sort of recovery may be long but you've taken the first step, thats all we can do, one small step at a time, good luck on the rest of your journey. Sorry I can't help with those meds, I've never been on those. Take care.

 

[intelgal]

I take Citalopram and have found it to be beneficial. It can cause nausea in the first few weeks but is worth sticking with. Glad you got through today and I think you deserve for doing so. Now ots and lots of looking after you... and keep posting

 

[rollinat]

Welcome to the forum, Louise, and I'm glad that you got through your appt ok today, though I can understand how scary and draining it can feel. I hope the meds help you (can't help there, as I have never taken those). Be kind to yourself - you deserve it for getting through today. I hope to see you around the forum - it's a good, supportive place, as I'm hope you have seen.

Take care.


Rollinat