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Need help in coming out of this situation-emotionally stuck

H

hope4life

New member
Joined
May 13, 2013
Messages
3
i have been married for 3 years.
In first year of marriage i was not that happy with my family since mine was arranged marriage and his family was not that great with good people around.
Hence i was kinda upset (not happy) for much long time.
I had a co-worker in my office and we were close buddies (during 1st year of my marriage).
i sensed that i was attached with him in some way (never sexually attracted though).
slowly i came to know his competitive nature i started feeling annoyed by his behaviour.
Also i came to know that he likes me as well but was competetive in nature.
I resigned and left the company.I started avoiding and ignoring and stopped contacting(i knw its bad on my part to do this).
Later after 4 months or so i contacted him back thinking i lost a person who loved me and cared for me and after a long struggle i got my buddy back.I promised that i will never leave him again his way.
But then i became close to him and started liking him.Never stopped thinking about him even for a second.
we spoke daily,chatted..slowly i became emotionally attached and my life was impossible without him ...
i was so alert to see that i dont lose him at any cost..i shared my feelings..my thoughts with him..even my life before marriage..about my college days..many such stuffs.
Since i was completely into him..thinking all the day..it created issue with my husband where he felt i dont spend much time with him.
i felt disgusted and i was so upset that day..and my close friend(female) advised me to end my cntact with co worker..since she said i crossed my line..and betrayed my husband.
I wanted to be good in GODS eyes and like a coward i felt i should do what she says else i will not be forgiven.In that situation i dint think of promises i made to coworker/friend.
I felt she was right..and i did so..i stopped all contacts telling co-worker the same that my marriage will have issues if i continue and we cant continue as friends as well.
He pleaded not to do so but like a cruel person i did it and felt relaxed since now i am on safe side( according to GOD)
I broke my promise for being there for him...i turned out to be a untrust worthy person,a bad person,inhuman.
After 15 days of breaking..i emailed t say sorry and tried to reach him as well..but then he said he doesnt want to speak with me anymore..
i was devastated..and guilt kills me inside.After more than 1.5 years still i get back and feel bad..that i lost a person who loved me..and i turned out to be a inhuman..

please tell me what to do..
I never think of hurting anyone
 
Dita85

Dita85

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
3,790
Hi Hope4Life, welcome to the forum :welcome:

I don't think you are a bad person, or inhuman. You were unhappy in your marriage with someone you did not choose and you became close to someone else, but you walked away from that person because you wanted to put your faith and possibly marriage first. I think there are a lot of people who could relate to that.

How do you feel now? Are you happy in your marriage? If the relationship with your co-worker had continued, would you have ended your marriage for him? Only you know the answers to these questions. I'm sorry you have lost your friend, that must be very painful.
 
H

hope4life

New member
Joined
May 13, 2013
Messages
3
Thanks Dita.

My problem/concern is :
1)He hates me now :(
2)he blocked me on g+ and deleted from FB feeling awful since feeling like thrown in a dustbin
3)I have bcome bad in his(co wrker) eyes now.
4)I am regreting for broken with relation.Feeling like i could have maintained relation as a friend.
5)I broke my own promise.turned out to be unpredictable.

Am not sure why i am upset if he doesnt like me or thinks that i am bad...i dont knw why i am stuck in this..
I am not able to do my study work or any other work productively.

"Inhuman i felt" was i hurted coworker not that i liked him..
i did what my inner soul told me to...i agree with your thing.
 
Dita85

Dita85

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
3,790
I'm sorry that he doesn't want any contact with you. It might not be that he hates you, but just that he is hurt and doesn't feel able to deal with his feelings about it all. He might also feel upset about what happened. Just because you broke a promise doesn't make you a bad person. It is possible to be a good person who makes mistakes. I think what you need is some help moving on from this situation, would you consider going for counselling?
 
H

hope4life

New member
Joined
May 13, 2013
Messages
3
Thanks Dita.
I cant think of paid counselling since my husband doesnt know about ths anything.

I feel like punishing myself for having broken the relation and being bad now.
I know i cant undo the past but not sure why my heart is not convinced and ME as whole not getting convinced.

Dont know what to do next..
 
A

anonymous1

Guest
hi hope4life,

Have you thought about visiting your GP and asking for free counselling? You could just say that it was relationships issues that have been causing you a lot of stress - they have to keep confidentiality.

Also, if you google 'free counselling' you might find an online counsellor - but you will need to be a bit careful who you choose - but you could do this anonymously if you set up a new email address.
 
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