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Need to help my husband but feel so helpless

P

Pops223

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Manchester
Hi, new to this forum. Never posted about anything like this at all but I need some help and have no idea what to do.
I’ve been with my husband for 23 years. He’s always been a bit up and down with his moods but nothing that has ever affected us, we just ride them out and then things get back to normal. About a year ago, he got very depressed for about a week and even drove a few hours from home with the intention of killing himself. Thankfully he didn’t and he came home and spoke to me about it.
for the past three weeks, he hasn’t been himself at all, very vert distant from me and even took to sleeping in his van in our garage. It got to the point where I told him if he didn’t want to be here anymore to just go. He did. 1 October he came back and told me he wanted to be on his own, and that no one needed him, our kids are grown up and don’t need him(they are 17 and 18, the 17 year old is autistic and 100% needs him) he kept saying I didn’t need him to which I told
Him to stop telling me what I need, I need him in every sense of the word. Nothing I said was sinking in. He didn’t even look like my husband anymore, it was like he was a different person. His eyes, I can’t explain it, were just gone. He did say he loved me which gave me a bit of hope but that was 4 days ago now
He is living in his van, he hasn’t come home for any clothes or possessions, nothing.
I want him home so badly.
He won’t go and get help as he says they will only tell him what he already knows.
When he came to tell me he wanted to be alone he sat and said to me ‘what is wrong with me, I can’t show emotion I’m not normal’
Anyone have experience with this-is it depression or some kind of breakdown?
Thanks for reading
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,941
Location
Glasgow
Hi, new to this forum. Never posted about anything like this at all but I need some help and have no idea what to do.
I’ve been with my husband for 23 years. He’s always been a bit up and down with his moods but nothing that has ever affected us, we just ride them out and then things get back to normal. About a year ago, he got very depressed for about a week and even drove a few hours from home with the intention of killing himself. Thankfully he didn’t and he came home and spoke to me about it.
for the past three weeks, he hasn’t been himself at all, very vert distant from me and even took to sleeping in his van in our garage. It got to the point where I told him if he didn’t want to be here anymore to just go. He did. 1 October he came back and told me he wanted to be on his own, and that no one needed him, our kids are grown up and don’t need him(they are 17 and 18, the 17 year old is autistic and 100% needs him) he kept saying I didn’t need him to which I told
Him to stop telling me what I need, I need him in every sense of the word. Nothing I said was sinking in. He didn’t even look like my husband anymore, it was like he was a different person. His eyes, I can’t explain it, were just gone. He did say he loved me which gave me a bit of hope but that was 4 days ago now
He is living in his van, he hasn’t come home for any clothes or possessions, nothing.
I want him home so badly.
He won’t go and get help as he says they will only tell him what he already knows.
When he came to tell me he wanted to be alone he sat and said to me ‘what is wrong with me, I can’t show emotion I’m not normal’
Anyone have experience with this-is it depression or some kind of breakdown?
Thanks for reading
Something must have started those feelings. He needs help but he needs to be reminded of his kids needing him more than anything. My mum did the unthinkable and 30 years later ive still not reall got over it.
 
P

Pops223

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Manchester
Something must have started those feelings. He needs help but he needs to be reminded of his kids needing him more than anything. My mum did the unthinkable and 30 years later ive still not reall got over it.
im so sorry about your mum.
I know something must have set it off. I honestly don’t know what. I’ve done nothing but sit and think what happened, did I do so thing or say something I’ve not realised did something, but I honestly didn’t. We had had such a loverly weekend together and then boom it was like a switch. He shut down on me completely
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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Messages
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Location
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im so sorry about your mum.
I know something must have set it off. I honestly don’t know what. I’ve done nothing but sit and think what happened, did I do so thing or say something I’ve not realised did something, but I honestly didn’t. We had had such a loverly weekend together and then boom it was like a switch. He shut down on me completely
Dont blame your self there is something in him that has started it. Could be bad memories or experiences as a kid. Or any number of things. Or just a new ilness. He needs help but and he definitely needs to realise his kids need him
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,095
Location
Nashua NH
Hi Lisa and welcome to the forums. I’m not sure if this would be a good idea because the process can be fairly traumatic and have a negative effect on your relationship but usually if a person is suicidal the police can become involved to get them involuntarily committed. This way your husband could get the psychiatric help he needs but is refusing. I might call a crisis line to tell them about the situation and learn about options in your area. It would be good to have people to support you who are available to meet with you locally and possibly try to talk with your husband. I hope your family is able to get the help you need to get through this. xo, j
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
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Messages
3,941
Location
Glasgow
Hi Lisa and welcome to the forums. I’m not sure if this would be a good idea because the process can be fairly traumatic and have a negative effect on your relationship but usually if a person is suicidal the police can become involved to get them involuntarily committed. This way your husband could get the psychiatric help he needs but is refusing. I might call a crisis line to tell them about the situation and learn about options in your area. It would be good to have people to support you who are available to meet with you locally and possibly try to talk with your husband. I hope your family is able to get the help you need to get through this. xo, j
A womans touch is def need there xx
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Messages
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Location
Sheffield
I'm sorry to hear about your husband, I hope things improve for him soon.

We have a few pages here that may be of some help.


I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone but emotional numbness is something we usually associate with depression or a side effect of various medications.

I wish you and your family all the best.
 
P

Pops223

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Manchester
I know and I’ve told him. He knows the lads love him so much and will always need him. Nothing I said was sinking in, it was like talking to a stranger it was awful. I told him l love him and will always want and need him, so will his boys. i just hope it sinks in and he gets better and comes home
I'm sorry to hear about your husband, I hope things improve for him soon.

We have a few pages here that may be of some help.


I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone but emotional numbness is something we usually associate with depression or a side effect of various medications.

I wish you and your family all the best.
 
P

Pops223

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Manchester
I know and I’ve told him. He knows the lads love him so much and will always need him. Nothing I said was sinking in, it was like talking to a stranger it was awful. I told him l love him and will always want and need him, so will his boys. i just hope it sinks in and he gets better and comes home
I know and I’ve told him. He knows the lads love him so much and will always need him. Nothing I said was sinking in, it was like talking to a stranger it was awful. I told him l love him and will always want and need him, so will his boys. i just hope it sinks in and he gets better and comes home
thank you everyone,
He still hasn’t come home.
he isn’t on any medication at all so I can’t blame it on that, I am just trying to give him some space. I have purposely not text him much so he doesn’t feel mithered but I did text earlier and I now wish I hadn’t as he replied telling me I was piling the pressure on. That’s the last thing I wanted to do so hate myself now for making him feel that way.
I want him home so badly I feel like I am now the one crumbling
 
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