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Need help to overcome this

E

egolego

New member
Joined
Sep 6, 2016
Messages
3
I am a college student, male, in my twenties.
In puberty developed SA. I would say severe. I was always shy and maybe introverted, but before puberty I was reasonably happy with my life and myself. Had friends, loved to do things such as play games (too much), and much more.
This is where I am now. I can function in college, that is I don't have to avoid any of the "mandatory" things, for example I can give a presentation, work together with others, it is not perfect, but I can do all of that. Nobody who doesn't really know me would think I have quite a lot of troubles, especially in my past.
That said, I don't really have much of a social life. I have carried this feeling around with me for many years, that I want to find someone or some people to really connect to, and share my true interests / myself with. I get easily discouraged when I meet people, because I superficially get along with them quite well, but then I cannot really find the common ground that I want, and I am left disappointed. This cycle repeats itself. But in hindsight I think this not productive. I understand I need to let these things happen more as they come. But again I just can't shake this feeling.
My biggest problem, not uncommon at all it seems for male SA sufferers, is that I have no real experience with girls. I am told I am good looking. I would say in any case I am at least average, possibly more but I find it very hard to be objective. I'm not muscular by any means, but not super skinny either, and tall enough.
I would say I am definitely sexually frustrated. I have a high sex drive I would say (see the other topic I replied to here) and I manage that by masturbating, with some frequency by watching camgirls. I understand it is not ideal, but with no girl to speak of I do not see any other way to deal with this. I would like to hear other opinions on this matter. I would say however, generally speaking, that I definitely am someone who easily succumbs to too much instant gratification.

A more practical problem, which relates to the lack of social life, is that I have no opportunity to meet the girls I want to meet. I study a technical degree in college, there arent that many girls, and the girls that are available to me I am not attracted to. I should add that there have only been few girls that I really cared about so far in my life. Unfortunately I met these girls at the peak of my SA severity. So it was a no go, I was inches away from a panic attack talking to one of these girls. She was very cute / pretty, and had much more confident boyfriends than me, and I was convinced I wasn't good enough for her. The second girl was better, she was quite shy herself, very clever, but also mature in a way that I certainly wasn't at the time I think. This is already 7 years ago however :cry: Since then, I have not come across a girl I liked enough, but that is because I met so few :cry:

I go out rarely, and I don't like it much anyway, mainly because I really care about music, and the music is often so bad... it is very depressing. And I am not close minded about this either. I want to go out and enjoy myself without having to be completely plastered to be able to remotely enjoy that latest #######5 piece of music that some asswipe created in 30 mins... but I digress.

I very briefly tried Tinder, it is quite a big piece of $#%^ in my opinion, I might put some more effort into it at some point, but I am not going to put any faith in that route...
I need a girl in my life though. While I still have a long way to go and to grow, I can absolutely handle this, and plenty of people more broken than me are in a relationship so...'

Finally, I lack maturity for someone my age. This is no surprise however, because both my parents lack this too although in different ways and degrees. I have a lack of emotional maturity I guess.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
EgoLego, WELCOME to the Forum. It sounds pretty simple and straightforward to me. You need to go to some kind of social event/place/meeting where you will meet lots of new people. It's mathematics; you have to meet a number of girls before you find one that interests you. If you don't go out and meet the girls, you will become an old masterbating man.

I knew a guy who insisted on staying in his tiny rented room with porn and the years went by and his hair became gray and he never found a girl because he didn't even try.

I met my bf at a 12 Step meeting. We've been together for 23 years now. We are best friends and we almost never quarrel. You can have this too.

I once met a wonderful guy at an art museum. We had wonderful conversations about the art. Ask me what happened to him.
 
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