Neva been bad.

[xxxmetal-chickxxx]

I am sooooo low right now.. last night and the night before and the night before that going back a fair week or so... just being down, lonly, suicidal. Im never suicidal.. i self harm yes. im depressed yes i suffer from anxiety yes..but suicide ... its new to me this time round and its hit me with a vengeance. i dunno i feel really pathetic atm.... it started a few nights ago. I just wanted to be numb .. im tired ,.. i just want to crawl up in a corner and well sleep forever. Humor isnt humor to me.. a laugh is meanless. i know i sound deep but its the only way i can describe how i feel.

voice in my head really hates me today... trying to resist hurting but im weak with the amount of time its playing on me. ... should i just wait it out and wait till thu for docs appointment or try and get help.. remember people im in germany and i dont speak much german/!

 

[xxxmetal-chickxxx]

an update to myself

well nothing much has changed only.. im fed up abit more... much love xx

 

[emski]

Hang in there... I know what it's like to be depressed and be stuck in Germany (used to live there). Though I found the healthcare quite good on the whole - can't you get a sooner appointment? You know you can just go and see any kind of doctor or professional you want - you don't need to be referred, it just goes through your insurance (least that was how it was when I was there

Take care