Need Help - OCD/depression is breaking me inside

A

alphacharlie1

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Sheffield
#1
I’ve spoke before about HOCD/ROCD/POCD symptoms developing over the last 8 months and getting progressively worse, however in the last week they’ve all seemed to come crashing down on me at once, I can’t get 5 minutes peace, my head just feels so weighty 24/7 and it’s making me a wreck, it’s ruining my sleeping, I can’t sit still, I’m anxious, I don’t want to do anything. I can’t even pinpoint things that I’m thinking about, it’s as though I’ve given up and just accepted being all these things I was fully certain I wasn’t before. I can’t actually see a way out of this horrible mindset and my whole life feels like it’s on a string, I’m petrified that because I’m constantly feeling like this that I’ll lose feelings for my girlfriend etc and that’s what means the most to me. I feel so distant from everything and even when I do “checking” with the HOCD to make sure I’m straight it’s not even reassuring me anymore. I honestly don’t know what to do, I started making a list of triggers earlier in the week for ERP but gave up because what happens when I wake up and instantly feel like this? That’s not a trigger is it? It’s just constant.... is there a way out of this? My life was normal 8 months ago and I wish I could just reverse it all. Any help whatsoever would be really appreciated, my therapist just talks about mindfulness to me and I don’t really have faith in it/faith in myself to do it.
 
LouisaMogs

LouisaMogs

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Warrington
#2
I find that something like Valium, or anything in the opiate family helps to quell some of my OCD habits, I wouldn’t recommend it as a permanent solution though.
 
S

Seniorclassof2019

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2019
Messages
12
Location
United States
#3
I’ve spoke before about HOCD/ROCD/POCD symptoms developing over the last 8 months and getting progressively worse, however in the last week they’ve all seemed to come crashing down on me at once, I can’t get 5 minutes peace, my head just feels so weighty 24/7 and it’s making me a wreck, it’s ruining my sleeping, I can’t sit still, I’m anxious, I don’t want to do anything. I can’t even pinpoint things that I’m thinking about, it’s as though I’ve given up and just accepted being all these things I was fully certain I wasn’t before. I can’t actually see a way out of this horrible mindset and my whole life feels like it’s on a string, I’m petrified that because I’m constantly feeling like this that I’ll lose feelings for my girlfriend etc and that’s what means the most to me. I feel so distant from everything and even when I do “checking” with the HOCD to make sure I’m straight it’s not even reassuring me anymore. I honestly don’t know what to do, I started making a list of triggers earlier in the week for ERP but gave up because what happens when I wake up and instantly feel like this? That’s not a trigger is it? It’s just constant.... is there a way out of this? My life was normal 8 months ago and I wish I could just reverse it all. Any help whatsoever would be really appreciated, my therapist just talks about mindfulness to me and I don’t really have faith in it/faith in myself to do it.
Hi, I don’t know if you’ll see this or not but I know exactly how you feel. I have been dealing with untreated ocd and intrusive thoughts for a number of years but just recently has it started to get the worse it has ever been. I just recently started seeing a therapist but I haven’t really gotten any treatment yet. I understand everything you are talking about. Ocd and intrusive thoughts suck but even more so when they involve the people you love. All I can say is try sticking with the ERP and maybe even try mindfulness. This may be a little hypocritical coming from me considering I am going through what you are going through and haven’t tried either of the above because I am afraid that it will not work. One thing that helps me a lot is speaking to my therapist, just telling him about the thoughts I have been having and how I’ve been doing makes me feel better. Please know and realize that you are not your thoughts and that ocd was made to trick you into believing otherwise. It is called the “doubting disease”. I would love to know if anything worked for you and how you are doing currently. Keep your head up:)
 
A

alphacharlie1

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Sheffield
#4
Hi, I don’t know if you’ll see this or not but I know exactly how you feel. I have been dealing with untreated ocd and intrusive thoughts for a number of years but just recently has it started to get the worse it has ever been. I just recently started seeing a therapist but I haven’t really gotten any treatment yet. I understand everything you are talking about. Ocd and intrusive thoughts suck but even more so when they involve the people you love. All I can say is try sticking with the ERP and maybe even try mindfulness. This may be a little hypocritical coming from me considering I am going through what you are going through and haven’t tried either of the above because I am afraid that it will not work. One thing that helps me a lot is speaking to my therapist, just telling him about the thoughts I have been having and how I’ve been doing makes me feel better. Please know and realize that you are not your thoughts and that ocd was made to trick you into believing otherwise. It is called the “doubting disease”. I would love to know if anything worked for you and how you are doing currently. Keep your head up:)
Thank you for sharing with me, I’m kinda at the point now where I feel like I’m an expert in my own OCD.. so recently I had a 5/6 day period where some really good things happened in my life and I was distracted a little for a few days and the thoughts were so much less frequent and intense... yet something triggered me today and my mindset is that I’m going to have a bad period now again that will last for like a month or so.

I see the triggers and then I panick and I’m like, wait, should I look at this again? What am I looking for? What should I be thinking? And then I just stop looking because I’m so unsure if it’s exposure or not. It’s just irritating because I want the old me back so much that I’m holding back what I’m going through to my parents and friends, because let’s face it POCD/HOCD thoughts are not something I want to be associated with my whole life and I don’t want to taint my image forever, so I’m just clinging onto the old me hoping that it one day returns.

I understand ERP so an extent, and I have started to make a chart, but idk how frequent or often I should be exposing myself to each one. I don’t really do much in the days, that’s just me, i just enjoy being at home and watching tv and chilling out, so it’s hard for me to change my lifestyle in that respect so then I just end up in the same mental cycle every day, yet in an ideal world I’d want to enjoy chilling at home just without these thoughts :(
 
x3n

x3n

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
14
Location
:)
#5
Hey, first of all if you want to win with your OCD, you need to accept the thoughts and let them be. You cant overthink, you cant analyse. The more reassurance/ovethinking the stronger the obsessions gets. I know its hard. I know its very, very hard to stop doing compulsions. But it is the only way to win with OCD. At some point, people with HOCD and other sexual obsessions need to accept, that they might be in denial. Every of them is NOT, but they need to have that mindset to get rid of the endless cycle of compulsions and intrusive thoughts. Im sorry I know this is not the answer that you've been looking for, but the only way to fight your OCD is to stop seeking reassurance. Please stop thinking about your sexuality, stop checking and I promise you, in a 2-3 months you will realize how the obsession has destroyed your mind and that it was purely OCD, not a true yourself. Take care mate.
 
S

Seniorclassof2019

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2019
Messages
12
Location
United States
#6
Thank you for sharing with me, I’m kinda at the point now where I feel like I’m an expert in my own OCD.. so recently I had a 5/6 day period where some really good things happened in my life and I was distracted a little for a few days and the thoughts were so much less frequent and intense... yet something triggered me today and my mindset is that I’m going to have a bad period now again that will last for like a month or so.

I see the triggers and then I panick and I’m like, wait, should I look at this again? What am I looking for? What should I be thinking? And then I just stop looking because I’m so unsure if it’s exposure or not. It’s just irritating because I want the old me back so much that I’m holding back what I’m going through to my parents and friends, because let’s face it POCD/HOCD thoughts are not something I want to be associated with my whole life and I don’t want to taint my image forever, so I’m just clinging onto the old me hoping that it one day returns.

I understand ERP so an extent, and I have started to make a chart, but idk how frequent or often I should be exposing myself to each one. I don’t really do much in the days, that’s just me, i just enjoy being at home and watching tv and chilling out, so it’s hard for me to change my lifestyle in that respect so then I just end up in the same mental cycle every day, yet in an ideal world I’d want to enjoy chilling at home just without these thoughts :(
I understand you compeletly, I just recently had a week where I felt like myself again and I thought I was getting better and then all of a sudden it all came back.. this week has been the worst week of my life and I really started to loose hope a couple of times. I just really want the old me back and I’m scared that it will never happen. I am trying to keep my head high and I am supposed to be seeing a psychiatrist in about a month. Which scares me because my ocd is basically on a week to week basis, one week I’m fine the next I’m certain that I’ll never be the same it’s crazy. I enjoy watching tv and chilling too haha. That’s all I used to do when I felt like myself and it seemed a lot more enjoyable then than it is now. I haven’t started ERP but should be soon, I’m pretty scared. Nobody but my therapist knows the nature of my obsessions and I’m really scared that the ERP won’t work and will just make things worse.
 

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