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Never had a girlfriend at 27, used to look very good but aged badly, feel cheated by life

G

goodPretender

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Never had a girlfriend at 27, used to look very good but aged badly, feel cheated by life

I feel horrible about my reason for my depression because even to me it feels like a stupid reason but I can't help it.

Backstory:

I'm a guy, 27 and have never had a girlfriend. What destroys me is that I only recently found out that I used to be very attractive. I had girls asking me out, staring at me on the street smiling at me, trying to flirt, random girls and even guys coming on to me making (in retrospect) very obvious compliments but because I was bullied as a child I didn't even consider the thought that they might be interested in me, instead I automatically *knew* that they found me weird and laughed about me as they had done when I was a child or probably just want me to help them get a job because the girls I knew all wanted to work in the same field and I had already made it.

My actual problem is:

I aged really badly and now I don't look good anymore. In fact quite the opposite. I look unappealing, a lot older than I am (have been told this on many occasions rather by accident) and disgusting really. I have huge eye bags (I'm 27) and it makes me freeze up completely when I see my reflection. I almost have to puke. People constantly rub their eyes when they see me because it's the first thing they notice and it's repulsive.

I feel like life made fun of me: Haha lets make the guy really good looking and then take it away from him when he realizes it.

Because I was bullied I have less than zero confidence. I can't talk to people. Any conversation just ends with me getting quiet because I run out of things to say. People lose interest in me after a few of those one sided conversations. Also when I say something people often just completely disregard that I said something. How can a girl ever want to be with such a nobody that everybody steps on? Which girl would ever want that?

Needless to say I don't party and don't go clubbing so I wouldn't even know where to find a girl to talk to.

I have my dream job and am very successful at it. I have accomplished a lot in my life already and I have a great family. I have (almost) everything going for me. But this nullifies it all. I have no drive anymore. I don't see any reason to push on. I don't know where I am going.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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You need to concentrate on you, help yourself get happy first.
I can sympathise with your lack of confidence though :hug5:
Have you tried any therapy to help gain your confidence back?
 
G

goodPretender

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I haven't tried that because I feel I would have to be honest for it to work but I am too ashamed to admit that my lack of confidence is coming from the fact that I'm ugly. It seems so shallow. And the fact that it isn't just a problem in the past that I can overcome by processing it. People constantly show me how ugly they find me by rubbing their eyes. They will continue to do so and it will only get worse. That's what really destroys me. Even if I happen to feel good for once one morning when I get up as soon as I leave the door somebody shows me how ugly I am. I can't escape this constant gut punch feeling hundreds of times a day. Even if somebody were to say something nice about myself once a week there are literally hundreds of times a day that I am being told that way how ugly I am. So I kinda feel like what's the point.
 
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maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Do you want to try to get better? Im sure therapists hear much worse!!
Lack of confidence has come from people putting you down so much that you believe it.
I dont hold much hope for therapy but what have you got to loose?
 

MarlieeB

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When I did CBT I had to admit about how I viewed myself.

That included fat, ugly and other things but you know what, it wasn't as bad as I thought.

Welcome to the forum x
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Oh god cbt will be interesting with my temper! I hope they dont value their life :LOL:
 
G

goodPretender

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I do want to get better but I feel as long as I don't believe therapy will help me it wont. But as I said the problem is that this is not something that happened in the past. People put me down on a daily basis so many times. I feel it won't make a difference to hear something positive once a week versus literally thousand times being put down. It's like being spat in the face by everybody who happens to see you, wherever you go.
 

MarlieeB

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I was bullied all throughout school, every single day I was there. I also have family who constantly put me down.

I can't deal with any kind of rejection that well but I can deal with it better since I had the CBT.

I do the same as you, CBT helped me but I had to be prepared to do it and want it. I can see you aren't in that place right now but I hope you will be soon.

x
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I dont believe itll help me either but I signed myself up anyway as I have nothing to loose! I might be suprised! For you what's the worst that could happen? You get there realise its not for you so dont go back..... But what if it opens your mind to a world you never considered before?
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Ugly is just shorthand for loads of character ;) Just remember that.
 
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