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Need help... want to break up for no reason

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shinehah

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Ok so I have no one I can talk to about this and I really am upset. I'm a college student, 20, and about 6 months ago I met this wonderful girl during an archaeological field school sponsored by my college over seas. We hung out a lot, and a month ago we started dating and she is everything I have ever wanted, we've got the same interests, I find her really pretty, and we have a lot to talk about. Never a dull moment. However, this past week or so I've started to have these feelings that I've had before. Not voices, I know I'm NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC, so that's not the problem. But I've had these feelings before. Essentially, I just feel compelled to give up on her. I just feel like it's hopeless, and I just should stop seeing her. However, I know it's not. I've had these feelings before. Last year, I joined the LDS church, even though my parents didn't like the church, but it wasn't long before I began feeling like I should stop going to church, and just give up on life. Not suicide, but just give up. Not care about the friends I'd made there, or if God was real, or focus on my life. I just retreated into my shell because I lived alone then. I'm having the exact same compulsions about this girl, and I'm afraid to talk to her about them. I can't talk to my parents, of course, and I don't really have any friends who wouldn't think I'm insane. Of course, I was on anti-depressants (Zoloft) for the past two years, and quit this summer. So I don't know what to do. Please, if you have recommendations I'd really appreciate it. This is the kind of girl I can see myself being with for the rest of my life, and I don't want to ruin our relationship and miss this chance.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
Hi shinehah,
IMO i think that you shouldnt let this girl go but deal with the negative feelings if that be talk to yourself, see your gp, perhaps even if that means going back on the medication. i say all this because you can see the great in this relationship and why shouldnt you be able to have this time in your life.
I dont know if the time is right yet to talk to this girl about these feelings I wouldnt like to judge that situation, but if you can keep hold of your feelings I'm sure that will happen at some point, and then if it is meant to be things will work out, best wishes james
 
blackdog

blackdog

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Hello Shinehah, I agree with JD. Perhaps it's a good time to see your GP and get some help with your thoughts/feelings but don't make any big decisions whilst you feel this way. Take care.
 
S

shinehah

Guest
Hi shinehah,
IMO i think that you shouldnt let this girl go but deal with the negative feelings if that be talk to yourself, see your gp, perhaps even if that means going back on the medication. i say all this because you can see the great in this relationship and why shouldnt you be able to have this time in your life.
I dont know if the time is right yet to talk to this girl about these feelings I wouldnt like to judge that situation, but if you can keep hold of your feelings I'm sure that will happen at some point, and then if it is meant to be things will work out, best wishes james
Thanks for your response. When you suggest that I see my gp, I'm assuming general practitioner, right? When I first got on my anti-depressant, I did it through the student clinic here on campus, but the mental health division had a policy of only seeing a student 10 times before they put you out to someone in the community. I had a really bad experience with that psychiatrist, and nothing changed so that's why I went off the medication. I have an appointment with my just general health doctor at home (I go to school about 1,000 miles away from my home) over winter break, should I just tell him my feelings? Thanks again for responding.
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

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409
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North Lincolnshire
Duobts are normal

Doubts are normal. You are learning. Learn from this relationship. Value and cherish love where you encounter it.

I am just converting to Roman Catholicism so I can say this in good faith. Dont get tied up in ehat I would call Evangelical or Charismatic new churches. Just keep it simple. I'm 45 and have been a pagan after an anglican upbringing for many years. So I am open minded.

I needed to embrace a church, and needed a churches embrace to me too. Really I did. But I would strongly advise you to go to a traditional church than one of the more modern charismatic (charismatic uses the same methods as hypnotism) church.

The do make you really welcome - but so do the others if you are genuinely seeking. Dont sell your soul to anyone who will have you. You are worth more than that. Have some reserve, its healthy.

Dont just grasp out o anything. As a o-dependant we all do that. The real religions will emphasise DISCERNMENT . Then all you have to do is work out what their interpretation of ~Discernment is. And you may then get a glimpse of whether it is right for you.

Personally, I give a little prayer to "god" every morning on waking. That paryer is : please help me to set my internal compass to positivity today.

And thats it.

Good luck. I dont want to preach, so I wont. Its a very personal decision. But i would implore you to avoid cultish like institutions. I had an ex husband who got invold with a cult. And many so-called-christian cults also exist.

Your free will is the most precious thingyou have.
Dont give it away.

With love and light,
cloudberry
 
S

shinehah

Guest
Doubts are normal. You are learning. Learn from this relationship. Value and cherish love where you encounter it.

I am just converting to Roman Catholicism so I can say this in good faith. Dont get tied up in ehat I would call Evangelical or Charismatic new churches. Just keep it simple. I'm 45 and have been a pagan after an anglican upbringing for many years. So I am open minded.

I needed to embrace a church, and needed a churches embrace to me too. Really I did. But I would strongly advise you to go to a traditional church than one of the more modern charismatic (charismatic uses the same methods as hypnotism) church.

The do make you really welcome - but so do the others if you are genuinely seeking. Dont sell your soul to anyone who will have you. You are worth more than that. Have some reserve, its healthy.

Dont just grasp out o anything. As a o-dependant we all do that. The real religions will emphasise DISCERNMENT . Then all you have to do is work out what their interpretation of ~Discernment is. And you may then get a glimpse of whether it is right for you.

Personally, I give a little prayer to "god" every morning on waking. That paryer is : please help me to set my internal compass to positivity today.

And thats it.

Good luck. I dont want to preach, so I wont. Its a very personal decision. But i would implore you to avoid cultish like institutions. I had an ex husband who got invold with a cult. And many so-called-christian cults also exist.

Your free will is the most precious thingyou have.
Dont give it away.

With love and light,
cloudberry
Well, thanks for not preaching, besides suggesting my church was "cultish" and practiced "hypnotism". I'm not going to get into a religious discussion, because I'd rather not. If you need discernment though, I'd suggest you really read about Catholic moral teaching (here's some great resources on studies of the theology of the late Pope John Paul II's "Love & Responsibility" or here online http://www.tobinstitute.org/ ). Cheers.
 
P

Pipa

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Nov 12, 2008
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6
Location
UK
Can I be blunt with you? - from reading your original post, you sound like someone experiencing depression. Now I'm sure you're aware that comes in many different guises, we all react differently, feel differently, exhibit different behaviours. You sound like you view yourself as someone with low self esteem, not feeling worthy of love and support from others - please, shout at me if I'm wrong, I can take it! Church, in whatever demomination that is, can be hugely theraputic and supportive and I am not adverse to it being a medium that can be healing and caring and supportive. Sometimes its a case of finding the right place for you - I know for myself personally I attend a church that is incredibly open to those who doubt, and accept that doubt is 'normal' within the church. But I don't think your issue is with your place of worship - if you want to talk more, I for one am here, and no, I won't judge you on your religious beliefs - talking helps, it's a cliche I know, but it's true - hope you are ok, Pip
 
G

greysea

Active member
Joined
Nov 10, 2008
Messages
34
Hi Shinehah,
i sometimes get thinking like this (like now) i manage to convince myself that my partner either would be better off with someone else (especailly either of two friends he's known for many years and loves as much as me anyway) or that he'll end up hurting me (mentally, has happned though he didn't realise it was distressing, which didn't help :/) or some other thing like that.
Don't make any decisions in a state like that!! it'll not end good.
I'm not sure i can really help much, but i do know that keeping information from each other will only hurt more in the long run, if you know it's not a passing phase you may be forced to discuss this with her, i know that it can be hard talking to people, especially those you love or want to care about.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I'm going to close this thread because the original poster has been banned and so the replies are to someone who is not in a position to reply or take part.
 
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