• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

need help with SO who is bipolar

S

SillySally

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
6
Location
US
if this is the wrong place to ask for advice let me know and I can look elsewhere. We are having some issues with his alcoholism, and impulsive behaviors. he specifically has one where he buys porn from women in IRL. technically it's their job to sell it (bikini baristas) but its been going on forever and he wont stop even though we have been together forever. and he knows it makes me uncomfortable. He takes meds every single day but he also drinks alcohol every day as well. Everyone says you are absolutely not supposed to do that and I wonder if it just makes his impulse control ever harder.
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
4,833
@SillySally, I don't have bi-polar but I am on anti-psychotics for Schizophrenia and when I drank a lot it definitely stopped the meds from working properly, every psych unit admission I ever had after the first one was associated with excess alcohol interfering with meds. Sorry I can't be more help. :(.
 
S

SillySally

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
6
Location
US
@SillySally, I don't have bi-polar but I am on anti-psychotics for Schizophrenia and when I drank a lot it definitely stopped the meds from working properly, every psych unit admission I ever had after the first one was associated with excess alcohol interfering with meds. Sorry I can't be more help. :(.
thank you. i appreciate any info.
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
4,833
thank you. i appreciate any info.
If he's drinking every day excessively he may be dependant and probably won't stop until he realises it's an addiction, I have a former drinking buddy who holds down a fairly responsible job and spends all his time when he's not working drinking massive amounts and doesn't think he has a problem because he goes to work and pays his taxes. Most addicts don't stop until they bottom out, I had an ex girlfriend who almost ended up in jail on an assault charge while drunk whose an alcoholic it didn't stop her and the only reason she didn't end up in prison was because of a liberal judge and her MH issues.
 
S

SillySally

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
6
Location
US
If he's drinking every day excessively he may be dependant and probably won't stop until he realises it's an addiction, I have a former drinking buddy who holds down a fairly responsible job and spends all his time when he's not working drinking massive amounts and doesn't think he has a problem because he goes to work and pays his taxes. Most addicts don't stop until they bottom out, I had an ex girlfriend who almost ended up in jail on an assault charge while drunk whose an alcoholic it didn't stop her and the only reason she didn't end up in prison was because of a liberal judge and her MH issues.

well he's very aware it is an addiction and drives trashed as well. i've told him many times as he already knows how selfish that is. apparently he is giong to try to quit smoking and drinking because his doctor told him he needs to. i dont even know anymore.
 
Ghost_Owl

Ghost_Owl

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
May 13, 2017
Messages
839
Location
U.K
You are in a very difficult position.

Taking meds every day is pointless if also using alcohol. Many mood stabilisers are offset by alcohol. It is the equivalent of being a diabetic, reliant on insulin and eating a lot of cake. It does not matter you are using insulin everyday at that point. You are still going to end up with dangerously high blood sugars, risk going blind and have worsening foot issues. As it offsets the gains of using the insulin in the first place.

Your partner is basically doing the same. The only difference is, Mood stabilisers build up in a person's system. If you get used to them while simultaneously gaining no benefit that does not stop the mania. You shut the door on what can help in future. Limiting your options. Alcohol is known to push both extreme states to even greater extremes. Every mania also damages the person having it, pretty much burns the brain in a way, and potentially lowers the threshold for another episode occurring.

The issue of Bipolar though also likely feeds into the lack of self control with alcohol. It is a very vicious cycle. You have to safely get them to stop drinking. The question then becomes why do they drink? There is the addictive element but there is another element usually. What does he gain from drinking? Is it to slow racing thoughts? Is it a habit that has been used a long time when dealing with stress or difficult feelings? That side really has to be looked into. Just saying it is addiction does not cover the psychological side of addiction. It is harder to defeat chemical addiction when you have psychological drivers also supporting the chemical addiction. Harder still if external habit reinforces it further.

Has he done any work on that side of things? Does he really want to stop or is he trying to appease you?

The fact he gets in a car drunk is not acceptable. You even knowing that makes you potentially complicit in a crime. So with that in mind if you ever see him doing that again. Tell him you will ring the police on him. Although I don't know USA law or your police. Turn it into theatre in front of him with your phone out. Film him getting into the car. I am not joking. If he ignores you and continues, follow through with your threat when he is home again. A forcible intervention may have to happen.

As he does not have the right to endanger others. I can assure you what will be worse for his mental health and your relationship, is injuring or killing someone and having to live with the regret and the weight of law that won’t care he has Bipolar. I am trying not to grind my teeth to dust here, or fantasise too much about showing up at yours with a roll of duct tape and rather gory footage of some one who did just that. With the harrowing statements made by the people who lost their daughter and feel like they too have died.

The porn issue is the least of your concerns. Mania makes you stupidly wanting and if that is not even controlled no amount of appealing to him will make a difference. Restless need wins.

It has to start with the alcohol issues whilst maintaining the medication regime. Probably best not to quit cigarettes simultaneously.

If he can’t even give you that then you maybe need to point out that you cannot go on this way either. Either he does this or you have to consider your options. As you can’t be party to potential reckless endangerment or see him destroying himself. Maybe even ask him are you trying to kill yourself, just slowly?

I think that is a fair thing to put across. Won’t be easy though. There are various support organisations out there but it is pointless if they are only doing it to appease you. They also have to do it for themselves. So ask them if they even care about themself?

I don’t know your situation or their personality so if any of this would put you in danger disregard what I have to say and choose the safest option. If you think it is salvageable I can only wish you the best. Try not be overly blaming because I reckon they are in pain in some form but as a man myself we are terrible at conveying that. Instead we act like idiots and pretend there is no problem until problems slap us directly in the face. I really do hope you can enter into a meaningful dialogue maybe your words will be that slap. To bring home reality and how it needs to change from the trajectory it is on. Be safe.
 
T

TheHeartHasAVoice

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
420
Location
Australia
Change the environment. Ditch the drugs. The solution is simple. No peace without accepting that.
 
E

Earl J

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 2, 2020
Messages
82
Location
Ireland
Hi Sally, please disregard the above post, your situation is not that simple. Ghost Owl has given you excellent advice,as good as any psychiatrist, so try to do as he says.
 
T

TheHeartHasAVoice

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
420
Location
Australia
Sorry to sound harsh. I hope you mend your issues. I just have a personal hate for those two addictions. They destroy lives, families and relationships and are legalised. Ghost owl had good points. I'll leave this thread.
 
S

SillySally

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
6
Location
US
You are in a very difficult position.

Taking meds every day is pointless if also using alcohol. Many mood stabilisers are offset by alcohol. It is the equivalent of being a diabetic, reliant on insulin and eating a lot of cake. It does not matter you are using insulin everyday at that point. You are still going to end up with dangerously high blood sugars, risk going blind and have worsening foot issues. As it offsets the gains of using the insulin in the first place.

Your partner is basically doing the same. The only difference is, Mood stabilisers build up in a person's system. If you get used to them while simultaneously gaining no benefit that does not stop the mania. You shut the door on what can help in future. Limiting your options. Alcohol is known to push both extreme states to even greater extremes. Every mania also damages the person having it, pretty much burns the brain in a way, and potentially lowers the threshold for another episode occurring.

The issue of Bipolar though also likely feeds into the lack of self control with alcohol. It is a very vicious cycle. You have to safely get them to stop drinking. The question then becomes why do they drink? There is the addictive element but there is another element usually. What does he gain from drinking? Is it to slow racing thoughts? Is it a habit that has been used a long time when dealing with stress or difficult feelings? That side really has to be looked into. Just saying it is addiction does not cover the psychological side of addiction. It is harder to defeat chemical addiction when you have psychological drivers also supporting the chemical addiction. Harder still if external habit reinforces it further.

Has he done any work on that side of things? Does he really want to stop or is he trying to appease you?

The fact he gets in a car drunk is not acceptable. You even knowing that makes you potentially complicit in a crime. So with that in mind if you ever see him doing that again. Tell him you will ring the police on him. Although I don't know USA law or your police. Turn it into theatre in front of him with your phone out. Film him getting into the car. I am not joking. If he ignores you and continues, follow through with your threat when he is home again. A forcible intervention may have to happen.

As he does not have the right to endanger others. I can assure you what will be worse for his mental health and your relationship, is injuring or killing someone and having to live with the regret and the weight of law that won’t care he has Bipolar. I am trying not to grind my teeth to dust here, or fantasise too much about showing up at yours with a roll of duct tape and rather gory footage of some one who did just that. With the harrowing statements made by the people who lost their daughter and feel like they too have died.

The porn issue is the least of your concerns. Mania makes you stupidly wanting and if that is not even controlled no amount of appealing to him will make a difference. Restless need wins.

It has to start with the alcohol issues whilst maintaining the medication regime. Probably best not to quit cigarettes simultaneously.

If he can’t even give you that then you maybe need to point out that you cannot go on this way either. Either he does this or you have to consider your options. As you can’t be party to potential reckless endangerment or see him destroying himself. Maybe even ask him are you trying to kill yourself, just slowly?

I think that is a fair thing to put across. Won’t be easy though. There are various support organisations out there but it is pointless if they are only doing it to appease you. They also have to do it for themselves. So ask them if they even care about themself?

I don’t know your situation or their personality so if any of this would put you in danger disregard what I have to say and choose the safest option. If you think it is salvageable I can only wish you the best. Try not be overly blaming because I reckon they are in pain in some form but as a man myself we are terrible at conveying that. Instead we act like idiots and pretend there is no problem until problems slap us directly in the face. I really do hope you can enter into a meaningful dialogue maybe your words will be that slap. To bring home reality and how it needs to change from the trajectory it is on. Be safe.

Thank you for the response. I have asked him if he cares about himself plenty of times. also told him its hard to watch him kill himself slowly. this time around certain things in his life has changed and i believe he wants to stop smoking and drinking. he finally admitted that drinking and taking meds is bad for him. (ive always said this but hes been in denial) hes not super open about his feelings but says the pills numb him and i think by his drinking he is trying to forget his hurt. im sure to maybe numb his mind and feel something else. i appreciate the advice. i guess we will start out by trying to realllly slow down the drinking.
 
S

SillySally

Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
6
Location
US
Sorry to sound harsh. I hope you mend your issues. I just have a personal hate for those two addictions. They destroy lives, families and relationships and are legalised. Ghost owl had good points. I'll leave this thread.
yes i do as well! its terrible.
 
Clydol_17

Clydol_17

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
68
Location
Philippines
Hi. My advice is to get him to see a therapist or maybe you guys can go together. At this time, maybe teletherapy can be available.

He needs to develop healthy coping habits and control his hypersexuality in times of mania or hypomania. Let him know how it is affecting you and him individually, and your relationship.

Good luck!
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
S I need help. I don’t need help. Bipolar Forum 8
U Need urgent help Bipolar Forum 46
h_put2021 Need help Bipolar Forum 5
K Need help regarding how to respond to my wife's last outburst Bipolar Forum 11
D Need help understanding Bipolar Forum 10
K I need help.. Bipolar Forum 13
Canadian74 New Here, I need Help Bipolar Forum 10
J Hello need some help Bipolar Forum 1
Angelove72 Manic 48+ hours oh god now need sleep Bipolar Forum 4
dubblemonkey my turn to need some comfort Bipolar Forum 1
starfoxxy90 Advice need maybe?? Bipolar Forum 4
V Long read: a magma of meds and confusion, need advice or comfort Bipolar Forum 1
D i need to know something Bipolar Forum 5
h_put2021 Need some support --- loaded & lengthy post Bipolar Forum 3
C Need some input please Bipolar Forum 9
HLon99 Need advice about psychiatrist appointment Bipolar Forum 17
L Need some advice about my bipolar wife. Bipolar Forum 7
S need advice? Bipolar Forum 7
K Need advice on partner going through depressive phase Bipolar Forum 8
D i gonna find a job but i need an opinion Bipolar Forum 5
Jumo Need advice for bipolar partner's depressive episode Bipolar Forum 1
Iamsoconfused Need some more info on bipolar disorder Bipolar Forum 7
T In need of support Bipolar Forum 2
D I need some advice please Bipolar Forum 15
S Need advice? Bipolar Forum 26
G best friend with bipolar disorder abruptly dumped me, help! Bipolar Forum 16
N where to start with asking for help and getting an assessment for bipolar. Bipolar Forum 10
S please help Bipolar Forum 4
M Help Bipolar Forum 1
B Re: my partner doesn't understand nor help. Bipolar Forum 3
B My partner doesn't understand nor help. Bipolar Forum 9
M Help Bipolar Forum 6
S Can someone help me understand what I should do? Bipolar Forum 14
M How do I help someone with bipolar? Bipolar Forum 10
Marly92 Bipolar and amphetamines HELP Bipolar Forum 9
C ** Please Help me ** Needing opinions on wife's mental state... Bipolar Forum 10
Y Help! My boyfriend is bipolar Bipolar Forum 9
S Help My Husband has Bipolar and I dont know what to do Bipolar Forum 5
J lithium is making my hair look crazy :( any ideas to help? Bipolar Forum 3
S Some help Bipolar Forum 4
HLon99 Excessive Sleeping Help! Bipolar Forum 1
M I am bipolar type 2, and my younger brother was now recently diagnosed with type 1. Please help. Bipolar Forum 2
HLon99 Help for a friend who is seeing ghosts Bipolar Forum 3
W Help ... Doc wants to change my medication from Seroquel to Rexulti Bipolar Forum 3
D I HAVE A FORTHCOMING CAMPUS FINAL YEAR EXAM depression or ANXIETY... PLZ HELP Bipolar Forum 9
M Help with thoughts.... Bipolar Forum 4
F I am SO MEAN to my boyfriend...help! Bipolar Forum 5
W Couple Needs Help Bipolar Forum 3
W How do I help my brother. Bipolar Forum 4
AnxiousE Definitely hypomania - please help Bipolar Forum 37

Similar threads

Top