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NEEDING ANY HELP/ ADVICE... PLEASE!

  • Thread starter UKTRAVELLINGLIFE
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UKTRAVELLINGLIFE

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
1
Location
London
Hi everyone. A friend of mine told me about this forum and I felt compelled to share. I have run out of resources in finding help and seeking advise regarding my brother as he is an adult and has to seek out help himself if he wants it. He refuses to.

My brother is 25. Has had no friends his whole life, finds it extremely hard to socialise and interact with people. Has absolutely no social skills. He was bullied in high school which has had a huge impact on his adult life where he always thinks people are staring at him or making fun of him. He can't stay in a job for more than 2 weeks as he cannot take direction and finds it hard to deal with being told what to do. My brother has been on medication for about 10 years now to stabilise his moods. My parents have taken him to many psychiatrists and therapy solutions to figure out what is actually wrong with him. They never quite get a conclusive diagnosis. We know he suffers with depression and anxiety and is on medication for this, my brother has absolutely no passion in life and has no interest in anything at all. He loves cars and can talk about cars all day but other than that has no will to do anything and is very lack lustre about everything. He finds it hard to hold a proper conversation and will usually reply with 1 word answers. My parents are scared to live with him as he has regular anger outbursts and is very hard to control him or calm him down when he is having an outburst and attacked my father multiple times. If my parents tone of voice or anything at all about my parents does not sit right with him, he will absolutely lose it. He has also never had a gf and finds it extremely hard to interact with the opposite sex and I know this is something that really upsets him.

Just today he lost his job that he started only 2 weeks ago for wanting to fight his co-worker for making a racist comment towards him. He has no sense of responsibility or remorse or consequences.

He is also a compulsive liar, not a very good one though. He lies so outrageously that it is obviously a lie yet he completely goes along with it and will continue adding to it. He also used to make the most elaborative lies about himself and life to random people. I used to think they were fantasies about the ideal life he wishes he had. Everytime my parents would pay for another therapist, he would completely lie about absolutely everything where some therapists would deem him completely sane and normal.

My parents do not know what to do anymore, they are scared that he will never leave home. never make any personal relationships with people. Never have a proper job, never marry or do anything with his life.

We really don't know what to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Hardknocks88

Hardknocks88

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2020
Messages
385
Location
Murrieta, CA
i would say he has to be willing to change himself, also to be more social you have to put yourself in more social situations. the main part is he has to be willing to change himself otherwise its all pointless.
 
G

Granny Peanut

Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2021
Messages
6
Location
UK
Poor lad. And poor you. This sounds extremely hard. His mood swings and aggression are no doubt because his life is difficult and often threatening to him, and so he responds with anger.

I wonder whether is on the autistic spectrum. There may obviously be other issues too. But the lack of empathy, difficulty in relationships and communication, and the acute interest in one special topic (cars) sounds like an autistic grouping.

But the fact that he is so interested in cars is helpful because it means there is at least a place to start, something you can talk to him about that is a positive context for him. And sometimes you can use talking about cars to touch on other subjects too.

If he is autistic, he would need particular kinds of approach to make him feel safe, and he might need structured support in learning how to manage person to person interactions more successfully.

But if he has never had that kind of diagnosis, or any support of that kind offered, it strikes me as odd.

If he is autistic, he can't change that. It's how his brain works. All he can do is learn how to function better in a world where other people's brains are working differently from his. It does not mean he's stupid.

The lying is extremely interesting. It suggests to me that he has a creative intelligence, and this may be one strategy he's learned to manage the world. Goodness knows what's going on. I feel for him and for you.

There are never easy answers. But clearly this is a horrible situation both for your parents and for him.

I do hope you're able to find some support that is not just medication.
 
T

toucan

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 26, 2021
Messages
56
Location
Chicago, IL
I agree that he sounds autistic, has he been evaluated for this? The one-word responses are a classic symptom in addition to the ones granny peanut mentioned. The anger outbursts could be sensory meltdowns. See if you can get him evaluated or re-evaluated for autism. Usually autistic people can't lie, but everyone is different.
 
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