- Aug 9, 2021
Hi. I´m 23 and I´ve been suffering from depression for like 4 years. Three years ago I started taking prozac, which didn´t really maked any difference and since then I´ve been switching medication (I´m on my 4th antidepressant) and now I´m on wellbutrin (started taking it maybe 4 months ago and is not getting any better). I feel like my depression is getting worse and worse and I´m probably at my lowest. I feel like completely useless, dropped college after 4 years and anything that one day gave me pleasure or motivation no longer does. I think the term for that is anhedonia but wtv. One of the things that makes me suffer the most is my relationship with my parents. I was always cold with them, never talked much, but it all evolved to a situation where I dont even call them "dad" or "mom", I just lay on my bed all day and I even talk to them like they are a piece of shit the few times that I even say something. Deep inside this breaks me because they work their ass off to pay every one of my "whims" and I gave nothing in return, not even a little empathy. I know this is super wrong, every night I go to sleep knowing that one day they won´t be here and I never in my life had the courage to say that I love them. I don´t know how to be kind to them and show my emotions. Years and years of reclusion and barely talking to them and now I´m ashamed to even call them let alone saying something kind. Please help me, I feel like talking to my mom about what I feel would make me feel better but I´m so fucking shy that I don´t even know how to talk to her. Yeah, that´s it, my life now is laying on bed all day doing nothing and talking to no one, not even my parents. I wish I had the courage to open up and tell I love them, because they do anything for me. I feel like an ungrateful piece of shit. Sorry for any flaw on my english and for the rant.