• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Need to know if I've acted out of the norm for someone with anxiety and gone completely crazy!!!

B

Benbartlett

New member
Joined
Jan 27, 2017
Messages
1
Need to know if I've acted out of the norm for someone with anxiety and gone completely crazy!!!

to start im a 24 year old male and have been going through social anxiety since september 2015, i use to be very confident, fit and popular. i ended up developing my illness through drug use (i didnt use it much but started after losing my dad and overdosed once and things weren't the same) i stopped using drugs but devolped negative thoughts, i tried being social like i use to but felt different and that people thought i was acting weird. i showed improvement but i still wasnt i better for a while so i ended up cutting off a fair few people instead of close friends. in april last year a girl i use to sleep with text me after she broke up with her boyfriend she stopped speaking to me about 3 months prior to this for no apparent reason (we talked over time but she use to randomly stop speaking to me when i got close to her even though i was always nice and cared for her) she also lost a parent due to suicide so she needed someone i was careful of who i got close to but i was there for her and started to trust her. i ended up telling her about it all, how i thought people thought i was different and my confidence was gone she ensured me i was the same but to see a psych due to her seeing one and it helps.i took her advice and seen one, over time the intense anxiety started to go away though the therapy and it was only random occurrences it happened, the love and trust i devolved for this girl after that was immeasurable, i finally felt close to normal after so long! her sister confronted me and told me i should "go for her" so next time i seen her i told her i had feelings for her even though we hadn't even kissed for a good two years and promised to just be friends since then even though iv always had something special for her, she told me shes thought about it and to give her time due to it
only being 5 months since her bad breakup but im boyfriend materiel. the happiness i felt at the moment was amazing i hadn't felt that good since my overdose i didn't feel insecure anymore and felt like the worse was over!!! we continued as friends for a month but she started to back away slowly the daily calls stopped(she use to initiate all calls and text i never did first due to me just not being like that)
so after a few days no contact my insecurities came out due to irrational thoughts (she only seen a few anxiety attacks but not severe i wouldn't contact her during them) and i asked if we were okay to which she said yes but there was something up so i asked again after we had minimal contact the following week she said relax stop asking she needs some space (which i didn't understand due to me never being the one to contact her) so we didn't talk for a week and she spoke to me and things went back to normal for a little. i had a argument with a friend one night and got her to pick me up knowing she had work when we got back to hers we had a disagreement on the sleeping arrangements and she cracked it and told me she slept with someone 2 days prior. i walked off and went to the couch but had a full blown panic attack and ended up going for a walk, came back her house was locked so being drunk instead of knocking i crashed in her car, she came out few hours later cracking it and dropping me home. when i got home i sent a few messages saying sorry
but she told me she wants nothing to do with me. the next month i was fine but my best mate dad past and my attacks came back after another 2 weeks i gave up and had to contact her i sent her 8 messages over two weeks saying sorry but not reply, so one night i got drunk and called her a few times and on the 5th call she agreed to tell me why she gave up on me being that my insecurities are too high and i started acting weird and liking her too much. reason i bring this up is because i realized i had to give up on her so ive been feeling pretty depressed but slowly getting there, found out she was sleeping with a new dude so i stalked his facebook a little. just after new years i found out she showed people my essay long messages which regard my anxity and saying sorry(ive only ever told three friends about it) since then ive been so embarrassed about how i went about things and all my negative thoughts about how people percive me is back in full action. my attacks have never been worse i haven't been able to do anything socially bar two things since the new years of instead of work, my irrational thoughts have gotten so bad that i feel everyone thinks i have finally lost it, i also seen one of her new lovers friends pop up on the people you may know on facebook and thought i might be on his for stalking him so i ended up deactivating because i dont want people to think im weird, that's how bad my thoughts have got i cant even have facebook. im close to giving up, my mate got me out of the house 2 weeks ago to go book a trip to get away and i ran into her near flight centre and just put my head down and made things worse like i was following her, i went to a get together last week and just ended up leaving after two drinks because i felt intense anxiety and paronioa people think i am weird and know how i chased her so much (i use to stay and push through even after my od no matter how bad it got id go for a walk or something and come back but this time i just ran). so here i am going through intense irreational thoughts and server anxity and all i feel like i can do is blame myself and tell myself that i did act weird and maybe im crazy,so my question is it normal for these thoughts and anxiety to come back after losing someone you like so much? i cant get out of my head how much i messaged her to no reply (8 messages) and feel so embarrassed we both know all the same people so it makes it hard to think they dont know, i am going to go see another psych next week and start from zero, but the position im in now is worse than my overdose. havent been able to eat as well and have lost 7kg and stopped all forms of training so my confidence is just down hill and everything is getting worse. my biggest problem was always self confidence and peoples thoughts on me so my actions last two months i cant stop thinking about them!!!!! i don't feel like a normal person i over analyses everything again and fear the worse with my irrational thoughts. i am so embarrassed due to me getting clingy, iv never been clingy in my life and now all these negative thoughts have brought all the fear back that people finally see ive lost it. have i truly gone crazy or am i over reacting to this situation? sorry for the detailed message i refuse to tell anyone this i know personally and don't have time to wait for the psych next week, so i need peoples thoughts on my actions because right now, i cant do anything social and keep having to make shit excuses to my friends. iv giving up on her but cant move past the thoughts that i am weird and no one will ever accept me and its only a matter of time before i lose everyone :( have i really lost myself for good?
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,752
Location
Europe
Losing the old you is an opportunity to create a new you. Nothing is permanent in life, not even how we see ourselves, and sometimes we go through a phase of reinvention.

Maybe you'll find that some of the things you've dropped were things that needed to go. And perhaps some of the other things like the anxieties are a growth stage on the way to a new maturity.

I think you should think about where you are going - what are the things that cause your suffering? How to leave them behind? What kind of person would you like to be?

Anyway, 8 messages to send a girl is not a lot. Many guys send 20 or 30. And what about how other people think about you - perhaps try to learn not to care so much? Let go of a few of these internal things that make it seem so important.
 
Last edited:
A

arwen

Guest
Hello. Please don't beat yourself up about all of this. I know that is so much easier said than done but the one thing I can tell you is we all have our moments when we just 'lose it'.

I had a similar experience. I started a friendship with a man who was a few years younger than me and who I thought was the best thing since sliced bread. I ended our friendship because I was developing strong feelings for him and I told him. He said ok and acted like it didn't mean anything. I was then hurt and angry...thinking why was he spending so much time chatting to me etc if I was nothing to him.
I also saw a picture of him with a new girl...it broke my heart. i thought they were together and thought why did he lie and tell me he didn't want a relationship with anyone then and go be with this other woman.
I lost it. Messaged him, followed his facebook followed her facebook etc. I shouldn't have but I did. Many people do actually just a lot won't admit it.

Anyway the whole thing blew up out of all proportions (too long a story for now) and I really was just so bloody angry at myself. I eventually wrote him a letter apologised, told him I was in love and that I wished him luck.
It is only recently I told my psych about it. I said I was irrational and heartbroken after such a short while I was silly and foolish. He said...why did you hurt so much and I said because he was to me one of the most lovely people I'd met. The psych said that I had basically considered myself unworthy of this persons affection. That I had felt stupid for falling in love...he said if it felt real it was real. The biggest problem was my lack of confidence (still have major hangups) and that I was scared of not being good enough. The real issue was with me. However this guy responded for me to have questioned myself so much...to have allowed myself to believe that people are too good for me or the I have no chance was not healthy.

So I would say maybe try to examine how you feel about yourself. Please don't beat yourself up...I do know just how embarrassing and humiliating it can be to think that people may see you in a certain light because of this incident but it doesn't matter. people who know you will know what you are really like. I hope you feel better soon. I know how much it can eat away at you.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Hi,

first of all I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly. It sucks, and sharing what you've shared is brave and honest and also a good first step.

second of all I'd like to suggest you find some Other Support. This Girl is not it.

If you were thinking clearly, you'd probably see that. She's not your friend, on any level but you are still emotionally attached to her.

Please find someone else to talk to, you don't need a Restraining Order slapped on your record, you need to keep away from her.

If you keep away from her, your brain will clear. Think of her as an addiction, while you're still addicted you cant think straight. Once you quit, you can.

So that would be the very first step I would advise for you.

Find some decent Mental Health Support. Its out there, I wouldn't still be alive typing this if I hadn't had it, we've all walked in those horrible shoes of isolation rejection and desperation and most of us here have had to seek outside support to be able to think for us, or at least help us think more clearly.

In short, you need to talk to someone, and view this girl as Just Another Drug you are trying to use to make you feel better.

But you cant do that with other people, as you've found out, it just destroys things. :(

I feel badly for you, I hope you can find some outside support.

Also, try running. It sounds insane but lacing up your shoes and going for a run is The Best Drug There Is. And its free, and healthy.

best
BDU
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
M extreme fear of talking about myself - need help Social Anxiety Forum 5
C I need some advice Social Anxiety Forum 1
L I need your support Social Anxiety Forum 23
D What can I do if I need a haircut but I am too scared to leave the house Social Anxiety Forum 13
D Is it bad for me to obsess over improving how I sound and how I act in social situations or do I need to stop overthinking so much? Social Anxiety Forum 9
L I need a job, but my anxiety won't let me Social Anxiety Forum 4
FutureCrazyCatLady I need someone in my corner. Social Anxiety Forum 2
R I'm gay and I feel like I need approval/acceptance from straight men Social Anxiety Forum 6
E I need help. Social Anxiety Forum 2
M Need a friend or two Social Anxiety Forum 15
S Social Anxiety in my twenties. Need some help and tips Social Anxiety Forum 4
S Extreme anxiety of talking about myself - need urgent help Social Anxiety Forum 21
G In Serious Need of a Job Social Anxiety Forum 3
G Need help with difficult social situation Social Anxiety Forum 1
G A very serious problem need help Social Anxiety Forum 5
H Need advice please help Social Anxiety Forum 3
A Nothing too serious, just need advice. Social Anxiety Forum 3
E Need help to overcome this Social Anxiety Forum 1
M Need some help/advice for my anxiety Social Anxiety Forum 1
N I need an advice Social Anxiety Forum 8
blacksmoke just need to rant Social Anxiety Forum 89
S Even introverts need love Social Anxiety Forum 1
J in need of some friends Social Anxiety Forum 3
S Anxiety/Depression. Need advice. Social Anxiety Forum 1
A What you need to be free of anxiety. Social Anxiety Forum 39
N I need to go out Social Anxiety Forum 2
A Advice on what to do if you thought you didn't need a psychiatrist any longer Social Anxiety Forum 5
S My story. Need some advice. Social Anxiety Forum 2
D think ive lost my mind, need advice Social Anxiety Forum 3

Similar threads

Top