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Need help dealing with my mother

A

Aurin

Active member
Joined
Nov 1, 2020
Messages
29
Location
Some city
Hello everyone,

I'm dealing with anxiety, but it is somewhat controlled these past months, I didn't had many good nights of sleep lately and a constant feeling of worrying, the main reason I will explain below:

I think I have to start from the beginning.
My family from mother side has a history of mental illness, and my grandfather(her father) had a undiagnosed mental illness(assumed to be bipolar). By around the time she was doing the college admission exams, she was robbed a beat up. Around 20 she became pregnant(with me), but my father, a older man, didn't helped her, who did was my grandmother(mother of my father). Around 30 she found another partner, who she had another 2 children, but he had some problems with me, and so that created attrition at home. They divorced, but my smaller brothers did not accepted well, and they became really rebellious.

Around 6 years ago, I changed cities due college, since it had much more opportunities, and she decided to come with me, leaving my brothers in behind with their father.

Around the same time she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a suffer with chronic pain, which take a increases emotional toll in her, specially during pain crisis.

In her worst crisis, she has to take several medicines, including diazepam and morphine to endure the pain, and becomes exhauted.
When this happens she usually also becomes depressed, and keeps saying that nobody cares about her, that would be better if she died, and she would rather die so she would no longer suffer.

I also know that when she is not this way, she is proactive and like to do handiwork and to travel, so I know there are ups and downs. When she speaks about the illness when well, she speaks that she is afraid to die or to become a burden, not that she wants to die(I do not know if she still thinks about it, but at least is a improvement).

In her second worst crisis a couple of years back, she passed down to me her bank information in case she died, so I would have something.
This current crisis is being the worst, in my opinion, and she updated her information, and basically made a will.
I'm afraid that she wants to take her own life, or if she thinks the illness is worsening and thinks that will simply not make it, or is just my anxiety making the events worse then they are.

I love her, and we are close now, we had some problems in the past about it, it was mostly my fault, but we somewhat remedied it, and she is the only person I know I can count on and really trust to do so, and it pains me greatly to see her that way.

Without her I would be alone, I have no close friends, no romantic partner, and I have great difficulty to bound with other people.

Since I'm at home more due to the epidemic(classes online), I'm doing most of the chores, cleaning the house, doing the dishes, the only thing I don't do is ironing the clothes.
I also try to talk normally with her, show her stuff, and say that I'm there for her if she need it.
I simply do not know what else to do.

Also she does not is currently seeing professional help, she says that they only say the same stuff and don't actually try to hep her. She is also really stubborn, so I simply can't convince her to look professional help again, even when I was talking with a therapist, that she said would a good idea for me(and did helped me in worse times), she still thinks is not useful for her.

I wrote this for both as a way to unburden myself, and to ask for help.

I would like to ask to the ones who know someone which is suffering to know what could help, and to the ones who are suffering what they think would help them that they like someone would do.

This was kind of long, but thank you for reading.

And if anyone wants to talk about, I'm also available
 
S

sadigali

Member
Joined
Nov 1, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Sweden
Hello. I first want to say I'm sorry that you're going through this. You are worried about your mother and I understand that, I too worry a lot about my parents.
As someone who has had these episodes, as far as to write goodbye letters and then a few days/weeks later act like nothing happened, I can tell you that I was usually aware of the situation. That I was going through episodes even though some of them got really bad.
With that said, I am also extremely stubborn and did not want to get help, and still today I have not taken any medication for my depression because I'm afraid to get addicted.
What helped me was the harsh truth. The fact that if I really wanted to live, I needed to get help. That my friends and family actually cared, and they NEEDED me to get help. They could not loose me, that was not an option.
My friends (bless their young hearts) actually took me down to the psychiatrists office, and I tried to get up and leave many times but they kept me there and they saved my life.
I needed to be forced, but it helped.
It's also important to try to get back on track. I have a hard time doing that, since I don't have any hobbies. But when I was really down, sometimes I'd buy a new skincare product or maybe a puzzle to get excited over something. Maybe try bringing her a small project, something to keep her mind occupied. Maybe a small "grow your own *insert type of flower*" or a 3D puzzle. It's nothing big but maybe it'll help a little bit.

This is only what I feel sometimes work for me. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you're okay. I bet you already tell your mother that you love her, but do it again. Go buy a cookie for you both and out on a tv show, to have a lazy picnic.
Have a great day, Aurin
 
A

Aurin

Active member
Joined
Nov 1, 2020
Messages
29
Location
Some city
It's also important to try to get back on track. I have a hard time doing that, since I don't have any hobbies. But when I was really down, sometimes I'd buy a new skincare product or maybe a puzzle to get excited over something. Maybe try bringing her a small project, something to keep her mind occupied. Maybe a small "grow your own *insert type of flower*" or a 3D puzzle. It's nothing big but maybe it'll help a little bit.

This is only what I feel sometimes work for me. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you're okay. I bet you already tell your mother that you love her, but do it again. Go buy a cookie for you both and out on a tv show, to have a lazy picnic.
Have a great day, Aurin
She took knitting as a hobby a while back, she told me before that helped her.
She is knitting right now, but I also discovered that she sent some message to my 14 year old sister, I don't know the exact contents, but something about not resisting.

I'm in my room right now, but I keep checking on her, but since she with my stepfather and my 2 dogs I'm know she's safe for now.

I worry a lot more when she's alone, but these days is difficult to her being completely alone, with me having classes online. But still, I keep a eye on her.
 
S

sadigali

Member
Joined
Nov 1, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Sweden
She took knitting as a hobby a while back, she told me before that helped her.
She is knitting right now, but I also discovered that she sent some message to my 14 year old sister, I don't know the exact contents, but something about not resisting.

I'm in my room right now, but I keep checking on her, but since she with my stepfather and my 2 dogs I'm know she's safe for now.

I worry a lot more when she's alone, but these days is difficult to her being completely alone, with me having classes online. But still, I keep a eye on her.
That's nice to hear, that she's knitting! Have you talked anything with your stepfather about this, and maybe what he thinks?
I think though if an adult sends that kind of message to her 14 year old daughter, that she might need more help than she knows. That is not only a possible cry for help but maybe that she feels she needs more attention about her mental illness that she has right now.

You can hit me up whenever if you need to talk privately about how you feel regarding all of this.
 
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