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Need to understand my complex PTSD

R

RockyMountainsGirl

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May 1, 2021
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200
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Alberta, Canada
Unlike people with PTSD, I have complex-PTSD or C-PTSD.

I know that people with regular PTSD often are so afraid of re-experiencing their trauma that they don't want to talk about it.

I'm different, however, and I'm trying to understand why. I feel compelled to share my trauma as a way of venting it or trying to get it off my chest. I do feel relief from it this way, but I'd like to know why this is.

Does anyone else have this experience?
 
2

2Much2Feel

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Apr 24, 2021
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Unlike people with PTSD, I have complex-PTSD or C-PTSD.

I know that people with regular PTSD often are so afraid of re-experiencing their trauma that they don't want to talk about it.

I'm different, however, and I'm trying to understand why. I feel compelled to share my trauma as a way of venting it or trying to get it off my chest. I do feel relief from it this way, but I'd like to know why this is.

Does anyone else have this experience?
Do you feel like talking about trauma in the past has been validating and an overall positive experience? I'm just wondering if that could have anything to do with it, as I felt really judged and totally invalidated sharing previously, so no longer want to share at all (even though I know my therapist won't exactly react like my sister did...).
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

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Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
Yes, I think talking about this resulted in some but not much validation. I still feel screwed up about it, though. Therefore, I feel I need to share it with someone who can help me make sense of it. Too bad you were invalidated for sharing. That must have been awful.
 
2

2Much2Feel

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Yes, I think talking about this resulted in some but not much validation. I still feel screwed up about it, though. Therefore, I feel I need to share it with someone who can help me make sense of it. Too bad you were invalidated for sharing. That must have been awful.
Yes, lesson learned there. Don't know why I resort to family at times, when I basically know what will happen. I think it's awesome you will talk about it w your therapist. Mine said the same, that the nightmares won't stop until I "process" it and address it.
 
carlita

carlita

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Apr 29, 2021
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103
Location
virginia
Unlike people with PTSD, I have complex-PTSD or C-PTSD.

I know that people with regular PTSD often are so afraid of re-experiencing their trauma that they don't want to talk about it.

I'm different, however, and I'm trying to understand why. I feel compelled to share my trauma as a way of venting it or trying to get it off my chest. I do feel relief from it this way, but I'd like to know why this is.

Does anyone else have this experience?
I like understanding why too, but my trauma (still working to call it that) was long term exposure rather than a specific incident(s) so trying to look at it from an somewhat outside perspective makes me feel kind of like I'm missing a piece that I'm not trained to really figure out.

Unfortunately, I can't share my trauma online not even to my best friend. I wouldn't know what to share really because a lot of stuff I don't remember happening with my mother and those that I kinda remember (at least when it comes to emotions), I can't process it long enough to be a testimony to others.

I think it depends on the experience(s) you've had and other factors when it comes to that. I do want to know why for a couple of things, but I know for a few I can't do it alone (and figuring out if I should).

I get what you mean. I guess it just depends.
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

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May 1, 2021
Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
Yes, lesson learned there. Don't know why I resort to family at times, when I basically know what will happen. I think it's awesome you will talk about it w your therapist. Mine said the same, that the nightmares won't stop until I "process" it and address it.
Since your trauma is from bullying, I know it's difficult to share it with your family. Some parents always want their kids to feel okay or be okay, so they don't want to hear about the bullying.

Some parents don't care or don't want to be bothered by it. Some brothers and sisters think it's funny. The reaction we get from sharing our tales of woe with family is often negative, which is why we see therapists I suppose.

I'm sorry about your nightmares. I had them too for many, many years. I also had horrible insomnia (sleeplessness). Do you get enough sleep each night to feel rested?
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

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Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
I like understanding why too, but my trauma (still working to call it that) was long term exposure rather than a specific incident(s) so trying to look at it from an somewhat outside perspective makes me feel kind of like I'm missing a piece that I'm not trained to really figure out.

Unfortunately, I can't share my trauma online not even to my best friend. I wouldn't know what to share really because a lot of stuff I don't remember happening with my mother and those that I kinda remember (at least when it comes to emotions), I can't process it long enough to be a testimony to others.

I think it depends on the experience(s) you've had and other factors when it comes to that. I do want to know why for a couple of things, but I know for a few I can't do it alone (and figuring out if I should).

I get what you mean. I guess it just depends.
Thanks, Carlita, hope you can work out your trauma. It must have been hard going through it, just as my abuse/neglect was hard for me. Some people go through terrible things, so I can see why you can't share it with a friend. I know I can't share my trauma.

I tried sharing it with a 'friend' named Gina and she thought I was lying. I told her what my mom had done and she said, "But I met your mom, and your mom is nice!" She told me I was lying. What Gina didn't know is that people who are extremely cruel, who have maternal narcissism, can also be charismatic and pretend they are nice.

Even mass murderers have been nice to some people. Worth noting: I no longer see my family.
 
carlita

carlita

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virginia
Thanks, Carlita, hope you can work out your trauma. It must have been hard going through it, just as my abuse/neglect was hard for me. Some people go through terrible things, so I can see why you can't share it with a friend. I know I can't share my trauma.

I tried sharing it with a 'friend' named Gina and she thought I was lying. I told her what my mom had done and she said, "But I met your mom, and your mom is nice!" She told me I was lying. What Gina didn't know is that people who are extremely cruel, who have maternal narcissism, can also be charismatic and pretend they are nice.

Even mass murderers have been nice to some people. Worth noting: I no longer see my family.
Wow. Yeah. I've known my friend fir nrar 20 years. She told me once, "maybe you're making up things your mother did that didn't really happen." When I told her about mother. She has kids of her own now but she doesn't know how much that hurt.

But, yeah. I can see that. Outside looking in. It's good you found out being round your family doesn't quite help. Mother lives two hours from me. We talk once a month or so but last I'm not around her energy.

I hope your situation is better now than before?
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

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Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
I cry every day, get angry and offended easily, and feel really unstable, emotionally. I'm depressed and don't feel like getting anything done. I have no energy and don't sleep well. I feel as though I need to have someone, perhaps a counselor, offering support all the time.

When my medication worked, I avoided that because the meds kept my unstable emotions at bay, so I don't think I dealt with my complex-PTSD. Then I had to go off 70% of my meds because my memory became impaired.

I'd stopped going to counseling for a long time, but without the meds I don't function well. My C-PTSD is supposed to be like borderline personality disorder. It's so much so that I read a study that said the only difference is that with borderline you also fear abandonment. Guess what? I fear abandonment.
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
I cry every day, get angry and offended easily, and feel really unstable, emotionally. I'm depressed and don't feel like getting anything done. I have no energy and don't sleep well. I feel as though I need to have someone, perhaps a counselor, offering support all the time.

When my medication worked, I avoided that because the meds kept my unstable emotions at bay, so I don't think I dealt with my complex-PTSD. Then I had to go off 70% of my meds because my memory became impaired.

I'd stopped going to counseling for a long time, but without the meds I don't function well. My C-PTSD is supposed to be like borderline personality disorder. It's so much so that I read a study that said the only difference is that with borderline you also fear abandonment. Guess what? I fear abandonment.
My memory is improving. I'd had a head injury and the antipsychotics caused brain fog.
 
R

RockyMountainsGirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
200
Location
Alberta, Canada
Wow. Yeah. I've known my friend fir nrar 20 years. She told me once, "maybe you're making up things your mother did that didn't really happen." When I told her about mother. She has kids of her own now but she doesn't know how much that hurt.

But, yeah. I can see that. Outside looking in. It's good you found out being round your family doesn't quite help. Mother lives two hours from me. We talk once a month or so but last I'm not around her energy.

I hope your situation is better now than before?
Abusers of children hide their true selves and are even charismatic, kind, and sweet. Also, people who have wonderful, or even average, childhoods can't understand adults who've had horrific childhoods. They don't believe their stories and can't imagine that parents can hate, physically maim/assault and emotionally destroy their kids. Even my daughter can't believe that my mom was literally a monster who spanked me so hard it was tough to sit down. Yet my mom is the most religious person you'll ever meet, and she comes across as supportive. I hated her as a child, and hate her still.
 
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