• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Need help with difficult social situation

G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
296
Need help with a difficult and rather frustrating situation. I have this very difficult friend. I don't know what to do about it anymore. All I know is that I literally can't spend much time with him because he's very draining of my energy and resources. I've tried to imply as nicely as I can that I can't see him very much because he lives like 45 minutes away from me by car. Here's what makes this situation difficult.

He has no money. He's an alcoholic. He's clingy and he's aggressive. I'm not trying to badmouth him but for my own good and safety have I had to put this up here for advice.

I met this guy four years ago. At first we were great friends. We both loved to go camping, hiking, all sorts of outdoorsy things. It was awesome at first. We had a big group of buddies and we were both 21 when we met. We hung out every day for a year and the more we hung out the more expectant he seemed to get. When I couldn't make it that long way he'd get mad. I assume because I was his only mode of transportation. Then he moved two states away, like that and was gone for three years then just moved back in town like two months ago. Ever since he's been trying to contact me multiple times a week to hang out, thinking things are exactly the way they were before he left. We've hung out twice since he's been back and both times it didn't go very well. Something always goes wrong when I go to see this guy, my car's broken down, we get in a fight, getting stranded somewhere, etc. Its just a dangerous situation. One day I didn't answer him so he filled my inbox with rude messages, all because I didn't answer. Then he had the nerve to contact me again a week later and pretty much committed me into hanging out, before fully reconciling even though I didn't really want to. He just said, 'so Saturday lets meet up at 3.' Not to be rude I had to make a nearly hour long drive up there. I hoped that by standing my ground he'd learned to respect me but he was just as rude as before, just as needy and expectant, always critical of every little thing I do, etc. I feel like I have to be a certain way every time I'm around this person. He never respects boundaries, insisting to keep me out all night even though I have early morning commitments, placing us in reckless and dangerous situations, etc. Without being rude what can I do? I've tried so hard to be patient with this person but I can't help but feel like he's just using me for something. This is the type of person I call frenemy or froe. They want to see you so badly but it feels like they're using you to get their way, or using the situation to control you. THis is the one sided relationship where one person is in control of the entire thing, what they do, conversation, when they can leave, etc. It always turns out to be this big, big event when he wants to get together and again he doesn't respect the rules or my boundaries. I've extended as much as I could and worked to keep this friendship good and healthy. I'm 100% introvert and he's 100% extrovert and every time I say I can't today, he asks, 'well why not? What are you doing later? what about tomorrow, what about the next day? What are you doing this weekend? sorry this is long but I had to put this up, word for word, because this is really becoming a strain.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
5,044
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
You need a crash course and some practice with boundaries because you don't have any.

Program your phone so his number comes up as "don't answer" or asswipe or whatever will really catch you back to reality. He is not your friend.

You just go no contact. period.

Good he lives an hour away and has no transportation...he can't travel to you to be a bother.

Hubs has 2 phone numbers....abuser1 & abuser2 which reminds him of his commitment to no contact.
 
Top