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Never felt this bad before.. sorry for the long post

S

So_Sad

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2012
Messages
13
Hi everyone,

I feel bad that I only see to come on here when I'm low but I just need somewhere I can say how I'm feeling.

I've been feeling pretty ok the last few months but recently, somethings have happened and they have mad a massive effect on my life and how I'm feeling. I'm a single parent and I really do try my best but there is very little money coming in. I work but only part time, and I was told that if there were more hours coming up at work I could definitely have them. Someone decided to leave and so there was talk of covering the extra work and I worked out I could cover 12-14 hours and this would take me to almost full time. I was really happy and started thinking about how this would affect my life and how I could finally afford to give my little girl some great experiences.

I then actually only got offered 3 of the 30 hours, and this was doing a late night which I can't do because I would have to find someone to get my little girl from school club which is a car ride away, and the bus is only every hour so it's not practical for me to do. I said I couldn't do these, but said what I could do and they would get back to me.

I then found out that actually, they were planning on giving the hours to someone else, who doesn't work for us. One of my colleagues got the 2 hours she wanted and I ended up with none.

It might not sound a lot, but this has wrecked my world at the moment. I won't be able to save up for a car now, and I have today had a letter from the council saying that my council tax is going up by £10 a month and I have lost £50 a month from my housing benefit. I HATE having to claim this and the idea was me getting more hours so I could support myself and not have to rely on handouts. There's nothing wrong with this don't get me wrong, but I wanted the security of knowing what I was earning and not having things changing on me all the time.

Since then, I have just sunk back into my old ways only this time it's much worse. I feel terrified and panicked all the time, I can't eat, I have no desire to do anything apart from lay in bed or on the couch. I put on the act that everything is fine when my daughter is here, but now she's at school and I have a day off and I'm just sitting watching tv. There are thoughts in my mind that won't go away, and these can range from feeling bad and upset about things that happened 15 years ago, to worrying like crazy about how we're going to manage. It's all happening at a million miles an hour and I just want it to stop. I'm sick of pretending that everything is ok when it isn't, but I feel so stupid for telling anyone about how I feel, like I should just be able to deal with things and move on but I can't. I have no idea what to do. I'm sorry for rambling on, I just needed to try and get this off my chest to see if it helped but I dont think it has.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
You don't need to feel bad about only posting on here when you're feeling upset. :hug:

That's really frustrating about your work hours. I can completely understand how disappointed and let down you must be feeling. Sometimes it only takes one thing to have a domino effect and eventually you can get really down. I can't see why they weren't able to give you the extra hours you wanted, but there.

I'm not trying to pry, but how does losing out on housing benefit and having your council tax affect you financially? Will you be able to cope? I'm wondering if there is any more support that might be available to you, though I don't really know how the situation is for people who don't have "full time" hours.

Anyway, as your title says you've never felt this bad before, i'm wondering if you're having a depressive period. Are you getting any help for mental health issues? xx
 
W

white-witch

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
1,147
Location
Dark side of the moon
I fear the system is set up that often single parents are better off financially not working. If you can motivate yourself to seek help re- what you are entitled to through an organisation like CAB that may help you know which is the best way to go forward.

There is also Turn2us the site with a calculator where you can compare working to not working or what are the best hours to work so that it is easier for you and your daughter financially.

Do not see it that you are 'having to rely on hand-outs' see it that you are willing to work and are doing the best for you and your daughter and if you are entitled to financial support to do that then that is what you are entitled to claim. So claim it and don't 'hate' claiming. You need it to get through. With your strong work ethic I am sure you will be paying in when you can.

They say money is not everything, but if you are on a tight budget and lose some it is sure to have an impact on your feelings. Please do not beat yourself up about this its a natural reaction to feeling let down by not getting the extra hours at work and then losing money also.

Take care xxx:hug:
 
albie

albie

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2013
Messages
171
Anxiety is awful. It puts me off eating too. I feel sorry for what happened to you. I hope you can see around it to getting better. A lot of anxiety is loneliness and bordom. I'm trying voluntary work to fill my time.
 
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