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Neighbour's granddaughter driving me mad

bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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I live in a bungalow with very poor sound insulation (see other posts) and recently I have been having trouble with the lounge side. These are one bedroom low-income houses run by the council and 3-4 nights a week they let their grandchild stay overnight. She screams, cries, yells 'grandad' at the top of her lungs constantly and slams doors which shake my walls from 8.30pm right up until 12.30am because she screams and refuses to go to bed. She comes to theirs after school hours.

The gran shouts at her constantly (I hear her more than the child at times) and I was mortified when I heard her shout 'I'm going to knock you out' the other night to this child who must be no younger than about four years old. I don't think she would have done any physical harm and was maybe at her tether but that's something you certainly don't say to a young child regardless of how far you are pushed.

Now, I don't mind if people want to have their grandkids over and I understand kids make noise (I have nephews, cousins and nieces under the age of 8) and I'm not being anti-child, but I am on the sick, I am supposed to be recovering from a bad mental health spell and I can't seem to get the peace and quiet.

Is there any way I can go around this without looking horrible to my neighbours?
 

MarlieeB

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How is your relationship with your neighbours?

I would say that is the first question you need to ask yourself and then try and find a suttle way of asking them to try and keep the noise down or have some sort of agreement maybe?

x
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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The relationship seems good - I have only met them twice but I'm afraid of asking them because I don't want to seem unreasonable as I do understand kids make noise but I don't really want to be hearing tantrums and slamming doors in my own home before I go to bed and I don't want to be made to feel like I should stop everything I do (All my activity is through headset anyway, but every few nights I will spend a few hours talking to friends at the same level I would talk if i had someone else living here) before my own bedtime at 10pm at the expense of a child being there four days a week when she has her own house to sleep at and who has tantrums up to 12.30am regardless. I know that sounds slightly selfish but her own house may have better conditioned walls than these ones for all I know.

I have a house rabbit so I'm wondering if I should bump into them on the street and offer their grandchild to see the rabbit and have that as a kind of starting point to bring up the topic?
 

MarlieeB

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That sounds like a good idea. It's a good way to start the topic off :)

x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Yes, the invitation to see your rabbit sounds like a good ice-breaker.

Personally, I would have to say, I think you're being a bit too nice. But I don't to encourage you to approach the situation in a way that's not comfortable for you.
I totally get that need to keep the peace, personally. I'm a doormat.
But I know that some other people wouldn't hesitate to either complain to the council or bang on the walls.

Anyway, I hope that you can somehow manage to get the situation to improve. It's not unreasonable to want some peace and quiet.
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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I think that's my problem. My neighbours on both sides can see I'm too nice and I think to a degree that's why they think they can get away with some things because they think I won't say anything.

I've got it worse in the bedroom because the other side like to play their TV loud. They claim they are deaf and need their TV up louder at night but will come up to me on the street and ask me of my everyday noises so they are obviously not deaf. The walls are ridiculously thin where I have heard the old lady saying 'thump, thump, thump' when my rabbit is out for his run during the day.

They are elderly, retired, have worked all their days and have adult children with jobs whereas I do not work because I am on the sick, 26, recieving housing support and psychiatric treatment. They are completely ignorant of my situation and also dislike animals.

Initially I said I didn't mind their tv up a little louder during the day and I told them the times I go to bed - but they have done the opposite, its quieter during the day but at my bedtimes and just before I wake up I can hear it right through a brick wall and plasterboard wall into my lounge. It's 23:38pm and thats what I can hear in my lounge right now.

Problem is, the council won't soundproof and I am far too nice to chap their door. My neighbourhood officer is a bit angry and says it's not on, my housing support are saying the same and my psychiatrists have flagged the disturbances saying it's leading me to 'psychosis'. The night terrors have already started coming back because of it (at least that's what I call them but maybe these are psychosis episodes).

Thing is, I just don't want any trouble because I hope it's just a party wall issue and not just old people taking a vendetta against me for being young, unemployed, mentally ill and having an animal. They do take my bins out but I'm going to start getting my housing support to take them out because they always leave bits of rubbish on my porch not from my bin when they do it and I'm starting to wonder if it's being done because they think I'm 'lazy.'

My housing support have got tough though and are now saying that they are going to raise the issue with next door because 'They can't say one minute they are hearing you and your rabbit in the bedroom one minute to then being deaf the next and having their TV up at that level any time of the day.' Hearing their voices/tv voices from the minute I wake up till the minute I go to bed has probably contributed to the night terrors because I'll wake up during the night half-asleep hearing voices because I'm not getting my full sleep.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Perhaps your housing support can go around there and ask them to keep the noise down.
They can't argue that they're hard of hearing and yet comment on any noise you make.
I'm sorry to hear that it's giving you so much anxiety - it really isn't on - and so I think that even if it means someone has to go around there on your behalf, something needs to be done.:hug1:
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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My housing support have been tough on the issue so I know they will say something. It's almost as if their good deed of taking my bins out with the rest of the street or putting up with hearing my rabbit freely running around in the bedroom (because he doesn't get caged up unless I am out of the house) allows them to get away with it. Thing is, you can't turn a rabbit down when he needs to stretch his legs but you can turn a TV down which can be heard through two walls.
 
S

sadgirl

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in my own private hell
If they are truly hard of hearing like my mum was she had when she was alive the TV on but with subtitles she always said yes I maybe deaf but everyone has to live somewhere and in there home they don't want to hear me I think that this is the trouble with society nowadays it's a I don't care attudide I've got similar issues with people slamming doors and shouting then smoking on the landing I hate smoking it reminds me of things I'd rather forget sorry went off on a tangent maybe record it and show your housing officer and then they can see that it's not just your word
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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I don't have a TV licence so my TV is rarely on. Everything I do is through my headset from talking to gaming to watching DVDs and catchup, the only time I will have my TV on is if a friend is over and wants to watch a film which last happened back in August.

I respect that the side with the granddaughter go to bed before 10pm but I will stay on my headset talking to friends for an extra hour or two every weekend because I'm a respectable neighbour when it comes to noise but I'm not going to change my routine at the expense of their granddaughter who won't sleep until 12.30am anyway because of the tantrums. If its that bad she can always sleep in her own house in her own bed not disturbing me either. I don't feel like I should have to tip-toe any more than I have to in my own home.

Tbh I think they are lucky enough as it is because they don't have to put up with hearing my tv constantly like I do from the other side. If the other side want their TV up to that level after 10pm at night they should invest in a bedroom TV where they won't be disturbing me or their other neighbours because their bedroom will attatch to their neighbours' lounge. Or if it's still loud - headsets or headphones - I'm 26 and I wear a headset when I'm using my TV/console and it does me no harm.
 
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bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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Little update on the issue - my neighbourhood officer has decided to go round and speak to them for me. She wasn't going to take no for an answer because she knows how much it is affecting my mental health and felt that if she didn't she'd be letting the both of us down because it's her job to make sure things don't escalate.

She's assured me that because the neighbours are nice people they will understand that I was a bit shy to say myself. She'll also ask them what they hear from my side just to put my mind at ease. I've had my rabbit away from the party wall for about two months and his cage is cushioned so she's hoping to get them to move their tv from the party wall. She's also said it wouldn't hurt me to get some second hand drawers or a desk to fill up the room as next door have laminate and hardly any furniture either so the rooms will echo more.

She thinks what's been waking me up in the mornings is 'chat shows' which would explain why sometimes I get woken up to what sounds like a room of two or three women having a conversation. I just presumed it would be their families round visiting before work.

I'm a bit anxious about her visit next week but I guess someone was going to have to say something eventually before it did escalate into something - knowing myself I would have ended up snapping one night. I suppose all my other networks like my cpn, doctor etc were all treading on eggshells with me and hoping I would do it myself whereas my neighbourhood officer basically told me straight that enough was enough and for the sake of my health something needed to be said.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I know it might feel a bit nerve-racking, but personally i'm really pleased your neighbourhood officer is going to go around there and say something.
I think it's quite diplomatic of her to think of asking if they can hear anything from your side - that way, it's more of a mutual thing rather than you against them, if that makes sense.

I really hope that they take note and make an effort to change. Sounds like you've been putting up with it for too long, and whilst it might not sound major to some people, I totally understand that little things like this can really get you down. :hug1:
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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I think it's good she's going to ask them straight about what noises they hear because it'll put my mind at ease so that I don't have to feel like they are listening into my every move. Even if they do make the 'But we can't hear our tv over the rabbit' excuse my neighbourhood officer is a very smart woman to know:

1) My rabbit isn't on their party wall. He's on the party wall to my lounge and I cannot hear him even sitting in pure silence. That's through one plasterboard wall - yet I can still hear their TV through the plasterboard wall AND the brick party wall, that's two walls therefore their TV is louder than my rabbit.

2) If I cannot hear him from my lounge it means both sets of neighbours will certainly not hear him in their bedrooms which would be an instant concern if they did.

3) Admitting straight off the bat they have it louder. That means they are aware. My neighbourhood officer would then be asking, 'If you are aware then would the more sensible thing to do is have it quieter?' She would also see from my logs that it's always first thing in the morning and last thing at night, if my rabbit was that loud wouldn't they have it loud during the day too? Does my rabbit just sit in it's cage between 9.30am and 10pm doing nothing all day?

4) There's a file that shows they complained about the last tenant because she hoarded animals. Whilst that's understandable for anybody to complain about - complaining over ONE pet going about its business is ridiculous. Like my neighbourhood officer says, 'it needs to live and if they don't like pets tough.' My rabbit has every right to be out its cage and have a roam of my bedroom and the use its litter tray at any hour as any other domestic pet would.

I hope it gets resolved though because it would be nice to not hear the TV when I am in my bed ready to sleep and just before I am ready to get up. It's just a bit strange how it's always those times you can hear it loud enough into your lounge. I may not be working atm, but I still have rights to a decent eight hours sleep.
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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Well, I've given them the benefit of the doubt and I have no idea if the neighbourhood officer has spoken to them yet but the last few nights it's been quiet up to 11.20pm and then as soon as I am about to go to my bed it's right up so that I can hear the soap opera catchups and their theme tunes right up to 1am accompanied by slamming doors in the early hours of the morning now.

I don't understand what I have done wrong - is it that unreasonable for me to let my rabbit out of his cage at night whilst I'm sleeping? He's nocturnal and this is the routine we will have to take when I start working again otherwise he'd have to be rehomed and I'm not rehoming him for anybody elses benefit especially when he can have a full eight hours out of his cage.

Is it really that unreasonable for me to say I don't mind it during the day if they are genuinely deaf but to be quieter between 11.30pm and 7.30am so that I get up for my appointments? I'm not saying 'you cannot listen to your tv all night'. I'm just asking them to 'keep it down'.

This whole issue is really frying my brain...
 
bluemoon2

bluemoon2

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It's been over a week now and things have improved. I decided enough was enough and texted one of my neighbours to ask them to speak for me due to my shyness - although it's still louder in the mornings they have turned it down for me after 11 and I spoke with them the other day like nothing had happened without mentioning it. My health has started to improve as a result and I'm not so edgy anymore. I hope it stays like this because I think not being able to relax and sleep played a huge part in it.
 
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