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Need some motivation!

F

fatgirlslim77

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Apr 20, 2008
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31
Hello all,

I've been feeling down for a long time. The main thing for me has been so lethargic all the time; no get up and go; poor self esteem which in turn makes me feel paranoid and anxious and I have this sinking feeling.

Finally went to see my GP today. I found the entire process quite distressing. I understand that time is precious and he wanted to get straight to the point but I didn't feel like I had the time to say everything I wanted to, I had written a few things down but didnt get the chance to even open it.

As soon as I said I had been feeling low he started firing a series of questions, which I think was some sort of depression test. In the last 2 weeks have you felt like this most of the time, some of the time...... etc etc. He got frustrated when I couldnt give him a prompt answer but it wasnt that straight forward for me.

Anyway he then asked me if I wanted counselling. I explained that I have had this before, but he interrupted and said 'you are depressed, not just a little bit but a lot' and said that there were 2 options, medication and counselling. The medication without the counselling would not be good thing as I could not be monitored. I was given an appointment for counselling but not offered any medication?

Anyway, I told my friend who is convinced that I have a thyroid problem. Told me to demand a blood test and told me to cheer up when she first saw me knowing what had been said. I agree that I do seem to meet many of the symptoms she described from an article about thyroid problems, but equally they could all be a sign of depression.

She thinks that GPs too readily diagnose depression as the easy option.

I dont really know how to feel or what to do. I feel confused and silly. What do I say to the counsellor when I dont even know myself whats wrong with me? Should I ask for a blood test to eliminate thyroid problems?

Why cant I just deal with this by myself. I wish I hadnt said anything to anyone now. Its just made me feel even more stupid and angry with myself.

Sorry for going on. I just want to find my get up and go and take control of my life. If I could muster up some energy then I could deal with this myself. What can I do?
 
blackdog

blackdog

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Hi, it sounds as if you've got a lot going on in your mind at the moment. Perhaps you need to ask about a blood test to eliminate the possibility of a thyroid problem and then take things from there. Perhaps it would be worth discussing this with your councellor. Good luck, just take small steps and tackle one problem at a time.:)
 
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Dollit

Guest
FGS - I also have a thyroid problem at the moment and whilst it's not going to stop my bipolarity it doesn't help it. So ask for it to be ruled out. Ask them to do TSH and antibodies. TSH alone won't define the problem it will just show whether the thyroid is operating within the accepted range.

The fact that your doctor has offered counselling first is good - he's trying to help you get well without medication. And the questions though they seemed dispassionate actually get to a diagnosis more quickly.

Remember that this is just the beginning of a process and your counsellor will talk to you and you can set a target and go on from there. Try and get out for a walk each day, you don't have to go far but it does help. :hug:
 
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fatgirlslim77

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Apr 20, 2008
Messages
31
Hi guys thanks for your replies. I feel silly because it felt like my friend was suggesting that it was something more simple and it made me feel like I was perhaps blowing things out of proportion. Because I cant explain why I am feeling low, it feels as if I am being told to pull myself together and I often think people think I am just being lazy and wallowing, which really hurts and makes me angry. I have actually had this said to me which is why I have probably left it so long to seek help.

I am just really sensitive though, and perhaps am just reading too much into it. I dont care what the cause is I just want it to go away.

I was just confused when the GP said that the counselling would act as a monitor of how the medication was working, but then didnt give me any. I will go along with whatever he suggests, he is after all the expert.

Dollit, I do walk, everyday for at least an hour. I am trying to eat better foods and take time out for me. My work is very stressful and emotionally draining so I now force myself.

Thank you all so much. I am sorry for my rant earlier. I just felt really misunderstood. I have calmed down now. I will just go with the GPs advice and see what happens.

Thanks
 
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Dollit

Guest
Don't apologise, we all need to vent from time to time and at least here people know how we feel. It's safe here, really safe. And you can't pull yourself together because if that's all it took then the whole world would be well. :hug:
 
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fatgirlslim77

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Apr 20, 2008
Messages
31
Thank you.

I dont feel as silly now. I have decided after a cup of tea, a few cigarettes AND NO ALCOHOL today that I have made the first step, Ive acknoweldged that I need to do soemthing, I am now doing something, it may or may not work for me but at least I am moving in the right direction, one step at a time.

I am not sure if I have worked out the smileys correctly but imagine one with a semi grin and semi yawn!

Night :):sleep:
 
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Dollit

Guest
That's the stuff. We can only go at our own pace and you'll find yours. I love this forum and I really think it's one of the reasons why I'm doing quite well at the moment. I've made real friends here and get a lot of support from them. I'm glad you got here. :hug:
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Hello FGS and :welcome: to this wonderful forum.

Please don't feel silly for feeling as you do, and please feel free to say what you need or want to say here. As Dollit says, this is a safe place where people will not judge you. Remember that the long road of recovery, albeit from depression or even a physical ailment, is made up of one step at a time.

It sounds like you are taking steps, well done you! :hug::flowers:
 
nickh

nickh

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hi fgs and :welcome:.

You have done really well going and seeing your GP, and I would encourage you to take up the counselling. It is also a good idea to get the blood tests as Dollit has described.

It is worth saying though - and its another of those things I say a lot - is that the big D is a very physical illness. More for some than others - we are all different - but I am one who is at the 'more' end of the spectrum. The first signs of an attack coming on will always be physical - loss of energy, weakness etc. etc.. So while it may be that their is another cause for your symptoms they are also perfectly consistent with depression.

Anyway let us know how you get on and keep coming here to vent :).

Nick.
 
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fatgirlslim77

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Apr 20, 2008
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Hi Guys,

I have my first counselling session tomorrow. I am quite nervous. When I have had counselling before, there has usually been a trigger of some sort, so I have had a clear idea in my mind about what I need to deal with, some control I suppose. But this time round its just been that dark cloud spreading slowly but surely and I have no idea how or why it came about.

I suppose that I am scared of what I will uncover. I have a way of putting things that I dont want to deal with to the back of my mind and well they just creep up on me when I least expect it. Like when mum died, it took almost 3 years before I truly started to grieve.

I know I have alot of unresolved, difficult things that are lerking, but I dont know if I have the strength to deal with them just now.

Anyway, I have made a promise to myself that I will be open minded tomorrow and will start trying to take those all important steps.

I just wanted to say a big thank you to you all again though. It has been so comforting to know that I have somewhere to come and talk without feeling judged and criticised, god knows I criticise myself enough.

This forum is such a wonderful place.

:hug:
 
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Dollit

Guest
Go in and expect nothing and that way you're more likely to get what you need. Sometimes expectations drive us to impossible lengths to find things that aren't there. You'll be fine.
 
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fatgirlslim77

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Hi Nick,

Thanks for asking. Its difficult to describe really. It all seemed very formal. No introductions. I was asked what I wanted....I dont really know, I just want it all to go away. I was really tearful and only just holding it together yesterday, but when I walked in, its like the emotional barrier just came up. It didnt help that we were interrupted by phone calls, not to me.

Its difficult because I just dont know why I feel so sad. He delved a little into my past. The things that came out were things that I have already dealt with. He was trying to identify what might be causing me to feel the way I am but was struggling.We only had around 25 mins though.

He indicated that he felt that I would benefit from anti-depressants rather than talking therapies. He explained that GP protocol is to offer counselling when it isnt always appropriate.

He has offered me a further session next month. I am not sure if he intends to speak to my GP about prescribing me something. So in the meantime I am just trying to hang on. Keeping very busy at work, but thats about all I can manange. By the time I get home I just want to sleep. It feels like I am dragging a sack of spuds around with me all day, its all such an effort and I am just so tired. But I will keep trying.

Thanks

:unsure:
 
nickh

nickh

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I am sorry that is was so unhelpful fgs - the fact that it was interrupted by phone calls is disgraceful ; that just shouldn't happen. Frankly it sounds to me that unfortunately you have not been very lucky with the counsellor assigned to you. Do you know what their exact title or qualifications were?

Anyway my advice would be to go back to your GP and ask what the next step is. Maybe it would be worth trying some medication. But don't give up on all talking therapies because of one bad experience. I think most of us long-term lags here would say that it took a number of goes to find the right counsellor/therapist/psychologist/psycho-therapist/clinical psychologist/psychiatrist/analyst for us (I have used the long list to try and show just how many different types of talking therapy there are :)). I have said before you are a very, very lucky person if you get the right one for you first time around. But when you do find the right one it can make an enormous difference.

Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

Nick.
 
F

fatgirlslim77

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Apr 20, 2008
Messages
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Hi Nick,

Thanks again. To be fair, the call was from reception to let him know that he missed the client before me!!! Which didnt exactly instill confidence but he couldnt help them ringing him.

I am not giving up on all talking therapies, the problem is I dont know what to talk about and he seemed a bit stuck on what to ask. I explained that I had had counselling previously and found that it really helped me through a bad patch. He suggested that seeing as I had already had a 'good bash at talking therapies', perhaps I should try anti depressants.

I dont really feel that I could build a rapport with him, I know that seems harsh, but its just my gut feeling, although I will go back with an open mind.

My plan is to see him for the next appointment, see how it goes and if I still feel that it's unhelpful then I will ask him to speak to my GP about alternatives. I really cant afford private therapy at the moment, I know that money shouldnt be a factor but it just is.

Anyway, I will stop waffling now! Thanks for your time.
 
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