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Need help so badly :-(

P

Poppyflower

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Aug 16, 2014
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I have a gap in my lower teeth that I am obsessed about. Whenever I am stressed I become even more fixated on it. I can't stand it. Looking at it in the mirror or even just thinking about it makes me want to die. I am not a vain person but for some reason this gap seriously distresses me and it also causes me almost constant physical problems, which means I can pretty much never switch off from it. I have looked into getting braces and have been quoted £2225 and £3000 depending on which brace I choose.

Thing is, the £2225 brace is a standard ceramic one and is likely to push my lip out because of the size of the brackets. Also, it is still visible despite being tooth-coloured. The £3000 brace is an inner one, so should be almost totally invisible. The catch? It could cause speech problems, such as a lisp.

I don't know how I would cope with either brace. I am a very self-conscious person and am panicking at the thought of my appearance or speech being affected by the brace. And I am also just completely distressed that I am even considering spending £3000 on what is essentially a vanity project.

I have recently started working and am trying to turn my life around. I am saving up money so I can further my education and also move out of the family home. If I get a brace I will be setting myself back months and months. But if I don't get the brace I probably won't ever get to further my education or move out anyway because I will probably end up killing myself over the gap in my teeth. How stupid is that?

I feel so stuck. I can get a brace and set myself back financially, which is a thought that makes me want to die. Or I can not get a brace and spend life feeling distressed over a small defect, which also makes me want to die.

And if I do decide to get the brace, I have no idea which one. The one that will make my mouth look strange or the one that will make me lisp? And thinking about that makes me want to die.

So basically right now I am having very strong thoughts about wanting to die and am starting to think that killing myself is the best option. :panic:
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya Poppyflower

Its not stupid to have a worry like this. But I would say that we often obsess over something relatively small to mask something we don't want to face. I would suggest that perhaps instead of £3000 on a brace, you try some therapy and try to deal with the underlying anxiety and its cause. You say that this defect makes you want to die. That is the issue here, not the gap in your teeth.

Its safer to worry over that than look elsewhere. Private therapy is about £35 an hour and well worth the money. Make sure its BAC or BACAP accredited though to make sure they are professionals.

What else is worrying you? You say you are self conscious, what made you like this do you think? I wonder if talking about your other factors in life might help here. Tell me about your family, your life at the moment, or the past and lets see if we can work anything out.

Take care honey, and no you are not stupid, but you are suffering and maybe we can help here. :hug5:
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Please use this forum as support for you. We are all here for you. I think therapy/counselling is important. Also your not vain, I understand why this would be effecting you. I agree with what calypso has said. I hope you feel better soon :)
 
katya

katya

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I agree with the above posts - it's not vain to be thinking like this. But I think, right now, your education and moving out are more important; these things will probably make you feel even more confident without the braces anyway. Getting therapy to help the way you feel about yourself will help too. Then you can decide whether you want to have it done, when you're a bit more settled and have a bit more spare cash. Wish you the best.

Please try not to fixate on it; what some people consider their "flaws" are probably actually quite cute in a lot of people's eyes.
 
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Poppyflower

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Thank you so much for the kind and supportive replies. I am reluctant to have therapy for 2 reasons:

1. No therapy I have ever tried has ever been successful in helping me! I haven't had therapy for this particular problem but I have had lots of other therapy/counselling for different issues and have never found it helpful. I've tried CBT multiple times for depression and anxiety, but I still have depression and anxiety and am not able to manage them better. I've had CAT for my eating disorder, but made absolutely no progress. I've had person-centred counselling for months and months on end but made no progress with any of my issues. So hopefully it is understandable that I feel therapy won't work! And I don't want to waste my time, energy, money or the therapist's time. :-(

2. The gap in my teeth causes physical problems which are extremely hard to deal with. I am always scraping my tongue along the edges of the crooked teeth and am constantly pressing my tongue into the gap, which is an unconscious and exhausting habit and makes the teeth ache. Plus, because the teeth are crooked I find it hard to keep them clean and I get plaque build-up which irritates my gums further. Because of these problems I am almost always aware of the gap in my teeth and cannot switch off from it, so I end up getting very distressed.

I have tried talking about this with my dentist, GP, psychiatrist, care coordinator, eating disorder therapist and someone from the Acute Home Treatment when I got referred there for being suicidal about my teeth but they don't do anything to help me. They haven't even suggested I get therapy to address the problem.

I don't know what to do.
 
katya

katya

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Thank you so much for the kind and supportive replies. I am reluctant to have therapy for 2 reasons:

1. No therapy I have ever tried has ever been successful in helping me! I haven't had therapy for this particular problem but I have had lots of other therapy/counselling for different issues and have never found it helpful. I've tried CBT multiple times for depression and anxiety, but I still have depression and anxiety and am not able to manage them better. I've had CAT for my eating disorder, but made absolutely no progress. I've had person-centred counselling for months and months on end but made no progress with any of my issues. So hopefully it is understandable that I feel therapy won't work! And I don't want to waste my time, energy, money or the therapist's time. :-(

2. The gap in my teeth causes physical problems which are extremely hard to deal with. I am always scraping my tongue along the edges of the crooked teeth and am constantly pressing my tongue into the gap, which is an unconscious and exhausting habit and makes the teeth ache. Plus, because the teeth are crooked I find it hard to keep them clean and I get plaque build-up which irritates my gums further. Because of these problems I am almost always aware of the gap in my teeth and cannot switch off from it, so I end up getting very distressed.

I have tried talking about this with my dentist, GP, psychiatrist, care coordinator, eating disorder therapist and someone from the Acute Home Treatment when I got referred there for being suicidal about my teeth but they don't do anything to help me. They haven't even suggested I get therapy to address the problem.

I don't know what to do.
I see where you're coming from a bit more. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time with this right now. I think, as hard as it is, it'd be a good idea for you to keep pursuing help for this problem from your psychiatrist and GP.

Could you maybe take out a loan to pay for the dental treatment?
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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In terms of plaque build up, you could use mouth wash and flossing in conjuntion with brushing teeth?
 
H

Helena1

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I would go for the visible ones myself as i think braces look great and they won't be too visible are you sure you can't get it on the nHS, as it says on their website you can 'for adults who need it. However, adults who want orthodontic treatment to fix minor cosmetic problems aren’t eligible for NHS treatment.' Braces - Live Well - NHS Choices
okay so they will be the silver ones but you are not gonna wear them forever and is only £220 if you get that.
 
P

Poppyflower

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Aug 16, 2014
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I see where you're coming from a bit more. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time with this right now. I think, as hard as it is, it'd be a good idea for you to keep pursuing help for this problem from your psychiatrist and GP.

Could you maybe take out a loan to pay for the dental treatment?
Thank you, I will try, though I think they are both sick of hearing about it! I actually have the money for the treatment but would have to use money I have saved so I can return to university to do a second degree. However, I was hoping to go back to uni this September and that is no longer possible. I will have to apply for 2016 entry now. So maybe that is a sign to go ahead with treatment as I have over a year to save for uni now?!

In terms of plaque build up, you could use mouth wash and flossing in conjuntion with brushing teeth?
I do! My dental hygiene routine is obsessive. I brush (with an electric toothbrush), I floss, I use interdental brushes and I have a one-bristle toothbrush to brush the hard to reach areas! I just think that the way the teeth have become crooked makes it hard to clean them effectively.

I would go for the visible ones myself as i think braces look great and they won't be too visible are you sure you can't get it on the nHS, as it says on their website you can 'for adults who need it. However, adults who want orthodontic treatment to fix minor cosmetic problems aren’t eligible for NHS treatment.' Braces - Live Well - NHS Choices
okay so they will be the silver ones but you are not gonna wear them forever and is only £220 if you get that.
Thanks, Helena. I have been told that I can't get them on the NHS. However I am going to try again because I don't think I have made it clear to my dentist that I get physical problems too.
 
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