• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Negative people who try to stop you

P

PerpetuallyStuck

Guest
Does anyone have someone, or some people in their life that are always dismissive about anything you suggest? Like if you are interested in applying for a job, they do whatever they can to put you off and undermine you saying that it isn't right for you, and don't bother. Or if you get along with someone and these people tell you don't hang around with them, they aren't worth the time.

It is so frustrating because it is like they want to control me and keep me held back. I want to progress, but it feels as if I have to gain acceptance from them before I can move on in life. It can be really difficult if it is close family or friends that are critical. I should be able to do whatever I want! They should know more than anyone the amount of life I have missed out on and the need to move out of my comfort zone, but strangely there is some sort of counter productive behaviour they have which humiliates me and exacerbates my anxiety. Why can't they just be supportive, positive and encouraging? No matter how much I try to get them to understand and change how they react, they never learn.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
38,249
Location
The Prancing Pony
Yes although I got on well with my father, he was very negative. it was frustrating.

I think it is a balance between being realistic and optimistic. Sometimes you just gotta just do it and to hell with the consequences.

But yes this is an issue I also suffer from, my friends can be negative and it means less fun.
 
T

TheHeartHasAVoice

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
453
Location
Australia
Does anyone have someone, or some people in their life that are always dismissive about anything you suggest? Like if you are interested in applying for a job, they do whatever they can to put you off and undermine you saying that it isn't right for you, and don't bother. Or if you get along with someone and these people tell you don't hang around with them, they aren't worth the time.

It is so frustrating because it is like they want to control me and keep me held back. I want to progress, but it feels as if I have to gain acceptance from them before I can move on in life. It can be really difficult if it is close family or friends that are critical. I should be able to do whatever I want! They should know more than anyone the amount of life I have missed out on and the need to move out of my comfort zone, but strangely there is some sort of counter productive behaviour they have which humiliates me and exacerbates my anxiety. Why can't they just be supportive, positive and encouraging? No matter how much I try to get them to understand and change how they react, they never learn.
I think this happened to me. What I find useful is to not tell anyone and just do it. Or try and minimise how much information you release. That way you appreciate your own efforts and become self-reliant and independent. It's a lovely feeling. People judge easily and will stunt your growth in life whether they realise it or not. I commend your efforts.
 
T

TheHeartHasAVoice

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
453
Location
Australia
It feels good to share things but unless it's something someone really connects with you in, you can be demoralized and your self esteem will get low again. That's what I experienced. That's why teams who are enthusiastic about a shared goal enjoy each others company. Sometimes family judge a lot though but they can also be the first ones to help you in an emergency so it's just a balance of how much information you release. At least that's what I experienced. Family also get tired of eachother so although I get hurt a lot I still love them somewhere in my heart. Those bonds can't be broken because societies are built on family. I can't speak for everyones case though.
 
P

PerpetuallyStuck

Guest
Sometimes you just gotta just do it and to hell with the consequences.
What I find useful is to not tell anyone and just do it
Yeah, it is a better idea, but still difficult because these people still have their long held beliefs of who I am and what I am or aren't capable of. The other problem is wanting to try things, but actually not having the right opportunity/nothing at all. Nothing ever seems to materialise, there is always a catch.
 
Top