• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Need help with difficult social situation



Well-known member
Jul 7, 2017
Need help with a difficult and rather frustrating situation. I have this very difficult friend. I don't know what to do about it anymore. All I know is that I literally can't spend much time with him because he's very draining of my energy and resources. I've tried to imply as nicely as I can that I can't see him very much because he lives like 45 minutes away from me by car. Here's what makes this situation difficult.

He has no money. He's an alcoholic. He's clingy and he's aggressive. I'm not trying to badmouth him but for my own good and safety have I had to put this up here for advice.

I met this guy four years ago. At first we were great friends. We both loved to go camping, hiking, all sorts of outdoorsy things. It was awesome at first. We had a big group of buddies and we were both 21 when we met. We hung out every day for a year and the more we hung out the more expectant he seemed to get. When I couldn't make it that long way he'd get mad. I assume because I was his only mode of transportation. Then he moved two states away, like that and was gone for three years then just moved back in town like two months ago. Ever since he's been trying to contact me multiple times a week to hang out, thinking things are exactly the way they were before he left. We've hung out twice since he's been back and both times it didn't go very well. Something always goes wrong when I go to see this guy, my car's broken down, we get in a fight, getting stranded somewhere, etc. Its just a dangerous situation. One day I didn't answer him so he filled my inbox with rude messages, all because I didn't answer. Then he had the nerve to contact me again a week later and pretty much committed me into hanging out, before fully reconciling even though I didn't really want to. He just said, 'so Saturday lets meet up at 3.' Not to be rude I had to make a nearly hour long drive up there. I hoped that by standing my ground he'd learned to respect me but he was just as rude as before, just as needy and expectant, always critical of every little thing I do, etc. I feel like I have to be a certain way every time I'm around this person. He never respects boundaries, insisting to keep me out all night even though I have early morning commitments, placing us in reckless and dangerous situations, etc. Without being rude what can I do? I've tried so hard to be patient with this person but I can't help but feel like he's just using me for something. This is the type of person I call frenemy or froe. They want to see you so badly but it feels like they're using you to get their way, or using the situation to control you. THis is the one sided relationship where one person is in control of the entire thing, what they do, conversation, when they can leave, etc. It always turns out to be this big, big event when he wants to get together and again he doesn't respect the rules or my boundaries. I've extended as much as I could and worked to keep this friendship good and healthy. I'm 100% introvert and he's 100% extrovert and every time I say I can't today, he asks, 'well why not? What are you doing later? what about tomorrow, what about the next day? What are you doing this weekend? sorry this is long but I had to put this up, word for word, because this is really becoming a strain.


Well-known member
Oct 30, 2010
Bristol TN
You need a crash course and some practice with boundaries because you don't have any.

Program your phone so his number comes up as "don't answer" or asswipe or whatever will really catch you back to reality. He is not your friend.

You just go no contact. period.

Good he lives an hour away and has no transportation...he can't travel to you to be a bother.

Hubs has 2 phone numbers....abuser1 & abuser2 which reminds him of his commitment to no contact.
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
M extreme fear of talking about myself - need help Social Anxiety Forum 5
E I need help. Social Anxiety Forum 2
S Social Anxiety in my twenties. Need some help and tips Social Anxiety Forum 4
S Extreme anxiety of talking about myself - need urgent help Social Anxiety Forum 21
G A very serious problem need help Social Anxiety Forum 5
H Need advice please help Social Anxiety Forum 3
E Need help to overcome this Social Anxiety Forum 1
M Need some help/advice for my anxiety Social Anxiety Forum 1
A I smiled at beautiful lady yesterday :) But I just need some advice on this.... Social Anxiety Forum 15
L I’m always overthinking about how I appear to others. I need advice on how to loosen up. Social Anxiety Forum 5
C I need some advice Social Anxiety Forum 1
L I need your support Social Anxiety Forum 23
D What can I do if I need a haircut but I am too scared to leave the house Social Anxiety Forum 13
D Is it bad for me to obsess over improving how I sound and how I act in social situations or do I need to stop overthinking so much? Social Anxiety Forum 9
L I need a job, but my anxiety won't let me Social Anxiety Forum 4
FutureCrazyCatLady I need someone in my corner. Social Anxiety Forum 2
R I'm gay and I feel like I need approval/acceptance from straight men Social Anxiety Forum 6
M Need a friend or two Social Anxiety Forum 15
G In Serious Need of a Job Social Anxiety Forum 3
A Nothing too serious, just need advice. Social Anxiety Forum 3
B Need to know if I've acted out of the norm for someone with anxiety and gone completely crazy!!! Social Anxiety Forum 3
N I need an advice Social Anxiety Forum 8
blacksmoke just need to rant Social Anxiety Forum 89
S Even introverts need love Social Anxiety Forum 1
J in need of some friends Social Anxiety Forum 3
S Anxiety/Depression. Need advice. Social Anxiety Forum 1
A What you need to be free of anxiety. Social Anxiety Forum 39
N I need to go out Social Anxiety Forum 2
A Advice on what to do if you thought you didn't need a psychiatrist any longer Social Anxiety Forum 5
S My story. Need some advice. Social Anxiety Forum 2
D think ive lost my mind, need advice Social Anxiety Forum 3
A I Fear confrontation or a fight. Help please? Social Anxiety Forum 1
M Getting help Social Anxiety Forum 3
S In the process of searching my first job. Please help me Social Anxiety Forum 1
Dav Any meds help with social anxiety Social Anxiety Forum 13
M Please help me :/ Social Anxiety Forum 13
M would therapy and or medicine help this issue? Social Anxiety Forum 3
LORD BURT What do you feel needs to happen to help? Social Anxiety Forum 22
Sarah902 Please help me! Social Anxiety Forum 11
A How can I help my friend overcome his social anxiety? Social Anxiety Forum 7
H How can i help my daughter Social Anxiety Forum 14
W Help with insurance issues Social Anxiety Forum 3
J Is there any real help Social Anxiety Forum 13
I Suffering from social anxiety, depression and extremely lonely, please help Social Anxiety Forum 9
Z How to help my daughter Social Anxiety Forum 11
J Don't know how to control myself, please help Social Anxiety Forum 3
R Minor issues with my social flatmate - help! Social Anxiety Forum 5
G How can I help my sister not hate me anymore? Social Anxiety Forum 4
G Hearing weird noises pls help Social Anxiety Forum 3
K Requesting a little help Social Anxiety Forum 2

Similar threads