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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Need some help and advice

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crbt

New member
Joined
Mar 10, 2020
Messages
2
Location
UK
Hello everyone,

New to the forum. Need to talk to someone.

So, what's the issue..

Recently, I was looking through Facebook and came across a bloke I was in school with. For a while, I thought he was my friend during my school years. When it came to secondary school, he and another 'friend' from school began bullying me. They kept saying it was banter. Because I loved Star Wars, they ridiculed me for it. Because I was useless in school with getting a girlfriend, they called me gay. They would tell lies about me, to make me look bad and maintain their status as cool kids of the school. I felt betrayed. They belittked me for a whole year, until I had to talk to my teacher. They never bothered me again. I was proud and still am that throughout the ordeal, they never broke my spirit. I was strong until the day I realised I don't deserve this crap.

It was dwelling on my mind a few days after browsing Facebook, but ultimately moved on. I decided to forgive and forget. A little while now, all the horrible things they said and calling me gay have almost been stamped in my memory. It's dragging me down and it's becoming an every day thing, some days better than others. I hear their nasty words loud and clear.

Now, before you say anything, I am not gay. I am 100% certain of it. I have never nor do I have any interest in having a relationship with a man. No disrespect to gay people, but that's not me. No issue whatever with it, love is love at the end of the day. But since school, all my relationships have been with women and that is that.

But being a 24 single man who is lonely and not got many friends anymore because we're all so far spread out across the UK, I am always alone. And their voices are tormenting me. I know I am not gay and I have always considered myself a real gent with ladies. I'm not meeting anyone at the moment because I have no social life (no mates obviously). I feel like that year in school is being relived all over again. I wonder how those 2 individuals sleep well at night.

Thoughts anyone? Blimey, I talk a lot...
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
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Jan 5, 2011
Messages
57,037
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Lancashire
Hello crbt and :welcome: to the forum. Its crippling when we are bullied and you will find quite a few people on here can relate to that. I was bullied at school and whilst its effects have gone away now (I am 63), for years I suffered as a result of it.

Have you any means of meeting other people? It could be that you need to find an interest and see if you can distract from these thoughts that way. These are intrusive thoughts and they can plague us all. You might like to think about Mindfulness too which can help. We have a very brief intro here but it needs you to look more into it to make it work properly.

 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,389
Location
London, ON
PEople who haven't dealt with bullying or harassment simply don't understand the damage lasts years after teh events themselves have ended.

It's teh second guessing, wondering if they were actually right about you, rather than knowing they were just picking something that bothers everybody. Nobody likes being told they are something they aren't.

and when we are lonely, we second guess ourselves a lot. We overthink things.

Your issue could be as much trying to understand why those buddies kind of turned against you as much as what they were trash talking you with.
 
V

Vee

Member
Joined
Mar 10, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Montreal
This happened to me last week! I stumbled upon the Facebook profile of one of my past tormenters. After one of my suicide attempts, he told me not to miss next time and that if I needed help, he would be happy to provide it.

I have no animosity towards him. Now I realize that he most likely had a violent upbringing. A lot of bullies are victims that turned to regain a sense of control. I know this because it's exactly how I reacted to being bullied. I became a bully.

Now that I am a chill adult, I can honestly say that I am tormented by the way I have treated others. I wish I could apologize but I am very scared. I recognize the suffering I've caused and if I could take it back, I would.
 
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