new and needing help please

[deepermeaning]

Hi, i am new to this forum. i have done a google serch in order to try and find any support forums.

Just days before Xmas my partner broke up with me, i was and am devastated. We werent together that long but i love him and he told me he loved me, in fact he did all the chasing etc.
He told me Xmas eve that he needed to get his head sorted for the sake of his kids and that in a few weeks he hoped, if i was willing that we could give it another go.
Last night he called to tell me he was getting back with his ex for the sake of his kids. i couldnt breathe, threw up etc.
Deep down i know this could never work, even if he were to call me now and say he has made a mistake.
I have taken the weekend off work to try and give myself some emotional recovery time.
The thing is i feel as if i am having some sort of breakdown. We were supposed to be moving in together in a couple of weeks and i have given up my flat. Everything just seems too much to cope with.
I dont even think it only has to do with this. it seems like this was the trigger to something more underlying. i have had loads of change in the last couple of years, finishing uni, moving cities, moving flats 3 times, changing jobs etc.
This was my chance of stability and i unfortunately put my all into it.

I feel so numb but every couple of hours i break down.
I am normally such a nice person but i am having nasty thoughts of others.
I feel i no longer want to be in a world where decent people constantly get messed over. Last night i looked for pills in my flat, i seriously just wanted it all to go away, and in a way i still do. There was not enough of anything though.

Sorry it is so long, but i hope someone can offer me some sort of way in which i can make it stop.

 

[intelgal]

Hiya there to the forum....


It certainly sounds like you had a real rough week and I think you should see if you can get an appointment with your GP and tell them the stress that your currenlty having and the feelings of not coping. They ll be able to guide you in the right direction and hopefully make you feel a bit more supported during this rough time.

If your feeling suicidal or just need to talk to somebody the samaritans are always there. They listen and are non judgemental and can be really supportive.

This forum is always ope and it ofen helps on here to there are lots of good people with advice and support

Intel
xx

 

[deepermeaning]

Thank you. i sent an email to the samaratins earlier today as i didnt feel able to physically talk to anyone.
I have been reading other threads here and alot of the things others are saying are ringing true, such as just not caring whether something bad were to happen to me, in fact i would quite like it i think.

Thanks though and i think i will make an appointment with my GP on Monday.

 

[saffron]

welcom Dm
wow sounds like you have had a really hard time and you must feel really lonely at the moment. Xmas is a very emotional time anyway I find. sspeaking as a parent though my priorities will always be my kids no matter what and i should think he would think the same and is probably really confused aobut things for the best as well. Please please do not take his actions personaly though as this is probably the last thing he wanted to do to you and I bet he is churning inside because of it. However, he has just left you in the lurch and you probably feel really let down by this and angry, I would. I thin he could at least be there to help you out with finding some security in a flat or something and not just leave you too it. remind him what you have been prepared to change for him.
It will be hard for a while but time will heal as they say. you just need some structure back into your life again.

thinking of you,
S

 

[intelgal]

Glad you e mailed the samaritans.. i ve found theat service really uselful and they do get back to you. Let us know how you get on with the GP. Take care.. Intel xx

 

[deepermeaning]

thank you so much.

It has been such a help to me to write on here and feel that i am not alone.

I have spoken with friends, and i am feeling a little better today. xx

 

[saffron]

Thats great to hear, a problem shared...........
hope you are well
best wishes
S