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Dwig

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
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1
Location
London
Hi,

I am in my late 20s and I have thought about killing myself several times in the past 2 weeks and it won't stop. I have communicated this to my partner, the suicide hotline and others but there does not seem to be any way out. I have recently come to the conclusion that my future is ruined. I am estranged from my family, however I was lucky enough to be taken in by my partner's family. They're very poor so life has been all grind (not that it was not before). I thought that my life would turn around if I got a masters degree, a good job and then maybe I would be able to live my life independently. That doesn't look like it is going to happen for the next 10 years (if that). That masters is useless for what I want to do, as the estrangement and other issues combined with my own stupidity have left me with grades that are lacking. I cannot use it for what it was intended and I am doomed to an office position I hate, unable to save, unable to travel when Covid lifts, unable to see friends, unable to keep up with friends or achieve anything I'll ever be proud of.

I do not want kids and my partner is already talking about them. I have not had the chance to live on my own or live a normal life in my 20s. I had a girlfriend who tried to blackmail me, who in turn became addicted to heroin and nearly bankrupted me. I had friends I would see every day, but as I've hinted at they're all around the place doing what they love, going on holiday, travelling to new countries to do interesting things. I am here, stuck and reading what my prospects are. Every time I do I just feel that I am a failure. Some people say I am not, but they mean it in the sense that I am a good person? Or something? It's not exactly clear. The point is everyone seems to think that I should be grateful for having a future that is unremarkable to me. Boring. No excitement, nothing to look forward to, no one to help me reach my potential.

No one has ever actually given me any advice. I've figured out everything on my own. I learned to fight, pick up girls, research, write, shave and a whole host of other things on my own. I've never had someone tell me I'm worth something and that I could do great things, just that I am a good person. What is that worth? What exactly am I supposed to with that? Will that pay the bills? Will that give me access to a good life? If the choice is between living a great life or nothing at all, I see no reason to not take the latter. Am I being unreasonable? Is there anyone that can help me?

Thanks,

Dwig.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,637
Location
Sheffield
I have thought about killing myself several times in the past 2 weeks
In regards to your suicidal thoughts it may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.

Apart from the above which I'm obligated to post whenever someone states they've considered suicide I don't know what to say. I'm sorry you're dissatisfied with life, you ask for help but can you say what help might look like to you?
 

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