- Mar 24, 2019
I’ve spoke before about HOCD/ROCD/POCD symptoms developing over the last 8 months and getting progressively worse, however in the last week they’ve all seemed to come crashing down on me at once, I can’t get 5 minutes peace, my head just feels so weighty 24/7 and it’s making me a wreck, it’s ruining my sleeping, I can’t sit still, I’m anxious, I don’t want to do anything. I can’t even pinpoint things that I’m thinking about, it’s as though I’ve given up and just accepted being all these things I was fully certain I wasn’t before. I can’t actually see a way out of this horrible mindset and my whole life feels like it’s on a string, I’m petrified that because I’m constantly feeling like this that I’ll lose feelings for my girlfriend etc and that’s what means the most to me. I feel so distant from everything and even when I do “checking” with the HOCD to make sure I’m straight it’s not even reassuring me anymore. I honestly don’t know what to do, I started making a list of triggers earlier in the week for ERP but gave up because what happens when I wake up and instantly feel like this? That’s not a trigger is it? It’s just constant.... is there a way out of this? My life was normal 8 months ago and I wish I could just reverse it all. Any help whatsoever would be really appreciated, my therapist just talks about mindfulness to me and I don’t really have faith in it/faith in myself to do it.