Need help with my SH urges

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Loopylou83

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I'm sorry if this is going to affect anyone with self harm urges or who is going through a rough time of it ant the moment. First I with introduce myself, I'm Louise and I'm 36yrs old. I've been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, complex personality disorder and I'm a chronic self harmer. I first self harmed when I was 14 yrs old. I'm on medication and I've spend a lot of time in hospital, spending a long stretch of 6yrs in a medium secure psych ward.

At the moment I'm hard a real hard time keeping myself safe, I have big blow outs of self harm, on my legs and arms and been needing a lot of input from the A & E department. But over the past few week I have tried to fool people to think that I am safe and have everything well under control, well infact I have been secretly been harming my stomach.

I get such an adrenaline when I self harm, the blood rushes through my body and into my head and I just cannot stop. the worse I do it the better. I cry sometimes afterwards though as I know how much I'm damaging myself and the family and friends around me.

I've tried all the techniques people say to try like ice, meditation, relaxation, drawing on your skin, etc but nothing seems to work for me. I'm a lost cause!

Im already pumped up for my next self harm expedition. Please someone help me.
 
calypso

calypso

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I feel all those techniques you mention don't work because they are mimicking the self harm in different ways so entrenching that in your mind further. When we are in a strong rut like this its a brain pathway that is strongly established and the only way to help that is to build another one that is stronger and gradually weaken the one that was there before.

I think you can't do this on your own. I think you need to look into DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) and if there is any near you. Its a post code lottery for this unfortunately. But if there is, it is just the sort of thing that could help you - look it up online. Mindfulness is the key component in it and that if practised properly, can really help. But I totally understand being stuck in this rut. I'm a smoker and giving up is so hard for me also. I have self harmed in the past, sometimes badly, but Mindfulness and DBT stopped that (well for now - who knows in future).
 
midnightphoenix

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Have you tried writing down the thoughts as they come, during the urges? :hug: or distractions? :hug:

Welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
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Loopylou83

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Thanks for the reply, whilst in hospital I did DBT and also repeated it the following year as they say doing it twice makes it stick in your mind but unfortunately I found it no good.
 
midnightphoenix

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Thanks for the reply, whilst in hospital I did DBT and also repeated it the following year as they say doing it twice makes it stick in your mind but unfortunately I found it no good.
Sounds a bit like CBT, that wasnt helpful for me, personally :hug:

i do hope you find something that helps :hug:
 
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Loopylou83

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I've tried writing them down, I write poetry but the thought of self harm over powers things, I get so excited of self harm the adrenaline kicks in and I'm in a completely different world. its like I'm floating and the feelings take over
 
calypso

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Sounds a bit like CBT, that wasnt helpful for me, personally :hug:

i do hope you find something that helps :hug:
Its quite different from CBT but I am sorry that you didn't find it helpful. I wish I could come up with something. But writing on here when you get the urges might help us so we can support you through it.
 
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Loopylou83

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thanks calypso, maybe I will give that a try. But I'm not hopeful with no disrespect. |:)
 
write

write

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Hello, I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Glad you reached out. Perhaps as others have said, writing here might help delay, break the cycle somewhat...Keep trying, is so horrible isn't it? I can relate to what you say. I'm in a bad place with self harm too and resisting more of the same is so hard despite hating it. I'm in so much pain and wasn't treated very well earlier this week when I needed to get treatment, yet urge to punish me and for pain is ongoing.
One thing someone has advised me is to try and care for myself as I would, how I did for my kitten when she was so tiny and worried and needing a lot of care and reassurance. It is helping a bit, though trying to be compassionate to myself is hard work. But trying to care rather than hurt was the message.
Hope you find a way through x
 
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