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Need help, mother issues....



New member
Oct 3, 2014
Sorry I posted this thread elsewhere, but I think it fits better here.. Sorry for any inconvenience, just feel so low and desperate right now.

Hello there.

I am ill with physical conditions and my mental health issues too, depression and anxiety.
I live at home with my Mother and I don't think I could manage to live by myself as I am so ill.

Anyway, my Mother is passive aggressive and very manipulative and just not such a nice person really and just now I don't know what to do or where to go for help. I am sat in tears now because of how she acts.
Sorry this may be long...

We have moved house as she wanted to. It needed a lot of work and tbh, although I am so very ill I have done everything that has been done and made myself even more ill in the process. I have painted ceilings and done everything and feel very ill for it.

Anyway today I hung a border in the front room, I carried two sets of ladders and paste table down and did all of the work. I took them all outside afterwards and then painted a radiator while she sat in the garden with the dog.
Before dinner I put the paste table in the shed but left the paste bucket as it wouldn't fit. She said it had to go in as the dog may eat it (he never would) so I said it wouldn't fit and I'll bring the dog in and do it later. She said I couldn't just leave it and so I said if she wants it done then she could do it or she could of done it while I was painting and she sat in the garden if it was that important to her.
So then she starts an argument and says I have been sitting on my bum for ages and could have done it (I was filling in important forms). So she upsets me and ruins everything I have done today. Then she starts getting upset, tells me not to cry as the neighbours will hear and know I'm crazy, look at what I have done.
I was in a good mood, I was happy with what I had done and even put away the table, she was the one who started it all because I hadn't done one extra thing, that she hadn't even asked I do.

Then she pulls her classic trick out of the book, the one she has been doing since I was twelve, but has increased since last year. Last year she thought she was having a stroke and made me call an ambulance, she wasn't, she didn't have any symptoms, but she had high blood pressure which has been treated.
So now she say whenever she starts an argument that she pins on me, she holds her arm and says I'm going to kill her, I'm putting up her blood pressure and killing her.

I don't know what to do. I'm all alone here. I don't have any friends I can turn to and I'm just stuck here with this. I can't bear it any more I really can't. I just feel like I don't want to live any more.

I really can't move out, I have no way of doing it and I love my dog, so I couldn't leave him behind to live in a bedsit, he's all I have, I don't think I would have a reason to live without him everyday.

I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for the rambling on, I just hate this. I've tried so hard and keep thinking I can live here if it looks nice no matter if this happens, but I can't, I really can't. She ruins everything and then she ALWAYS says it's me that has done it or started the argument and then that she is going to die. Right now she is still blaming me for this when I had no issue when the bucket went in.

She also will say 'Don't cry at my grave when I die'. She has been saying this for years too. It's so manipulative, it's obviously given me some issues, so whenever she may die I will have that hanging over me.

She can be nice at times, it's a shame as when we can have a nice time she is so different, but then this is just unbearable. I have no idea what to do or where to go from here.
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

Feb 11, 2013
under the Forum Troll bridge

I replied to you on your other thread, but as I said there I honestly think you would need to move out. Is there somewhere you can get advice about how to do this, your local CAB, if you are in contact with services can you let them know what she is like and how it is affecting your health, and also stress that your dog is essential for your wellbeing?

My mum was similar to yours and you can't change her imo, whatever you do will be wrong and she will always find a reason to behave that way. it isn't necessarily her fault, she probably does not know a better way to behave but she does not sound open to self-analysis or seeing what effect her behaviour is having on you and I am concerned about the effect she is having on your health, I know it well from my own experience.

Counselling might help you but while you are still living there you are still going to be dealing with the same stuff day in and out and it will drive you to despair. Can you speak to your GP about how this is affecting you? There must be benefits you are entitled to such as HB and PIP, you are unwell so wouldn't necessarily end up in a bedsit you would have to be found suitable accomodation.