Nervous Breakdown

[fatboyfat]

Hello everyone, this is my first post and I'm looking for advice/guidance in respect of my Mother in Law.

She was admitted to hospital in May last year with what we were told was a severe nervous breakdown, she is 68 years old and not really had any symptoms in the past.

This was a massive shock for all of the family as overnight she became a different person.
The next few weeks were very difficult and included a suicide attempt. Various forms of treatment were administered but they settled on lithium.

After a few months she was slightly better and started having day visits at home, so everything seemed rosy but it turned out that on these day visits she was building a stash of paracetamols and she took an overdose when she was back on the ward. She was obviously admitted to A and E and recovered but was then sectioned and not allowed home visits.

She has just had 8 sessions of E.C.T. and again seemed to progressing really quickly and has last week just been allowed home visits again.

Today she was found at home trying to hide a knife in her things before she went back on the ward so we seem to be back to square one.

We don't know what to do, she remarried 2 years ago so her new husband is looking after her well, visiting her everyday but also making all of the decisions and liasing with the doctors etc, they won't really tell us anything without her permission. She has refused counselling and we don't know how to help her.

We just want her home again, (she's been in the mental health unit since last May), we want her well and back to being a mum and grandma, we miss her how she was.

Will she ever be the same again I wonder?

Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.

 

[intelgal]

Hi there,

This all sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. I personally dont know what to suggest other than have you tried talking to her husband and letting him know how you feel.

Take care and this is a great place for advice and support
to the forum

Intel
xx

 

[KP1]

It can take a long time to recover and suicidal thoughts can persist for a long time.I don't know what to suggest I'm afraid but others here on the forum might have some ideas.
KP

 

[jamesdean]

Hi this is not an uncommon story I used to hide all my tablets until I had enough to take the lot in one go and I very nearly managed suicide succesfully if it wasnt for my eldest brother getting a ladder, however it took me two years to get discharged from the hospital but I realised it wasnt just the hospital I needed to get away from but the small town I lived in so I came to a big city.
Your m/i/law is having a really difficult time and you all need to give her some space my dad became depressed but he just made me laugh he was quite funny at the time, however he needed my mum around but some people deal with things in differant ways and you need to find out whot she actually wants I spent friday talking to the admin t my team because the team leader was on sick n I said I might have mh but I'm not stupid we might not understand our minds completely but we usually know whot we dont want and you might be crowding her give her a little time to chill out in the hospital and let her find her way.Just see if this works it isnt like a physical illnes often you dont need lots of vistor all the time I loved the peole that I was in hospital and didnt need any visitor esp my miserable eldest brother's face looking at me.
Take care and keep posting and let us know how things go

 

[Twylight]

Hello and Welcome

It's important to be patient and let her do what she likes

If she wants to sleep let her

Lithium is a mood stabiliser

 

[Dollit]

Lithium is usually used as a mood stabiliser but can be a very effective anti depressant and because blood tests are taken frequently it's also an effective way to monitor the person who's taking it.

If your mil is refusing to allow the team to talk to you then respect that wish. She'll tell you what you need to know if and when she's ready. Meanwhile be alert but not nosy to what she's doing when she is at home.

Being suicidal can go on for a long time - my last episode of being suicidal went on for months and I have a period of time that I lost completely and for 8 days last year I have no memory.

Get some support for yourselves and if you try this link http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo.aspx you will get some good information.

 

[fatboyfat]

My wife wants to say a few words becuase its about her Mum, as follows:

Hello everyone I'm not used to using a computer so please bear with me.

My own thoughts about my mum are that the reason she is in this situation is because she doesn't want to be with her husband of 2 years, (she actually stated this as the reason when she first went in to hospital).
She had been widowed for 7 years to my dad and they had been married for 35 years, then a carer for my grandma until 4 years ago, grandma and mum had a close relationship but grandma was quite domineering. After grandma died mum seemed to get a new lease of life, started going to art classes and dancing and this is where mum met her new husband, mum had sold her family home after much soul searching and lived in a lovely council flat with her cat. They had a whirlwind romance (mum acted like a teenager again) during their courting and first months of marriage they totally alienated themselves from family and friends, her new husband didnt have many friends and wasn't close to his family, totally different to my mum who has a close family and a large circle of friends due to her going to church (her new husband was a non believer) my mum stopped going to ladies meetings at church and seeing her friends, her sister needed her support but she felt torn between the two and she also stopped meeting me for girlie time because she didnt want to leave her husband at home on his own. He never said that he wanted her to stop seeing people directly but indirectly he did due to his actions and his own little funny ways. He started taking over household duties like cooking and cleaning ( i know any woman would love this....for a while anyway) but when you have been a wife and mother and devoted your life to looking after people for so long you start losing your identity and I think that this was down to her husband been controlling in a subtle but effective way. Mum started feeling depressed last christmas (07) which was only 18 mths into the marriage, she became withdrawn and started having panic attacks. She was prescribed anti depressants which worked for so long but she soon became very low and thats when they admitted her to the ward which she is still on after 7 months. Her latest attempt with the knife to me seems as though when she gets close to been let out she does something knowing that they will keep her in or section her again. Her refusing councelling suggests she doesn't want to face upto what the problem is because if the marriage is the problem then that leads onto more complications because she believes in her wedding vows and can't face a divorce etc and they have both sold up their homes and have nowhere else to go.

Sorry that I've written an essay but thought that it gave a bigger picture!

 

[Dollit]

That makes a lot of sense if she's contriving situations to be away from home because, for one reason or another, it's not bearable for her to be there. Like anyone who feels that all their options have been removed your mum has perhaps found herself in a place where she believes that she's tackling her problem the only way she can.

My parents stayed married longer than they should have because of my mum's religious beliefs so I can see where she's coming from. And she's from a generation where you stay married because you don't run away from vows you took seriously.

Being controlled as you've found out isn't all about violence or threats it is about being put into a place that's too uncomfortable to live in but sort of too vague to describe really. My last relationship was like that.

Could someone from the church talk to your mum. Perhaps visit her regularly and try to get her to talk or even just to sit and pray with her?

 

[fatboyfat]

Since been in hospital she has refused seeing anyone apart from her husband and myself and my two brothers. She also said that at the moment she has lost her faith and wont even talk to the hospital minister. She doesnt think that anyone can help her She refuses all offers of help, she doesnt even join in activities offered by the occupation therapist.

 

[Dollit]

I really don't know what to suggest except wait which is the hardest thing of all. She won't talk or join in until she feels ready to do so, but you need some support too. Is there anyone at the hospital you can talk to?

 

[jamesdean]

Since been in hospital she has refused seeing anyone apart from her husband and myself and my two brothers. She also said that at the moment she has lost her faith and wont even talk to the hospital minister. She doesnt think that anyone can help her She refuses all offers of help, she doesnt even join in activities offered by the occupation therapist.

The thing whot ever is causing the actual problem your mum is very poorly and I think she needs some space I know from experience that presure of people frightened me even more and I felt strangled by some of the pressure I liked the afternoons out in town with my mum n nan but i liked to go back to the hospital to sleep.

Because I was so poorly I had lost my home, restaurant and had moved back in with my parents that was a big mistake because it was to much pressure, I just know that I had to go homeless and find myown way then. I loved to see my mum n nan but I did have a difficult time accepting mum for who she was because I had been so badly dammaged by life, I couldnt tell her I love her like I can now, I hated my eldest brother for finding me after my od.
It took me two years to come through that breakdown n my mum bought me a watch has apresent for all that I had come through there isnt no one else in this world that knows whot I went through, my mum n nan naturally loved me and stood ny me but not one other person was actually in my close life luckily I didnt loose my two best friends and athird best friend didnt really know about it I'm only really saying all this because I know its hard n difficult but you must give your mum has much time has she needs, I know a psychcoligst and your mothers story isnt uncommon he deals witholder adults, I would of thought myself that if you've come this far how can you become depreessed but its amazing another one of my friends mum committed suicde when she was past sixty she had been in a loveless marriage all her life.
I dont know if the things that I have said helps because you has her daughter will be hurting for your mother I do understand that, I just think my dad was at his funnest when he was when he was depressed in recent years more so than ever before I've known him ever that dosent help you I guess, its difficult, you see my depreession dosent have a reason so I work on that basis that there might not be an actual problem it could just be the pressure of life take care James

 

[fatboyfat]

thankyou for your response. It sounds as though you have had a rough time and i hope that you are feeling better now.

Its going to be hard but it seems as though we are just going to let her find her own way through it.

thanks again