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Need some insight and opinions on how to deal w/ someone w/ depression

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sarahbron

New member
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
1
To kind of give some insight on the current situation, I met a guy the same day he attempted suicide. We became very good friends and after a few months became a lot more serious. Of course, he was one of those people who didn't want to bring me down with him as he said and cut communication for about 2 months. Finally, he texted me after some time and we got even closer but never defined the relationship. As of today we no longer talk. It was a complete shock. There were no warning signs or anything, we were having a great conversation and then hours later he gave me some excuse that there was another girl. This might be the case however from the previous conversations we were having that same day I did not believe that to be. This post is not to get advice on my relationship, but to understand if maybe this is a side effect of depression. Like is this possibly the same situation as it was months ago when we weren't communicating? Of course, I've heard the "he's just a bad guy" "he doesn't care about you" etc. and I think at the end of the day I'm ok with him just being a bad guy, I just don't want to give up on him if he's still going through stuff.

I also want to add that I have absolutely no experience with depression but the state he was in when I met him and the attempt on his life led me to believe he was severely depressed. He got help a few months after that and now says he's 100% better and feels great. Again that might be the case but in my opinion (which is probably inaccurate) for him to have been as bad as he was, I don't see how in such a short time he could be completely better.
He posts a lot of stuff about suicide awareness and depression especially recently so I just don't know what is going on.

We are also friends on all of our social media still but he won't open my text messages.
 
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fightingdep

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2019
Messages
32
Location
Japan
Hi sarahbron, I'm new here too. I have depression but I'm not suicidal kind of depressed. But besides this I have all kind of symptoms of depression. It really sucks. Like I know one day it will get better but I'm waiting in hell currently, don't know how long this gonna take. Can't really tell you how to deal with it and I know you and him are still not in that kind of relationship but I can share how my boyfriend deal with me.

He asks me how I feel. Not with a serious manner but something like, do you feel sad right now, or, are you feeling down, how are you feeling today etc. And I answer it and he will ask why, what's wrong. Usually I don't feel like talking about it but he keep guessing. Like, is it the thing you mentioned yesterday? or , your research didn't go well? And usually I will answer it simple or just a nod. He will help me to analyse what i'm going through. Like, why do you think that it is impossible? well if it's the case you can try______. It's like he is untangling my 'mess of tangled strings' because depressed ppl tend to overthink problems and make it worse in our mind. It helps me rethink how I think and handle about my problem. He always do it in a caring manner, without any judgement in it. I don't know if this method suits other ppl but it did help me. Maybe some ppl really don't like being questioned like that.:(

Sometimes he make simple plans for me to look forward to. Like, how about a movie night today? or, wanna eat a buffet today? or, Let's go to the mall this weekend. Things I used to enjoy a lot but I quit doing it when the depression gets worse. Most of the time I look forward to it, not like being excited for it but like, I'm going to do something different tonight(instead of going home and face my depression like usual). It fills in some of the emptiness I felt.

Sometimes I'll tell him I don't want to do anything today or, I cant get up from bed. Sometimes he would say then just rest, take your time, do what you want today. But if I do this a lot lately, he would remind me the consequences of being absent I school for too long. Sometimes in a joking manner. And then I would get up and try my best to do what I need to do.

What he was doing is like, rearranging my life for me, helping me get back on tracks, a little bit a day. I still get lost sometimes, but knowing that someone is willing to go through this with me makes me feel I can do it.I guess letting him know that you are supporting him no matter how is important. I suggest don't rush things and not always discuss it in serious manner.

I also do my best not to bring him down. He of course sometimes affected by my depression. This makes me want try my best to get better, for me and him. Like how I google for depression forum and joined it.

I'm grateful that you want to help someone who is severely depressed. We appreciate ppl like you so much. Just first let him know that you going to support him. Try not to give pressure if he didn't reply.

Don't know if this helps. If it doesn't, just know that im happy meet a kind person like you and you are doing great.
 
starrynite

starrynite

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
86
Location
N.E. U. S.
So sorry about your friend. I commend you for your concern and wanting to help.
Yes depression can cause irrational thoughts and make you believe things that aren't really true. I found this book to be very helpful when dealing with someone who is depressed.- "When Someone You Love Suffers from Depression or Mental Illness" by Cecil Murphy.
Sometimes, though, the hardest part is their denial and unwillingness to seek help. It's a little like an alcoholic. You can drag them to rehab a dozen times, but they will never get well until they are willing to do the work to get healthy.
 
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