N
nikias
Member
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2009
- Messages
- 7
I have met a girl who is obsessing on me and I need to know some advice on how to deal with the situation.
In a nutshell, she is 20, has a history of severe family abuse. She drinks heavily, and is starting to get in to substance abuse. She has attempted to kill herself several times in the past few years, and ended up in hospital a few times (I don't belive these attmepts were a "cry for help", they were genuine. ). Her self-esteem is chronically low. She suffers from sudden mood swings. She has been receiving help from the age of 13, but things seem to be a reaching an all time low. I dont know her that well, so can't really say any more than that.
She seems to have constructed a fantasy that involves me. I say fantasy, because we have had virtually no real contact. I post on a forum, and it seems she has read all 1000 of my posts and based the fantasy pretty much on that, and has fallen in love with me.
We have spoken over the past few weeks, but she actually is fairly reluctant to talk to me. She is playing out the fantasy on the forum, and seems somewhat less interested in the reality.
At first I thought I would just back the situation off, but it seems that because it is largely fantasy based, this is not possible. She has attached to me like a limpet mine, and I can't control matters, because it is all acting out on the forum.
What I need to know is how do I respond to this to minimise the damage to her. Her problems are way out of my league to deal with. But I don't wish to take action that would harm her unnecessarily.
My plan at the moment is to not respond to any of her posts on the forum, to force her more towards real contact, and then just push her in to some harmless activities, such as watching tv together and so on, and progessively cut contact with her.
But I have also wondered whether it is better to do the opposite, let the fantasy play out on the forum and cut real contact with her right away.
I feel that cutting all contact would have a very bad effect on her. I truly believe that at the moment she is on the edge of total collapse.
I know that sounds absoltuely terrible, but I really don't beleive that I am able to do her any good. If I feel at any point I can, I will, but at the moment I am just concerned with not causing her harm.
I need some really blunt and honest opinions on this. So, please, fire away...
In a nutshell, she is 20, has a history of severe family abuse. She drinks heavily, and is starting to get in to substance abuse. She has attempted to kill herself several times in the past few years, and ended up in hospital a few times (I don't belive these attmepts were a "cry for help", they were genuine. ). Her self-esteem is chronically low. She suffers from sudden mood swings. She has been receiving help from the age of 13, but things seem to be a reaching an all time low. I dont know her that well, so can't really say any more than that.
She seems to have constructed a fantasy that involves me. I say fantasy, because we have had virtually no real contact. I post on a forum, and it seems she has read all 1000 of my posts and based the fantasy pretty much on that, and has fallen in love with me.
We have spoken over the past few weeks, but she actually is fairly reluctant to talk to me. She is playing out the fantasy on the forum, and seems somewhat less interested in the reality.
At first I thought I would just back the situation off, but it seems that because it is largely fantasy based, this is not possible. She has attached to me like a limpet mine, and I can't control matters, because it is all acting out on the forum.
What I need to know is how do I respond to this to minimise the damage to her. Her problems are way out of my league to deal with. But I don't wish to take action that would harm her unnecessarily.
My plan at the moment is to not respond to any of her posts on the forum, to force her more towards real contact, and then just push her in to some harmless activities, such as watching tv together and so on, and progessively cut contact with her.
But I have also wondered whether it is better to do the opposite, let the fantasy play out on the forum and cut real contact with her right away.
I feel that cutting all contact would have a very bad effect on her. I truly believe that at the moment she is on the edge of total collapse.
I know that sounds absoltuely terrible, but I really don't beleive that I am able to do her any good. If I feel at any point I can, I will, but at the moment I am just concerned with not causing her harm.
I need some really blunt and honest opinions on this. So, please, fire away...