Need help, support, advice....anything...please?

mami5

mami5

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#1
As some of you already know I have a very abusive and controlling ex husband.....well he's back to his old tricks and has been emailing me today.

So far this year he has managed to avoid paying maintenance for our youngest son....so now they intend to take it straight from his wages...plus some arrears which he owes......which is only fair in my view.

Only he's not happy! He now intends to take our son away to live with him at end of this month....and there's nothing I can do to stop him.

I phoned SS today to beg them for help on behalf of son. I was in flood of tears on the phone.....but she couldn't help. Told me to contact police and solicitor. I phoned police....but they refuse to do anything.....it is a civil matter where they are concerned. My solicitor has already told me there's nothing she can do.

Please someone help me....I can't handle this on my own. I need help but don't know where else to turn. Any advice please?

I won't survive on my own. I am already really depressed and suicidal without this. :cry2: :cry2: :cry2:
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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#2
I am so sorry about what you are going through with your ex. It's horrible what he is doing to you. I'm afraid I can't give you any advice on what to do, because I don't know anything about the British legal system. I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
 
Mayflower7

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#4
Hi Mami,
Have you tried somewhere like women's aid, sorry not sure if cover Wales.
They can give legal advice, I'm really sorry this is happening.
Home - Womens Aid
Here to listen.
Take care
 
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valleygirl

valleygirl

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#5
I'm pretty sure here in Canada that if a divorced father refused to pay court-mandated child support that would count as as strike against him if he were to fight for custody.
 
mami5

mami5

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#6
Thank you both, really appreciate your support :hug:

Mayflower - I have contacted my local Women's Aid....I volunteer with them so went straight to the top.....they can't do anything.

Valleygirl - my ex has taken me to court in the past for custody but he failed.....judge ruled in my favour.

My main problem is the fact my son is now 17......and at 16 they can legally decide where they want to live. Thing is....son has already decided to stay with me....but will go as his father is pressurising him to.....he will not accept no. It is emotional abuse against my son......yet nobody will help him!

This is so wrong!! :cry2: :cry2:
 
valleygirl

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#7
Oh no! That's terrible. My aunt went through a similar situation with her ex and her son. I know it's no good. I'm so sorry.
My main problem is the fact my son is now 17......and at 16 they can legally decide where they want to live. Thing is....son has already decided to stay with me....but will go as his father is pressurising him to.....he will not accept no. It is emotional abuse against my son......yet nobody will help him!

This is so wrong!! :cry2: :cry2:
 
mami5

mami5

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#8
Thank you valleygirl :hug:

Sorry your aunt has gone through this too.

My eldest son, who is from my first marriage, was thrown out of the house as soon as he turned 16. There was nothing I could do to stop him :cry2:

Our other 2 sons he took when they were 16....and now he wants the youngest......because he doesn't want to give me any money for him.

I should be used to this....but I'm not. It's breaking my heart.....especially when I KNOW son doesn't really want to go.
 
mami5

mami5

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#12
Had planned on talking to son about all this tonight

But, being Sunday, he finished work early and has gone straight to his friend's. He's staying the night.

It will have to wait until tomorrow now.....he has a day off tomorrow.

No idea when he'll be back though.....and I can't pounce on him as soon as he walks in the door.

I need to know his opinions on all this.

I hope he can be honest and open with me.

In the meantime.....other son....who lives with ex.....has messaged me on Facebook to say his dad has emailed me!

He's actually getting everyone involved!!! How dare he......it has nothing to do with our other son. He shouldn't use him to try and come between us. :cry2:

I refuse to respond to his emails......all 3 of them!!
 
mami5

mami5

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#15
Son has contacted.....he's not coming home today.

He's going to catch the bus straight to work tomorrow morning.

I really need to know his opinions on all this......will have to wait until after 6 tomorrow evening now.

All this waiting doing nothing is killing me.

Wish I had someone to turn to....to talk to.....for support....advice.....anything really. :cry2:
 
Mayflower7

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#16
Hi Mami,
It must be really hard waiting, sorry this is happening.
Talk to us here.
Take care
 
E

exyz

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#19
Mami, that is horrible for you:hug1:

Totally get where you are coming from, it's the age thing isn't it? If he were seven it might be easier, but 17, yes they will all be saying he is old enough to make up his own mind. Yet, you can see what is happening, where others will not.

I've been thinking and thinking.:scratch: It would be a police matter, at some point, if ex keeps bombarding you with abusive texts and emails. Do not delete, keep everything, screenshot FB etc.
He is a nasty bit of work by the sounds of it, and knows exactly what he is doing. :mad:

You are right not to respond, and it is so hard not to! You potentially, could get a court order/injunction to stop him threatening you via the civil courts. If he continued, then that's a breach of the injunction and then becomes a criminal matter for the police. Here is a CAB link, Welsh version click top right.
Taking action about harassment - Citizens Advice

Trouble is that he might play "poor me" to the boys, again and make you the baddie.
That's all I can think of for now, not much help probably.:hug1:
 
mami5

mami5

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#20
Thank you both :hug:

I have kept all the emails.

He's very clever in what he writes and how.

I really need to talk to son to get his views on all this.

Maybe I should let him get away with not paying any maintenance....stop the claim......then maybe I get to keep my son?

He's got away with so much over the years.....done as he pleased.....and nobody will stop him.....or punish him. Should he get away with this too?
 

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