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Need urgent advice!!

M

madsheep

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2009
Messages
607
Location
Bedfordshire
''She didnt ring and she was supposed to. its left me feeling so lost. i dont feel like anyone is actually caring for me. I am really losing it. I keep getting the most horrific thoughts in my head. I really want to spend like a week on a psych ward. then someone will be around to help me through this really bad patch. I cant do this, i really cant. I was only just able to stop myself on monday before i went too far and i had the most horrible thoughts today. It was so real. My thoughts are racing and i just can slow down. i have been through every emoution i can think of todya. its horrible. i cant even type quieck enough. I really want some help. i know you try your best but i need profesional help. just a week. it would make me appreciate how much i enjoy being here. at the moment it feels like a prison and i am the one with the keys. but its like i am two poeple and i am constantly having a battle with myself. but nothing is real. nothing is real at al. a little while ago when i turned off the light i was staring at the flashing light on the computer thinking that it was actually an alien ship coming to take me away, and whn i realisd it wasnt i started to cry again. i know that sounds really weird bt that is how bad things are getting I was actually contemplating going too far with the SH, thats why i was shaiking so much. i thought about it and thought about it and it scared me so much that i was actualy scared of mysef and not even talking to someon msn helped. Graeme i really need help. i want help and i need it soon. i cant wait util i go see that useless woman. she is stupid and doesnt think that i am imoritant enough. mind you probalby no on will think that what i am experiencing is improtant enough. there is no hope for me. the darkness is closing in and i can just see muself being in the dark foreve. univserity is just in the future somehwrehe. andseeind as the fturure isnt real anymore i cant see how i am eve foing to get there. i cant stop thinking. i just want tosmething to stop me thinking.i cant even think straight anymore. please. plrease get some help. pleadei cant talk i try adn form words b ut i jut''

This is what I wrote on the screen to Graeme about an hour ago. This then followed by me trying to lock myself in the bathroom. Being talked back into the bedroom. only for me to go in a rage and refuse to speak to Graeme.

I have calmed down a bit now. But I really need someones advice. I still feel so desperate. Every now and then I burst into hysterical crying and it takes ages for me to stop. I know that if I went to a and e I would be seen by the crisis team, and then perhaps they would let me stay on a ward for a while. Everything in me is screaming no, but i really cant handle this anymore, adn graeme cant deal with my moods on his own. its not fair to hime. So go to a and e you say....

I have the most enormous fear of people. I have been diagnosed with social agoraphobia (as well as the BPD), meaning wherever there are strange people, i dont want to be.
I barely leave my house so I cant just leave my house and go to a and e. But I realy need help.
What should I do?? Please someone help! I am so confused and upset and I really dont know what to do. I feel so trapped.... here come the waterworks again..

(I really hope noone says just deal with the agoraphobia and go if your that desperate. :unsure::(:confused::cry::cry: )
 
messymoo

messymoo

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
11,595
Location
Under a rock
Hi madsheep sorry your going through such a tough time :hug: I know you don't feel up to going to A&E so I was thinking could the out of hours GP maybe do a home visit and refer you to the crisis team that way for an assessment to be done at home? I am just thinking there must be a way around the whole going to A&E if your not up to leaving the house. I really feel for you and I wish there was more I could do to help. I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you.
Take care of yourself
Messy x :grouphug:
 
iffybob

iffybob

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
4,858
Location
England
Hi...

Do they have a "home crisis team", in my area they have them at AnE, and a Home Crisis Team that visit you at your home...
 
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